I awoke to find him in the kitchen, the clinking of mugs and the aroma of cocoa filling the air as he prepared his customary hot chocolate and thoughtfully brewed my tea. That little shit of my dream managed to stir a whole spectrum of emotions within me. Little teenage terrorist. And gods, I'm still kicking myself for not calling out his ludicrous bluff. I couldn't even challenge his outrageous claims as a figment of my imagination, so what chance do I have of ever calling his bluff in the waking world? Fucking impossible, that's what.

I walked up behind him, my arms wrapping around his waist, and leaned my cheek against his back, inhaling the subtle scent that always brought me a sense of peace. "Good morning," I murmured softly against his shirt.

He stilled his stirring for a moment, a gentle smile evident in his voice as he replied, "Good morning, dear." He resumed mixing his mug, the spoon clinking softly against the ceramic. "I've prepared our drinks, and heated some of those pastries you like."

"It's so good to see you moving around," I said, my arms tightening slightly around him.

"Unfortunately, this ambitious endeavor of traversing the distance from the bedroom to the kitchen took a good fifteen minutes. But indeed," he conceded, turning slightly to meet my gaze, "it is certainly a welcome change to move on my own again."

After our quiet embrace, I busied myself setting the kitchen table. We ate our breakfast in a peaceful silence. Soon after, Leo ambled into the kitchen. He greeted us with a warm smile, his own brown eyes still carrying a hint of sleepiness, and began preparing his coffee. Levi invited Leo to join us at the table, and as anticipated, the familiar intellectual sparring match soon commenced.

Leo took a slow sip of his steaming coffee, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. "That book you recommended, sir... it was... quite the challenge," he admitted, a touch of weariness in his voice. "It took me nearly two hours just to get through fifty pages."

"Well, Leo, that is entirely your own fault for disregarding the proper order of philosophical reading. You cannot simply jump into the latest work by a contemporary author, no matter how lauded they may be. You need to build a foundation, to begin with the older texts, to explore the foundational ideas and the contrasting perspectives of various thinkers.”

"Yes, sir, I understand the importance of foundational texts," Leo conceded, carefully choosing his words, "but... it was also because I found myself in complete disagreement with nearly every premise. It was so... bleak, so utterly depressing to read."

"How utterly predictable, Leo," Levi remarked, a hint of wry amusement in his voice. "You diligently consume every text I recommend, only to invariably conclude that it is either bleak or profoundly depressing."

Leo hesitated for a moment. "I truly underestimated the... the sheer depth of your... your inherent misanthropy, sir," he finally admitted, a touch of awe in his tone.

Yeah, 'misanthropy' might be a touch too blunt a label. It's more nuanced, more… Levi. He doesn't quite see people as equals, that's for sure. It's more like a tiered system in his mind: the annoying and useless are dismissed as bugs, easily swatted away; those with a modicum of utility, perhaps for intellectual sparring or practical tasks, are elevated slightly to the level of vermin; and those in positions of power who display greed, selfishness, or any of the more egregious 'sins' are contemptuously categorized as swine. Perhaps it isn't true misanthropy, not a blanket hatred of all humankind, but rather… just Levi being Levi.

Their sparring continued, while in the quiet theater of my own mind, I gave myself a mental pat on the back. I fucking nailed that. When I manage to set aside my own emotional baggage and simply observe, I'm actually quite good at understanding Levi's mind. Once breakfast concluded, a comfortable silence settled between us, and we retreated to our bedroom.

"Pulla," he murmured, his voice a low rumble as his thumb traced soft circles on my cheek. Looking at his adult face, etched with the lines of experience and a certain hard-won peace, and then recalling the feral features of his youth, a wave of unexpected warmth, bordering on profound admiration, washed over me. There was a strange beauty in witnessing the nascent stages of such a formidable force.

"Gods, Levi," I confessed, my voice thick with a longing I felt acutely. "I want to cuddle with you so badly right now, you have absolutely no idea."

"Me too, dear," he murmured, his gaze warm.

"How about this?" I suggested, a mischievous glint in my eyes. "You be the little spoon, and I'll be the big spoon."

