5 - Fried Circuit Marathon

“There’s two doors in front of you.”

“Huh?” Oskar asked no one, staring at the unusual predicament. “Why are there doors here?”

“Both of them are people.”

“How can a door be a person?” Oskar asked, once again, no one. “A door is an object. It’s made out of a certain material, it serves a purpose. It is either closed or open.”

“What do you do with a door?”

“You close it or you open it.”

“What do you do with a door?”

“You look at it? I don’t fucking know, man. Just get to the point.”

“What do you do with a door?”

“...”

“Why aren’t you entering it?” Sakuto asked, appearing behind one of them. Everything else was white, the only things that held onto color were the people Oskar was imagining.

“And why are you here?”

“I’ve held this door open for you for so long.” Sakuto said. “And you’re not entering it.”

“I’ve held this door open for you for so long, and you’re not entering it.” Ausra said. “You don’t want to enter them.”

“What’s behind the door?”

“You’re acting as if you don’t know the answer.” Oskar said.

“I know what’s behind the doors, I just...” Oskar replied.

“Then what’s the reason?”

“I-”

“You forgot about me, didn’t you?” Sakuto asked. “All I ever was for you was a way to kill time.”

“You don’t care about me, don’t you?” Ausra asked. “All I ever was for you was a distraction.”

“I don’t know.”

Oskar woke up. Or at least he thought he woke up, because he was still in a dream. And it was hard to tell whether or not it was a dream either - it’s hard to blame him, though. Everything looked so gut wrenchingly realistic that he wanted to throw up and die. But it wasn’t an option.

“It must've been a weird dream...”

“Wait, what?”

“Sakuto died?”

“Oh well, who cares...”

“That’s not what I said.” Oskar said, approaching the Oskar that was laying on his bed, careless and senseless. “When he died, I cared. I acted, and I cared, and I was the last one who finally accepted that he died.”

“Ausra died too.” Oskar said. “But I don’t care either.”

Oskar punched Oskar in the face, but his punch felt like it had zero force behind it. It even felt like a negative force, because it ended up hurting Oskar more than it hurt Oskar.

“You realized that a while ago, right?”

“Realized what? You’re not making any sense.”

“Do you care when your friends are in pain?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything?”

“What do you-”

Oskar found himself in front of himself again. Sakuto and Ausra were once again in the background, and everything was white. The only thing that had color was him.

“What did you do for them?” Oskar asked.

“I was there for them. I listened to them.”

“Hey, that’s only partially true.” Sakuto said. “You know, I could really use some more words. Some more comfort, some reassurance. Hey, if you knew I was in a bad place, why didn’t you check up on me? I felt like I was completely alone.”

“You didn’t even listen to me. You never asked me how I was.” Ausra said. “You always cared about the situation, but not the people. You think you can just write me off because you did one thing to cheer me up a while ago?”

“Hey, calm down you two!” Oskar said, scrambling to try and protect himself. “Sakuto, I always let you vent whatever was on your mind. And Ausra, how was I supposed to guess stuff? If you told me you had it bad, I’d listen to you.”

“And besides, don’t you think you two are being a little selfish? You’re not the only ones who go through stuff! I have it bad too! Let me treat my own problems first, then I’ll take care of you.”

“Why don’t you tell them that?” Oskar asked.

“I-”

“What’s the point of holding that information all to yourself?” Oskar asked. “You know how to speak, right? Speak to them. When they talk to you, talk to them. There’s no distance between you.”

“There is.” Oskar said. “Look, they’re far now. They’re far away and they’re going even further.”

“No they’re not.” Oskar laughed. “Dude, are you blind or something? They’re right there. They never went anywhere.”

“Then what’s happening?”

He saw both Sakuto and Ausra be locked away behind a door.

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Oskar woke up again. He felt sweaty, but a bit too sweaty for it to be reality. He felt literally drenched in sweat, before realizing that it wasn’t sweat altogether - it was just water. For some reason, he was in a small pool of water. He stood back up, and those two people were still there.

“At least that fuckface isn’t here.”

“Now what do I do with them? They’re just...there. They’re standing there as if they expect me to say something or do something to them.”

“Hey, why is there water here?” Oskar asked.

“Because.”

“Because why? Does everything here have a meaning?” he asked again.

“Dunno.”

Oskar looked down. He saw his own reflection in the water, but it was acting differently. It looked like it was in pain despite not showing any signs of it. After a blink that felt like a millenia, Oskar looked at the two people again, they were a bit further away.

“Oh, I get it.”

“This is all about me thinking that I’m not doing enough for them.”

“They’re doing a lot for me, and I do nothing for them. I’m like dead weight to them.”

“But it’s not my fault, alright? I sometimes don’t even know what to say. And sometimes I don’t even feel like I have enough energy to say things!”

He blinked again, and they were further away.

“Bad things happen to everyone.”

They were even further away, so far that they looked like unrecognizable dots.

“Hey, where are you going? Come back.”

They appeared in front of him.

“Why should they not go?” The water asked him. “Why are you not going towards them?”

“Because-”

“They’re coming to you, but you’re not coming to them. You’re not talking about your own troubles, you find yourself unable to properly respond to theirs. What’s the problem?”

