Sugar, Secrets and Upheaval
Boring. Boring. Boring. (2)
According to the vermin called ‘therapist’ I should engage with my fellow addicts.
Is that how they see me now? A wounded soldier? A human?
What conceivable benefit could arise from conversing with these… bugs? To listen to their pathetic chirping and buzzing, their tales of woe and weakness?
Nothing is interesting about them. Not one single thing. Their cries are simply data. To use. To manipulate.
Female Bug A, is allergic to red food dye. Which means, a simple dashing smile in her pathetic existence, will make her give me her morning strawberry jelly.
Yes. Sugar. Temporary. Good enough.
Male Bug A, wants to court Female Bug A. Good. Call them to the gardens after they give us our daily withdrawal drug. Their pea-sized brains would be overridden by hormones.
Male Bug A is grateful. He knows I do not enjoy tea. He will give me his hot chocolate mix.
Yes. Sugar. Temporary. Good enough.
Night it is coming. It is the worst. It is in silence. I do not need silence.
Silence. Just like the family dinners. No. I need noise. Something. Anything.
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Female Bug B and C are fighting. Good. Noise. Predictable squawking. Female Bug B's voice is higher. More frantic. Female Bug C's responses are low. Grumbling. Resentful. Over… a hairbrush? Pathetic. But noise. A welcome distraction from the gnawing emptiness. Let them tear each other apart over their trivialities.
It fills the void. Temporarily. Good enough.
Something to earn here. Tear their pathetic squabble apart. With grace.
A subtle sigh escapes my lips, a gentle hand rests on a trembling arm. I murmur, my voice a soothing balm in their shrill discord. They crave kindness in this boring place. Female Bug B sniffles, her anger momentarily diffused. Female Bug C casts a resentful glare, but it softens under the unexpected attention. They eat it up, this display of concern, this uncharacteristic gentleness from the resident. A small price to pay for observation, for data on their fleeting vulnerabilities, their desperate need for connection.
I need to wash my hands for touching that bugs. How many left? Female Bug A, B, and C are done. Male bug A is done. I need to charm the nurses. They do not reside here. They can bring sweets.
How to do? Smiles, whispers? No, it is boring. Something more elaborate. Something that will shake their pathetic cores up.
I do not enjoy eating that mush at the breakfast. I should spill some on me. Then Female Nurse A will come, thinking I puked. I should apologize. And deprecate myself. She will feel stronger. She will feel pity. I will talk about my food aversion. She will think I am just a wounded person. She will offer a warm hand on my shoulder.
Not enough. I need more data on her. I need time to watch her interactions with other bugs.
Male Nurse A, he is predictable. He has broad shoulders and stiff posture. Army. I will talk about the tales of the Conqueror. They all eat that. Army background means obeying. I need to adhere to schedule to make him think I am a team player. It will lower his guard.
So predictable. Boring. Boring. Boring.