"Hm..." Levi murmured, a slight wince flickering across his face. "Unfortunately, lying on my side is still rather…uncomfortable, dear. These dissolving inner stitches have a rather insistent way of reminding me. However," a fond smile touched his lips, "you are most welcome to attempt this novel arrangement." He then began to gently pat his own chest, like a seal flapping a flipper. I chuckled softly at the image, and settled onto his chest, distributing my weight as evenly as possible.

"You looked just like a little seal trying to get comfortable," I teased. "It was almost... cute."

Levi's eyes lit up with that spark. "Ah... seals, Does my dear Raphael perhaps wish to hear some rather fascinating anecdotes about their, shall we say, lesser-known behaviors?"

Shit. His last foray into zoological trivia had involved graphic descriptions of hand-holding sea otters engaging in necrophilia and elaborate traditions among orcas, including the rather disturbing habit of wearing salmon as makeshift hats – apparently a local fashion trend. Another descent into the bizarre and often stomach-churning facets of the animal kingdom, narrated with Levi's unflinching scientific detachment, was undoubtedly imminent.

"Fuck you, with all due affection," I retorted. "But alright, lay your weird and wonderful facts on me. Just try to keep the necrophilia to a minimum this time, alright?"

"Duly noted, dear. Though I make no promises regarding the inherent strangeness of nature. There are observations, particularly among monk seals, of a rather peculiar trend of inserting eels into their nostrils, seemingly for amusement. The exact purpose remains a subject of some debate, but it does highlight a certain… experimental nature in their youth."

He paused, a thoughtful expression on his face. "However, if we are discussing dominance and the lengths to which male seals will go, the elephant seal provides a truly awe-inspiring example. During mating season, which can last for up to three months, the dominant males will often forgo eating entirely. Their sole focus is on asserting and maintaining their supremacy over other males, as only a select few are granted the privilege of mating with the females. These dominance fights are often incredibly brutal, involving immense displays of size and aggression. Considering that mature male elephant seals can reach weights of up to four tonnes, I believe you can begin to appreciate the scale and intensity of these clashes."

"Eels in nostrils, for fun? Just like those salmon-hat-wearing orcas?" I asked, a hint of morbid curiosity in my voice.

"Indeed, dear," Levi replied. "We can only surmise the motivations behind such behavior in the monk seals; dedicated research into this specific phenomenon is still lacking. But speaking of the seemingly playful yet brutal nature of marine mammals, let us not overlook the dolphins. Those creatures, symbols of cheerfulness and intelligence, are, in their own way, sea terrorists. They have been observed using juvenile sharks as makeshift volleyballs, bouncing them between individuals. Furthermore, they engage in coordinated attacks on porpoises. In one well-documented violent incident, a trio of dolphins was seen herding their unfortunate porpoise before an additional seven joined the fray, relentlessly ramming the porpoise until it succumbed to its injuries. And then, in an act of utter nonchalance, they simply pushed the carcass towards a nearby boat, practically shrugged, and swam away, again, dear, seemingly driven by nothing more than amusement."

"My god, Levi! Why? What drives such senseless violence?" I exclaimed, a shiver running down my spine despite the warmth of his embrace.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Levi considered my question, a thoughtful crease forming between his eyebrows. "Hm... consider this, dear: they are the second most intelligent species on this planet. That fact alone should offer some insight into the complexities of their motivations. Furthermore, their diet consists of significant quantities of fish, inherently shaping them into ruthless predators. Their pod dynamics are fiercely competitive, with observed instances of bullying directed towards dolphins from other pods they deem unfavorable. They have even been documented engaging in acts of what could be described as gang rape and murder within their own species, seemingly driven by dominance or perhaps, for amusement. And their proclivity for recreational drug use is also noteworthy; they will nudge pufferfish to induce a toxic reaction, effectively getting 'high' on the neurotoxins. Although," he added as an aside, "sea lions exhibit similar behavior with pufferfish. And primates, who have been observed consuming fermented fruits and fungi to achieve states of intoxication. Depravity, in its myriad forms, appears to be an endless wellspring within the animal kingdom, dear."

