Cassian

    I wake up startled, with a fist clutching the heart in my chest.

    I try to draw air into my lungs, which seem to have forgotten how to do it. My clothes are wrinkled, dirty, and sweaty. The fabric sticks to my chest and with trembling fingers 1 brush away the hair clinging to my forehead. I don’t know what I dreamed, what tormented my sleep, I only know it left a horrible sensation deep in my bones.

    Automatically I close my eyes and the first thing I do is search for ra, pounding my fists against the firm walls that only she has managed to raise against me.

    Despite the sweat, my body is cold, frozen, but as soon as she lets me into her mind, I feel a warm embrace surrounding me. Our connection is not limited only to being able to feel her or speak to her, I see her sitting in a rocking chair by the fire and little Khaos is at her feet, ying with wooden blocks. ra’s profile is cut by the mes, which bathe her in golden light and give her a healthy, happy appearance. My whole being rxes, flooded with relief.

    “I feel your worry, is everything all right, Cassian? Is it about the meeting?”

    I take a step toward her, I want to ce my hand on her shoulder and feel her skin, even for a second; however, my fingers seem to pass through her flesh and disappear into nothing. I frown, confused. Perhaps it is the result of exhaustion.

    “The meeting went well.” I smile, although she cannot see me from behind. “I just had a nightmare. What do you have there?”

    Over her shoulder I see scraps of fabric resting in herp and what look like two knitting needles. It doesn’t resemble anything I recognize as a garment and a quick nce at ra’s frown confirms what I already suspected. She is as good at knitting as I am at being good. I press my lips together, forbidding myself tough, and fail.

    “I’m not made for knitting,” she grumbles. “I just wanted to keep myself busy with something. I’m bored here. Isatt ge home.”

    It hurts me not to be able to touch her cheek the way I want to.

    “You’ll return and fill the castle with baby cries, I can’t think of anything better,” I say with a teasing smile. Nheless, w both know it’s true. “What about your lessons with Atarothz?”

    “They’re brief. He’s afraid I’ll get too exhausted. It’s not good for me or the pregnancy.”

    I nod, agreeing with her father. A time wille when ra will be tired all the time, so it’s better she doesn’t waste

    unnecessary energy.

    “Are you sure the meeting went well?”

    “Sure,” I say with false conviction. “No Pureblood will harm you. They don’t know anything about your pregnancy and I’ll keep it that way until we return.”

    “And when they find out?”

    I crouch down in front of her, but avoid touching her so she doesn’t notice that my touch is not real like other times. I look at her utterly serious, though my lips don’t want to cooperate, fighting to curve into a soft smile. The kind that belongs only to her.

    “You are mine, ra, and so is that child. No one wille near you.”

    “Ours,” she corrects.

    “Ours,” I agree. “And I am yours.”

    10:34 Mon, 25 Aug PM

    67%

    Her gray eyes reflect more life than ever when she smiles and crinkle, drawing small wrinkles at the corners. The fire tyres color to her cheeks and she looks like the same dirty, rebellious girl I saw the first time. Khaos drops ia /iwooden block on the floor, breaking the spell I was caught in try her eyes.

    “He has trouble sleeping,” she says. “He wants to see the sun”

    “You know he can’t.”

    “It breaks my heart that the closest he’ll ever be to feeling the rays is this fire.”

    “We all suffer corruption in some way, it leaves its marks.”

    The words leave my mouth as I look at the boy and feel a small wisp ofpassion. “At least he was born that way, it hurts less if it isn’t something you’ve lost once you had it.”

    ra nods and keeps watching the child for what feels like hours. Neither of us says anything, we remain inplete silence and little by little, both he and she fall asleep to the warmth of the mes. I try to arrange the nkets for both of them and my fingers pass through the fabric, making me feel powerless. I grind my teeth and squeeze bmy /beyes shut, leaving her mind and returning to my lonely room. My body is still on the bed, with the difference that the sweat has dried on my skin. I get up and, as if Ank were able to read my thoughts, I find a bath of hot water waiting for me. I thank bhim/bb, /bwhispering silent words to the me of one of the candles on the candbrum. I undress and immerse myself bin /bthe water and, by the time Ie out and prepare for a new day, I know clearly what my first step will be.

    Without the presence of the other feeders, the castle feels deserted. Before I could hear their murmursb, /bthey thought bmy /bhearing wouldn’t reach all their whispers, their conversations under the sheets where they imagined that one of them bmight /bbe able to win the heart of an immortal and that he would grant her the gift of eternal life. Now all that is gone, bgiving /bway to calm. Only ra’s scent bathes these walls, I can sense her absence and picture her in every corner without anyone else interfering and making noise in that image.

    I go down, without much hurry, to the small guarded door that leads to the renovated dungeons. I must admit the efficiency of my men, or maybe I should pat myself on the back for sowing enough fear to make them work miracles. I pass by the cell where Mavka is once again, who survived the explosion. For a few seconds I don’t see her, but theatose Eb. 7 ifor /iinstant guilt scratches at the walls of my heart.

    I shake my head, pushing that thought away. She is not ra. She deserves this. I keep walking and heau straight for Eleazar’s cell. I find him lying on the cot, his legs and arms crossed and his gaze fixed on infinity. As soon as he senses m his body straightens and he gives me a lopsided smile.

    “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten me. Honestly, you hurt my feelings.”

    “Luckily, I don’t care.” I lean against the wall across from him, cross my ankles and put my hands in my pants pockets. “I’ve been taking a look at the ns you’ve drawn.”

    “Isn’t ra going toe visit me?”

    His arrogant smile tries to get under my skin.

    “You’ve got a pretty mischievous son, you know?” I reply.

    His smile vanishespletely, as does any room for jokes and provocations. I sh a victorious smile.

    “He’s got your eyes, by the way.”

    “All right, all right, message received. No talking about your girl.”

    “Tell me everything you know.”

    “I already told you what I know.”

    10:34 MON, 20 Aug CPFT *

    61%

    I raise a brow. Maybe he thinks he can fool me, that he’s cleverer than me, but the devil knows more from being old than from being the devil, doesn’t he?

    “I think little Khaos has taken a liking to me, do you think he’d like toe with me on a little trip?”

    “All right!” He sighs. “I don’t trust you, Cassian, and I was keeping this in case I had to use it. I suppose you know that there aren’t only metamorphs born in wolf form, there are those with the ability to turn into other animals. It seems they’re joining together, sympathizing with their cause.”

    “So what?”

    “The white–haired blind one, remember him? They say he came back from the dead and that he has the ability to drown you in your worst nightmares. Seems he’s not the only one capable of doing terrible things. I think they’ve got more like him and they won’t hesitate to use them when the timees. War is imminent.”

    bAD /b

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    JU:34 Mon, 25 Aug @ PM