Chapter Twenty-Five - An Empty Cup isn't Sadness

The next day was terrible. Or the morning was, at least. I woke up feeling drained.

It didn't take a genius to figure out why, which was good because I sure wasn't a genius.

This had to be magical depletion. It had all of the symptoms and hallmarks of that. In fact, the guide very explicitly warned users that it might occur.

The vast majority of new D-rankers gained access to something like a natural spell, one that was written within their core. That spell was usually impossibly complex and also usually very efficient. I figured my time loop skill was one of those. It didn't feel draining at all to use, though... I had some suspicions as to why.

In any case, 'natural' spells were efficient and easy to cast. Learned spells that were pathed and written from the core were definitely not. The slightest imperfection cost some amount of efficiency and paths deteriorated rapidly unless used constantly and repeatedly, at least at first.

The Leafshed spell I'd learned was already twisting very slightly out of shape, like a napkin with a few sprinkles of water on it. If I wanted it to work, I'd need to straighten it out... somehow, then cast the spell successfully a few times.

I was way too tired for that, but I tried it anyway.

That left me feeling even more exhausted.

It was a miracle I was able to make it out of bed enough to stumble into the shower.

Truth was, this particular exhaustion was entirely psychosomatic. It wasn't physical. It was all magic and in the soul. My body wasn't tired. My mind was... maybe a little tired from the repeated loops, but not that badly so.

All in all, it meant that I had three ways of being tired. Mental, physical, and now magical. Yay.

I sighed as I stepped out of the shower. I'd just have to live with it. If I wanted to progress, to become stronger, then I'd need to endure.

Or pause every so often and take a break to refuel...

Nah. That wasn't something I could see myself doing. If I paused, then the entire time I'd be a ball of anxious energy that needed a release. It wasn't going to work out.

So, I scarfed down some breakfast, did some morning stretches in lieu of my usual exercises, then headed out.

I took the bus again, and spent the ride looking into driving courses. As a D-ranker I could actually skip some lines, and while I felt a bit wrong about it, I also didn't feel like waiting months. So I put my name in for some courses that I planned to only ever attend in a loop.

There was so much to do, and I was truly worried that despite all that, I wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't any closer today to discovering who was responsible for the breach than I was yesterday.

I planned on changing that too, but it would take a few days.

In the meantime, there was training and improving myself. No matter how things played out, being stronger, physically, magically, and in terms of skill, was never going to go amiss.

I arrived at the Luna Corp HQ, then went in from the back, bypassing a small line at security with a flash of my new ID card, which was nice. A short ride up to the same floor as yesterday, and I was in the breakroom.

It was empty. Maybe because of the early hour, but the only people there at the moment were Eldur and Dharti, the two senior-most members of Squad B, as well as another young man that I vaguely recognized as a D-ranker from some old memories.

They were talking, so I moved over and awkwardly poked around in a complimentary fruit basket for an apple.

The young man left, and Eldur flagged me down. "Morning," he said.

"Morning," I replied.

The man squinted at me, then grinned. "Ah, tried some spellcasting, did you?"

I nodded. "Got a path carved out, and I think I had the spell down, but then I gave up. Now I feel like death warmed over."

"That'll do it," he said. "Check the fridge, there are these small green juice capsules. Don't drink more than two a day."

"Okay?" I tried.

He gestured vaguely towards the inside of the building. "We're going to have some training later. All of Squad B, though it won't be group training. We'll see how far along you are and if you're ready for a portal run or not. No pressure."

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Got it. When's that?"

"Couple of hours before noon," he said. "Some of the others don't have the habit of showing up on time. Glad you're not one of those."

"Terra may be lost," Dharti replied. "That child has a mind that wanders."

I smiled a little at that. "She does seem that way. Ah, but she's nice."

"Certainly," Dharti said. "Come, sit across from me, and tell me about your first spell. Eldur here had plenty of work, I'm sure."

"I do. See you two in a bit," he replied before heading out.

I sat. "It was... interesting, I guess. Figuring out how to do the path with my core was tricky, and I'm pretty sure it's all messed up right now."

Dharti hummed. "The more you use a path, the more solid it becomes. This is a good thing. I'm impressed you managed to make the spell work in one evening."

"Barely work," I said. "I'd give you a demonstration, but I don't know if I'm up to it. Is spellcasting this hard?"

"Only at first. Once you have a few spells that you are comfortable with under your belt, you will find that they come to you more easily."

"And the emotion bit?" I asked. "That part felt really strange. I don't usually spend an evening crying about a houseplant I bought at the supermarket."

Dharti didn't quite smile, but the corners of her eyes folded in an amusing way. "Ah, yes. You would be at that stage. From what I recall, you are an outer elementalist, you may have it both harder and easier than most."

"Hmm?"

She gestured from side to side. "Let's start from the beginning then. For whatever reason, magic fuels itself on emotion. The right emotion for the right spell, but what is the right emotion? In the case of simple Nature spells, it is sadness, grief, perhaps for the outer element, pensiveness."

"Yeah, I got that," I said.

"Do you? What is sadness?"

I paused. "Being unhappy?"

"No, that is the lack of happiness." She grabbed a cup and placed it before me. "This is a cup of tea."

The cup was empty.

"It's not right now," I said.

"Then would you say that this cup is being un-tea?" she asked. Her accent made the last a little strange, but I understood what she meant. "Sadness is sadness. Do not coach your emotions as more or less of another."

"Alright," I said. "So, sadness. Uh, I guess it's being disappointed? Or is that an emotion too?"

She nodded. "It is. The second outer elemental emotion of Nature. The first being remorse. Disappointment and disapproval both straddle the line between nature and lightning, and create something else. But that is for later. Sadness. Go on."

I shifted. This place didn't have very comfortable stools. "I guess I don't know how to describe sadness so easily. It's painful, but not that much, it's like, a weird empty feeling? Sometimes it's not too long, sometimes it lasts a while. It's not... intense? Less like a burn and more like a bruise?"

"Good, good," Dharti said. "Now you're getting it. If you feel enough, you can sometimes cast a spell through a poor path, though it is inefficient. I have some duties to attend to on most days, but when I have the time, I will teach you a little, see your progress with Nature. It's an element that thrives when nurtured."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that. Is learning cantrips always this hard?"

I'd looked at some others. I had a plan to pick up one a day that ran into a wall as soon as I discovered how hard learning one cantrip was. Right now, with my cheating loop powers, I'd be happy if I picked up two in a week. Still twice as fast as the norm, but not as quick as I'd like.

She sniffed. "You made good progress for one day. Learn to walk, young lady." She smiled with her eyes again, and stood up to leave.

I took that to mean that I had to learn the basics first. I supposed that was fair. When learning a martial art, there was a lot of focus on basic stances and holding one-self in the right posture. Discipline came before combat.

Fortunately, D-rankers weren't all about magic, though it was a big part of what set them apart. The other large difference was physical, and in a few minutes I'd get to test that out in the gym.

I wondered if Natalie would be there?

***