"Well," I said, a slight grimace twisting my lips, "that's certainly put a bit of a damper on any romantic notions I might have harbored about frolicking with dolphins."

Levi chuckled softly. "A truly ill-advised endeavor, I assure you. However," he continued, sensing my shift in mood, "if my dear Pulla finds my macabre fascination with animal depravity a touch tiresome, allow me to illuminate a more compassionate. There are numerous documented cases of dolphins displaying remarkable altruism, rescuing humans from shipwrecks, and even intervening to protect whales and their calves from the depredations of hunters. Furthermore, they possess a level of self-awareness that is quite profound; they are capable of recognizing their own reflection in a mirror and have even demonstrated the capacity to use tools in their environment."

Ah, the pendulum swings. It’s always fascinating how Levi can hold these contradictory aspects of the natural world in his mind without any apparent cognitive dissonance.

"Thank you for the peace offering," I murmured, leaning into his touch. "You are hereby granted permission to bestow upon me another piece of compassionate trivia."

"Hm... let me delve into the archives of animal benevolence once more, then, dear. A most intriguing phenomenon, this altruism. Much like in our own species, it appears to be multifaceted, and often, if we are being truly objective, not entirely devoid of self-serving motivations. In more controlled laboratory environments, various psittacines – parrots and their kin – have been observed engaging in food sharing. They were trained to exchange tokens through a slot to receive food rewards. Interestingly, if a test bird's access to the food slot was blocked, a neighboring bird would often spontaneously drop its own tokens into the blocked enclosure, allowing the first bird to obtain food, thus sacrificing its own immediate opportunity for a larger share. However," he added, a thoughtful note entering his voice, "the parrots exhibited a significantly greater reluctance to share when the researchers used actual food items instead of the abstract tokens. Similarly, the documented cases of bonobos adopting orphans, while undeniably touching, likely also confer certain social advantages upon the adoptive individuals, bolstering their standing within the group and potentially forging new and valuable alliances."

"Wow, Levi, that token-sharing thing with the parrots was genuinely fascinating... But... it actually raises a question for me. What might have caused that behavior to evolve in the first place? What's the evolutionary advantage there?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Levi considered my question. "Hm... do you wish for a truly detailed and potentially hours-long explanation delving into the intricacies of evolutionary biology, or would you prefer more... bite-sized pieces of trivia related to the topic?"

Knowing full well the depths of Levi's intellectual rabbit holes, I opted for brevity. "Trivias, please."

He took a deep breath, his gaze drifting upwards as if consulting the vast library of his mind. "Evolution, my dear Raphael, is illogical, messy, and ultimately unpredictable process. Not every trait or behavior that arises is necessarily optimal or even demonstrably useful for survival. It... simply is. We can gather data, construct elaborate and compelling theories attempting to explain why certain behaviors manifest, but to simply state, 'for survival, for mating, for preserving the species,' those are often... very pedestrian and frankly, insufficient explanations. After all," he continued, a characteristic glint of intellectual challenge in his eyes, "if everything were solely driven by the imperative to mate, how then do we account for the prevalence of asexual and homosexual behaviors in various species? You see? There isn't always a neat, logical explanation. It quite simply... emerges."

"But surely there must be some underlying pressure, some advantage, even if it's not immediately obvious?" I probed.

"I didn't deny the existence of those pressures, dear, not at all," Levi clarified, his tone patient. "Obviously, environmental shifts, biological imperatives, physiological constraints, historical accidents, genetic predispositions, the relentless forces of adaptation and natural selection, pleiotropic effects, random mutations, the impact of illnesses and plagues, cataclysmic events that wiped out entire species across continents… these are all significant factors in the grand tapestry of evolution. My primary point, dear Raphael, is simply that the path of evolution is rarely a straightforward, predictable line. Hm… let me conjure a pertinent example for you… Ah, yes. Consider the persistent and hunting of elephants for their ivory tusks. This intense selective pressure has, in some elephant populations, led to an increased prevalence of individuals born without tusks. However," Levi emphasized, "those very tusks are crucial for the survival of these creatures, as they utilize them for foraging, particularly for accessing the heavy vegetation they rely upon. In such instances, we can only surmise that evolution, in its blind and often ironic way, 'whispered' a solution that simultaneously addresses one threat while potentially exacerbating another."