“Because it’s hard to move when something keeps dragging me down or keeping me in place. See, I was gonna respond but you fucking interrupted me, so good job. Thanks for wasting my time.”

“This is Sakuto, he’s someone who trusts you.” The water said, wrapping itself around Oskar’s feet tighter. “He’s your friend. He fulfills your desire of having company. Somebody you can talk to, somebody you can joke around with, somebody who can help you have fun or get you out of a bad place.”

“This is Ausra, she’s someone who maybe thinks of you in a slightly different way. She’s someone who values you and wants to be with you, and not exclusively for company. And yet, you don’t even know which desire of yours this is. You’re pretty fucking dense.”

“What?”

“So, there’s two people that are interested in me. One is my friend, and the other one is something that I apparently don’t know about. Great.”

“I still don’t know what the fuck everything is about.”

“I guess I’m bad at maintaining relationships.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Dunno. Some things can’t really be explained.”

“Are you nice to me just so you prove to yourself that you’re capable of interacting with people?” Dima asked.

“No, you’re my friend...”

“Are we not?” Sakuto and Ausra asked. Everyone appeared a little closer to him now, almost as if they were closing in on him. The water embraced him tighter.

“Hey, too close, keep your distance!”

“Why do you feel uncomfortable? This is how close we are, right?” Sakuto asked.

“No, this is how close you are.”

“You can’t bring yourself to get close to us? Why? Because you’re scared of messing up?” Ausra asked.

“Because you feel like we don’t deserve you?” Sakuto asked.

“Because you got tired of us?” Dima asked.

“Just...shut up! Get off of me, get away from me! The fact that you put yourselves so close to me doesn’t mean you can do this!”

“Had you wanted to be closer to them yourself, you wouldn’t have been so unhappy right now.” The water said. “In fact, you would’ve been happy. Really happy, in fact.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“There’s nothing that you consider to be fun or exciting in life. There’s no one who you really feel like being in a relationship with, be it friends or something deeper. So here’s an honest question, why are you even alive?”

“What’s the point of you breathing?”

Oskar woke up. This time, there wasn’t any sweat, water, or any figures getting close to him. The nap devoured his afternoon time, making sure he’s well-prepared to operate at night. He took a few deep breaths and sat up, leaning his head on his elbows.

“What a stupid fucking dream...”

“Why did I see them in the first place?”

He wrestled with his bedsheets, and after finding an area that was slightly heavier than the rest, picked up his phone.

“No new messages, huh? Is Sakuto genuinely mad over the whole situation with Dima?”

“That shit makes zero sense.”

“Hey, are you up?” Ausra asked, slowly entering the room. “We’re moving out in a bit. Safe to say that you’re well rested?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Oskar said. “I’ll get up soon.”

“We’re getting backup from the commander too.” Ausra said. “There’s a chance I get to fight alongside her. It would be amazing...”

“Yeah.”

“Anyways, I’m gonna go warm up a little bit. We’re gonna move together with the scary lady that used to own that place.” Ausra waved. “Take care.”

“Right.”

Ausra stopped for a few seconds at the door frame, and left.

“Wait, Ausra-”

It was too late, he wasn’t heard. He took a deep breath and sighed. He rubbed his eyes a little and got up, putting his clothes on. He was disappointed more than anything.

...

“We’re here.” Victoria said. The moon was bright, it made the darkness appear comforting. They stood in front of the base’s entrance, and even from there they could see piles of debris and decaying corpses.

“They know that we are here, Victoria.” Matilda said in a mocking voice. “You need not break down every single obvious detail to them. Be more thoughtful.”

“Is the commander not going to join us?” Ausra asked.

“The commander and her comrade are staying behind.” Matilda replied. “They said that they sense unusual fluctuations of soul presences. And besides, they’re the best for watching the flank, are they not?”

“Hey, uh, you sure I’m supposed to tag along with this?” Dima asked.

“You’ll be fine. We’ll take care of everything, you won’t be doing any of the fighting.” Oskar replied. He reached into his pocket and got a pack of cigarettes, lighting it and taking a whiff.

“Could’ve just left me back at the hotel.”

“Nah.” Oskar said. “I don’t trust Sakuto.” Ausra looked at him surprised, to which Oskar elaborated. “I meant that I don’t trust him when it comes to this specific situation. It’s too easy for him to pop up and kill the guy.”

“Why does that guy want me dead anyways?” Dima asked. “I swear I haven’t done anything to him.”

“That’s the whole point.” Oskar explained. “Look, you don’t remember a lot of what you did, but I’m pretty sure you have an idea of what you were up to after that meeting. Just...stick with me, alright? None of them can fuck you over if you’re with me.”

“Because you’re strong, right?”

Oskar didn’t find a response, it was a little shameful to admit that it was only due to the fact that he was friends with Sakuto.

“I can see it way over there.” Victoria said, pointing at LV2. It was walking around, and it looked to be only twice the size of a human. It was similar to LV1 appearance and texture wise, but it appeared to be equipped with more weaponry.

“Dima, go back to that tent, will ya?” Oskar said. “It should be far enough away.”

“Huh...alright...” Dima said. “I thought you didn’t-”

“Just go.”

“When Ausra uses the big guns, he won’t have a chance to survive.”

“And I don’t want him dying on me.”