The fragile truce we had tentatively established that morning shattered. A visitor arrived, carrying with her the weight of unspoken tensions and the looming specter of the past. The burning question that had haunted the edges of our interactions, the final, agonizing misery that clung to Levi like a shadow, materialized in the doorway. Lady Elira.

A complex mix of emotions churned within me. A part of me, perhaps the human part that still clung to a sense of life's sanctity, was undeniably relieved that Levi hadn't gone through with the abortion. Yet, that relief was instantly overshadowed by the reality of the immense suffering he had endured, the violation he had experienced. It felt like a cruel paradox, a twisted knot of conflicting feelings.

The three of us found ourselves seated in the back garden once more, gathered around our coffee table. The setting was deceptively ordinary, the gentle rustling of leaves and the warmth of the afternoon sun. It was a replay of that previous, agonizing encounter, the same players on the same stage, but this time, the stakes felt even higher.

Fuck. This was going to be brutal.

"Sir Blake," Lady Elira began, her voice carrying a polite but formal tone.

"Please, call me Levi, Miss Elira," he corrected gently. Not Lady, but Miss. Okay, Levi. I noted.

Elira reached into her bag and carefully extracted a photograph, a black and white ultrasound image. She held it out towards us.

It was twins. Two tiny figures nestled together on the grainy paper. A boy and a girl. So it wasn't just a baby, but also twins? Fuck. Two lives, two futures irrevocably linked to Levi, a consequence of that single, brutal act.

"May I learn the reason for your visit, Miss Elira?" Levi asked, his voice calm and measured, betraying none of the turmoil I could sense simmering beneath the surface.

"Sir— Levi," Elira began, her gaze steady, "I wanted to ask if you wish to adopt one or two of the twins."

"No."

The single word was delivered with a chilling finality, devoid of even a moment's hesitation. But beneath the table, I saw his hand clench into a tight fist, the knuckles white against his skin.

I reached out subtly, my hand finding his beneath the table. My fingers closed over his tight fist. I squeezed gently, hoping to convey a sliver of the understanding and solidarity. His knuckles were rigid beneath my touch.

"Levi," Lady Elira said softly, her gaze holding a note of weary understanding. "I understand this must be difficult for you."

"Miss Elira," Levi replied, his voice still tightly controlled, "you are already aware of the horrible act that brought those twins into your belly."

"I wanted to give you a chance, Levi," she countered, her tone tinged with a hint of pleading.

"What chance, Miss Elira?" he retorted, his control finally beginning to fray, a sharp edge entering his voice. "A chance to be constantly reminded of that particular two-day blackout? If it is parenting you wished to discuss, I believed I made my intentions unequivocally clear during our initial meeting. I did not consent to any of this. However," his jaw tightened, "my husband talked me out of causing you a miscarriage."

My hand tightened further on his, a silent plea for him to perhaps soften his tone, even as I understood the raw pain fueling his words.

Lady Elira looked down at her pregnant belly, her hand resting protectively on its curve. A wave of profound sadness washed over her face, her initial composure finally cracking. "So…" she whispered, her voice barely audible, thick with emotion. "You truly want nothing to do with them?"

"I assume neither my anger nor my pain pierces through your skull," Levi stated, his voice low and dangerous, the control finally shattering. "Please paint this in your head, Miss Elira; would you wish for parenting if your twins were born out of rape? If that is truly your opinion, then so be it. But it is not mine. Since I stripped the titles of every noble and dragged them through the royal halls for their crimes, I will not now pressure you for a relocation. The children will receive material support, and proper teaching. If it is absolutely necessary, I can even arrange a live-in companion for you to assist."

Tears welled in Lady Elira's eyes, her voice catching on a choked sob. "I… I don't know what to do," she confessed, the raw vulnerability of her situation laid bare.

Fuck…

This was a precarious tightrope walk. Levi's raw pain and his absolute refusal to be a father to children born from such a violation were completely understandable, undeniably valid. Yet, looking at Elira, her face etched with distress, her hand protectively cradling her swollen belly, it was clear she was in a terrible position, facing a daunting future alone with twins. How did I navigate this impossible situation? How could I possibly reconcile Levi's justified pain with Elira's evident vulnerability? I needed to tread carefully, to find a way to offer support without invalidating Levi's feelings or pressuring him into a role he so vehemently rejected.

"Miss Elira…" I began, my voice gentle but firm, trying to navigate the treacherous emotional waters. "I assume that since the revolution, your family has faced a great deal of change. That is possibly the biggest reason for your hesitancy right now. Since Levi has offered comprehensive material support, please do not concern yourself with that aspect. But, as a person, you must also try to understand his perspective. He has always made his feelings about this situation unequivocally clear. And yes," I admitted, meeting her gaze steadily, "I am partly to blame for his initial reluctance regarding an abortion. If you do not wish to have children, or to raise these twins on your own… perhaps we can discuss the possibility of adoption… with other capable and loving families."