Evolution whispering. That's a darkly poetic way to put it. Losing a vital tool for survival just to avoid being killed for that very tool.

"So, evolution isn't always about 'better,' it's just about... 'different enough to survive now'?" I asked, trying to distill his complex explanation into a more digestible concept.

"Oh, my dear Raphael," Levi began, a comforting hand gently patting my back. "Evolution is truly not about 'better' in any absolute sense. Not at all, dear. You cannot confine its intricate dance to a single word, or even a simple adjective. Evolution is fundamentally... non-linear. That, I assume, is the most simplistic, yet objectively accurate, way I can possibly describe it."

Non-linear. Yes, that resonates. Not a climb upwards, but a branching, twisting path with dead ends and unexpected leaps.

"Wow," I said, genuinely impressed by his concise yet insightful explanation. "That was actually a really good explanation, Levi. You know, you'd make a fantastic professor." A faint blush crept onto my cheeks as a cascade of memories from our early escapades flooded my mind. Please, god, I thought, a hopeful flutter in my chest, let him sense the direction of my thoughts.

"Ugh," Levi groaned softly, a hint of genuine distaste coloring his voice. "They actually tried to pressure me into staying on as an academician at the Royal Academia, Raphael. I had to weave a tapestry of polite lies to extricate myself from that particular fate. You see, the fundamental issue isn't the intellectual pursuits themselves – those, at times, can be… tolerable. No, the true torment lies in the incessant need to document every minute finding according to the archaic and utterly nonsensical laws dictated by a cabal of geriatric, undoubtedly sexist, men. And if that weren't sufficiently soul-crushing, each different Academia and institute clings to its own labyrinthine set of scientific protocols. My god… the sheer, suffocating tedium of it all..." He shuddered dramatically.

His passion, even when directed at something he loathes, is still so intensely him. The way his brow furrows, the slight tension in his jaw… it’s the same focused energy he used to… Gods, stop it, Raphael. Focus. But the thought of him, so brilliant and unconstrained in his mind, being forced into those stifling little boxes… it makes me want to unleash him. My hand is itching to trace the line of his neck, down to where his shirt… No. Focus on the tedium. The soul-crushing tedium that almost kept him from… me.

My hand, with a will of its own, found its way to his forearm, my fingers tracing the familiar contours of his muscles. "Please... Levi," I murmured, my voice husky with longing, shifting my position so that my upper leg rested intimately against his. "Let's... let's do something..."

"Gods, it always manages to surprise me just how effortlessly you can... well... ignite your engine," he said, his voice a low drawl, and with a knowing smirk, he nudged my now subtly hardening crotch with a press of his hips.

"Stop making fun of me," I grumbled playfully, my hand now resting possessively on his crotch. I began to rub gently, feeling the immediate response beneath my palm.

"Hm..." he purred, a slow smile spreading across his lips. "But it is rather... amusing, wouldn't you agree, Pulla?"

Infuriating bastard. He always relished these slow, deliberate escalations, drawing out the anticipation, savoring the tension. Never the immediate, volatile eruption that consumed me.

I didn't offer a reply, instead closing the distance between our faces until I could feel his breath on my lips. "Tell me," I murmured, "what can we do, what is safe for you right now?"

"Hm..." he replied, his eyes searching mine. "Absolutely no penetrative sex, dear. But... other than that, I believe we can certainly manage to find some mutually enjoyable activities."

Gods... I wanted his dick so desperately. We had been eagerly anticipating our anniversary, planning a passionate reunion. I just missed my husband.

A sigh escaped my lips. "Mutually enjoyable... right."

Levi's hand covered mine, stilling my restless fingers. "Patience, my dear," he murmured, his voice a low rumble. "This... temporary inconvenience will not last forever. And in the meantime," his thumb traced circles on the back of my hand, "we are nothing if not resourceful."