Chapter b184 /b

    bChapter 184 /b

    Cassian

    I can’t sleep.

    Not because the ground isn’tfortable which it isn’t–but because my head won’t stop thinking about ra and whatever made her go to the banshees. She says she’s sick, but a part of me wonders if I really overwhelmed her, if she realized that I’m not what she wants in her life. That bthought /bbhits /bme hard.

    I toss and turn, the stones digging into my back with every movement I make. I won’t move from here until they let me see her. I stare at the sky long enough that, when the edges of my vision darken, I think it’s because sleep has finally decided toe to me.

    Nothing could be further from the truth.

    That darkness swallows everything and is thick like syrup. I feel it sticking to my skin and spreading across my vision until I can see nothing. My breathing quickens, and I would feel fear from my panic if I weren’t far from curious eyes. Soon I’m no longer in the shadows and look around me–everything seems the same, except for the figure standing in front of ollime. /li/ol

    On impulse, I stand and bare my teeth, more than willing to leap at her and tear her neck apart with my fangs.

    “Not happy to see me?”

    Ragna’s voice would sound sensual to anyone elseb, /bbut to me, it only makes me want to shred her body with my hands and bathe in her blood. I look around in every direction; I can’tprehend how I didn’t sense her arrival. My thoughts must be fully visible on my face.

    “Want to know how I got here?”

    I bare my teeth again, and she responds with a wide smile, showing perfect teeth and a pair of fangs longer than mine.

    “It must be very frustrating for you that things aren’t under your control, isn’t it?” She walks around me like a predator, searching for the exact moment to sink her ws in. “And even more so now that ra seems to have brun /bfrom you… again.”

    “Shut your fucking mouth.”

    “Why? I’m just giving voice to your thoughts.” She stops in front of me. “It only took you leaving her alone for a few hours for her to run away.”

    Her words fuel the dark thoughts in my mind, though something worries me even more: how does she know all this? Maybe she has ba /bspy among mine. That’s something I’ll have to fix as soon as possible.

    She keeps walking around me, studying me.

    “But don’t worry, I’ve brought her back.”

    I frown and follow her with my eyes until I turn around and find thest thing I expected: in front of me is ra, with Ragna’s ws pressing against her neck. Her expression is a cocktail of emotionsi, /iincluding rage and despair. She struggles against the shapeshifter, trying to break free. I step toward her, but Ragna hisses; it’s clear that any move on my part will not be weed.

    “Give her back, Ragna. None of this will end well if iyou /ihurt her.”

    “No situation involving you will end well as far as I’m concerned. Don’t take me for a fool, Draven.”

    “Cassian…”

    My name on ra’s lips is tinged with panic. Her eyes move frantically, trying to tell me something I can’t decipher.

    “Tell iher /ithe truthb, /bra,” the shapeshifter croons. “Tell her you left at the first opportunity because the very idea of spending your life with bhim /bbdisgusts /byou.”

    bChapter /bb184 /b

    Her beyes /bfill bwith /btears, and she looks at me as if feeling guilty.

    b“/bbYou’re /bnot capable of saying it.” Ragnaughs. “You don’t have to protect her feelings, ra, He doesn’t have any, It’s bnot /blike he cared about yours

    He didn’t care about breaking your heart.” bevery /bbtime /bhe despised you or when he made you see someone else leave his room.

    bA /bshadow crosses ra’s gaze, and I start to fear that the words of that harpy will stir old feelings I thought were buried.

    “ra, you know that’s not true. You know why I did what I did. You know my feelings for you.”

    bShe /bshakes her head.

    Ragna digs her nails into her flesh, and I see tiny drops of blood sliding down the paleness of her neck.

    “You don’t believe her words, I know. That’s why you left. Deep down, you know Cassian is incapable of loving anyone. He can’t even stand himself.”

    As much as it hurts me to admit it, even if only to myself, the shapeshifter is right. Sometimes I can’t stand myself. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I hate the times I was weak and didn’t do enough for my family and for myself. Sometimes I even hate myself for what I did to ra. The right bthing /bwould be to let her go, but I’m the viin in her story; I can’t pretend to be a hero without selfish motives.

    “Say it out loud, ra. Tell him you hate him and that you’d rather die than live by his side.”

    I watch her throat move as she swallows, seeming to choke on unspoken words. My gaze turns pleading, though I don’t know to whom I’m begging- ra so it isn’t true, or the shapeshifter so she leaves it alone. Instead, she only presses her ws harderb, /bas if wanting to rip the words from her throat.

    “Say it. Don’t be shy now. You had no problem being foul–mouthed with me.”

    I narrow my eyes, feeling that something is off. Still, I’m so focused on the two bof /bthem that I fail to see the signs.

    “Cassian.”

    I start shaking my head.

    “I’m not sick,” her voice sounds tired. Blood decorates her neck, falling faster and faster. “I had to run.”

    “Run from what?” I ask, knowing the answer.

    “From you, don’t you see? I can never be happy by your side.”

    The shapeshifter’s smile twists into that of a deranged sadist, and her eyes meet mine with a cold gleam. She licks her lips and, without breaking eye contact, finishes what she started: she shes ra’s throat from end to end, reopening old wounds. She falls to the ground like a ragdoll, but when I try to go to her, ihold /iher in my armsi, /istop the bleeding somehow, her body fades through my fingers.

    Ragna’sughter transforms into a deep, guttural cackle. She wipes a tear with her knuckle and looks at me with false empathy.

    “In war, love never wins, Draven.” She tilts her head. “Do you know why?”

    I hold a growl in my throat.

    “Because love is a distraction no one can afford on the battlefield. Love softens youb, /bmakes you weak and vulnerable.” She strikes my kneeling knees with her foot. “Look at iyou/i. A shadow of what you were. Reduced to a mediocre being for loving a woman who will never love you back.”

    “You only know how to lie, Ragna,” I spit. “Everyone who’s afraid bes apulsive liar.”

    I rise to my feet, reiming the strength that for a few minutes her words as sharp as knives had taken from me.

    “Me? Afraid?b” /b

    My body leans over hers, engulfing her almost entirely.

    bChapter /bb184 /b

    b“/bbYou’re /bterrifiedb. /bYou know byou’ll /blose. If not, bwhy /bhide behind the tricks bof /byour blind mutt?”

    bAnd /bbat /bthat very moment, my hands tear through the shapeshifter’s bodypletely, and she evaporates into the air as if bshe /bwere nothing batang can bfinally /bbreathe. None of this was real–just one of her filthy tricks to invade my mind, break my resolve, nt doubts in my head bthat /bbcould /beat me alive. I clench my fists and scold myself for even doubting ra for a second. That old version of me is gone and cannot return

    I watch the smoke vanish, though her words do not leave my mind. Ragna’s intentions toward me are clear. She must already know I have Eleazar in my power; fear is gnawing at her, and she wants to wage a psychological war against me before seeing me on a battlefield. She knows she will lose

    Because, contrary to what she thinks, my feelings for ra make me more ruthless, capable of obliterating everything that stands between her and bher /bhappiness.

    I was never a hero, and I’m not going to start being

    one now

    AD