bChapter /bb190 /b

    ra

    ? . 69%bg /b

    +33

    I know the moment when Cassian will have to leave again is drawing closer. It’s unreal to think we can live forever in this bubble; at some point one of us will have to burst it, though I think we both hope the other will be the one to do it. Is it so bad that I want to live in this fantasy? My mind and my body feel as though we’ve never had even a single moment of peace, not only now but since our very first breath. Always worried about the day I woulde of age. Afterwards, angry at everything and everyone for the life I’d been forced to live, and now I am… afraid. I don’t think there’s a better word to describe it. They tell me l am powerful, that I am a miraculous being, but I don’t feel like that at all.

    A cheerful shout pulls me out of my thoughts.

    “I still don’t quite understand why you’re the one taking care of him, he has a father for that.”

    “A father who happens to be captive right now, if I remember correctly.”

    “And my dad?” asks the boy, as if realizing who we’re talking about.

    Khaos holds my hand as we walk along the beach shore. I’m wearing a short dress that leaves my feet free to get wet as much as they want without me worrying about the consequences. The boy’s golden eyes shift from my face to Cassian’s, who doesn’t look his friendliest at the moment.

    “On vacation,” he answers.

    I throw him a warning look. The boy already has to live without a mother; he doesn’t need to be frightened further with the fate of his father. Why am I the one taking care of him? It’s as simple as the fact that I want ollito. I have nothing better to do here–two days have passed since I shared the news with Cassian and, as much as I lovezing in bed, that is not our reality, no matter how much we wish it were. With each sunrise /li/ol

    and sunset, I hold my breath, waiting for the next difficulty, the next attack, the next threat.

    “Be good,” I whisper in his ear.

    I feel the brief flex of his fingers at my waist before he steps away from me with a wicked smile.

    “You ask the impossible of me, darling”

    “I trust you,”

    The boy and I walk off hand in hand, chasing the waves. From time to time, I can’t help but reach for that bump growing in my belly, more noticeable with each passing day, I won’t lie–I’m afraid. The changes happen too quickly; they give me a sense of vertigo.

    “You’re prettier todayi,/ii” /ithe boy says quietly.

    “Oh, really?” I reply, holding back a smile.

    “Yes, you’re not sad.”

    I remain still for a few seconds, letting his words sink in. There are no words purer or more sincere than those of a child. I can’t hold back the smile tugging at my lips. I crouch down to his level, brush aside a strand of golden hair, and graze his cheek, paler still under the moonlight.

    “You’re not bad yourself,” I say. “You’ll be a very handsome man when you grow up.”

    “I’m already a man.”

    He puffs out his chest, presses his lips together, and raises his chin.

    “Of course, forgive my mistake.”

    At first, he doesn’t seem too convinced and shoots me a suspicious look, but finally he igoes /iback ito /iying, trying to catch the waves that crash on the shore and retreat as quickly as theye. When I hear hisughter, my chest tightens, instantly thinking of my little sister’sugh. Hers was like his–carefree, joyful,

    innocent.

    As if Cassian could sense the path of my thoughts, hees to my side, wraps his arm around my shoulders, and draws me closer to his body.

    “We have to stop all this,” I murmur. “For us and for people like him. We can’t let innocent people suffer.”

    “I know.”

    “Don’t let him grow up without a father, Cassian.”

    I lock my eyes on his, knowing that right now he’s thinking about what my words are truly asking of him.

    “This tender heart…i” /ihe says, cing a finger over the organ responsible for my heartbeat. “It’s going to be my undoing, little beast.”

    “I’m not asking you to trust him, only… don’t kill him.” I imitate him, cing my finger on his chest. “Search for your capacity not to do it, so there won’t be more children who suffer like you, so you won’t feed the hatred any further.”

    He averts his gaze to the sea, staring at it so long I almost believe he won’t say another word. Every now and then, the sound of Khaos’sughter reaches us–no matter how many times he gets wet, he can’t contain his excitement each time he feels the cold touch of water.

    “The world doesn’t deserve you,” Cassian finally says. “But I’ll do what you ask. For you. I’ll put him to the test, see if his intentions are true, and if he can be of help to us in all this.” He sighs. “If he puts you in danger again, if he does anything to harm you, I swear to you, ra, not even that boy will be able to stop me. Nor your heart.”

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    10:43 Sat, 23 Augu

    x ?, 70%b6 /b

    b33/b)

    I ce my palm against his cheek and caress his skin. I know it’s cold and yet, in some inexplicable way, I feel that any contact with him warms me.

    “Sorry to interrupt, but I think it’s time for ra and me…‘

    Cassian rolls his eyes before turning his attention to Atarothz. Again, hees to visit me every day to continue working on my powers, with which I now proceed with more caution. I withdraw my hand and give Cassian a chaste kiss on the lips before stepping away.

    “Will you look after him?” I ask, pointing to Khaos.

    “I promise nothing,” he says through pressed lips.

    I shoot him a narrow–eyed look that promises, without the need for words, unbearable pain if anything happens to that little one in my absence. Cassian raises his hands in a cating gesture and winks at me. I leave, closely followed by Atarothz, though I can’t help ncing back a couple of times to see Cassian watching the boy with an interest he tries to hide. I wonder if he’s thinking about the future, about living a simr scene when we have our own family.