"I… I… I haven't considered that, Raphael," Miss Elira admitted after a long, thoughtful pause, her gaze distant as if a new vista had just opened before her. "I haven't considered possibilities beyond Levi."

Ah, Gods. Yes. Fuck… A gigantic boulder lifted off my chest. A wave of relief washed over me, so potent it almost buckled my knees.

"It's understandable, Elira," I said gently, offering a reassuring smile. "This is a huge decision, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. But there are resources and support systems available if you're open to exploring adoption. We can discuss options, connect you with reputable agencies, and ensure the twins find a loving and stable home if that's what you decide is best for everyone involved." I paused, letting the words sink in. "Would you be willing to learn more about the adoption process, Elira? There's no pressure to decide anything right now, but having information can empower you to make the choice that feels right for you and your children."

Fuck, yes. I was actually navigating this impossible situation with some semblance of grace. Negotiation wasn't usually my forte, but the sheer desperation of the moment seemed to have unlocked some hidden talent. Yes. Gods.

"Before your due date, contact my secretaries," Levi stated, his voice firm and leaving no room for argument, though his gaze remained fixed on the distant horizon. "You are allowed to have comprehensive child support, Miss Elira. But I assure you," he finally turned his head slightly, his eyes meeting hers with a cold, hard intensity, "I will not be gentle if you knock on my door again seeking 'parenting.' My tolerance for this situation has reached its absolute limit."

Shit. Levi's bluntness, the sheer iciness in his tone, was bordering on terrifying. He was drawing a line in the sand so stark it could probably be seen from space. While his feelings were valid, the sheer force of his rejection, directed at a pregnant woman already in a vulnerable position, felt like it could send her straight into premature labor.

I touched my feet to Levi’s shin. He did not react, but I assume he understood.

Tears silently tracked down Lady Elira's cheeks as she looked down at her hands, her voice barely a whisper. "I only… I didn't know what else to do."

"Miss Elira," I said gently, trying to counteract the harshness of Levi's words. "Your feelings are completely understood. It's absolutely understandable that you are seeking options and support during this time. Please do reach out to his secretaries before your due date. And yes, since it's a twin pregnancy, that time might approach sooner than you expect. We will ensure you receive the assistance you need." My gaze flickered briefly to Levi, still unmoving, before returning to Elira, hoping she understood that my offer.

Lady Elira's gaze drifted back down to her pregnant belly, her hand resting over the swell. A hesitant question laced with a deep sadness entered her voice. "Will… will he truly not see them?"

Fuck… Why did you do this Elira? Why? He already gave you his boundary, already offered you support, even though he was an unwilling sperm donor, he legally had no obligation but you had to ask that? Shit. He could say anything right now. He'd be completely justified in unleashing the full force of his anger and frustration. I had, in my misguided attempt to soften the blow for Elira, potentially reopened his wounds and forced him to reiterate the boundaries he had so clearly established.

I could see the barely contained fury radiating off Levi in waves. His jaw was clenched so tightly the muscles jumped, and I could hear the faint, grating sound of his teeth grinding together. His hands, still resting on the table, were now fists again, the knuckles stark white.

“Miss Elira. Do not dare to assume my compliance for acceptance. I have never once accepted this.”

Levi's voice was a low, guttural snarl, each syllable deliberately separated, laced with a barely leashed fury that made the air around him seem to vibrate. His eyes, narrowed to dangerous slits, locked onto hers.

Despite the tremor in her voice, a spark of anger ignited within Lady Elira. She lifted her head, her tear-filled eyes meeting Levi's blazing gaze. "And do not you dare think you are the only one who suffered," she choked out.

"You should have never

taken my mother's offer, Elira. For what? Your family? The very family that abandoned you with your children? The family whose precious titles I personally stripped away, dragged through the mud of their own corruption? I warned you, seven months ago. Let's recall your exact phrasing, shall we?" A cruel smile flickered across his lips. "'Sanctity.' Ah, yes. Such a high-minded principle. Tell me, Miss Elira, has the novelty worn off yet? Has the weight of that 'sanctity' begun to crush you under its pious burden?"

"They are innocent in all of this," she stated quietly, her voice firm despite the tears still streaming down her face.

"But you are not," Levi countered, his voice devoid of any sympathy.

"The offer that I made seven months ago," Levi continued, his tone cold and clinical, "was not an act of malice. It was an act of kindness and, dare I say, mercy. The universe, however, has its own cruel way of imparting lessons. Now, I presume you have learned."

"I just wanted a family, Levi."

"And… now… you don't," Levi stated, his voice flat, devoid of any emotion. "The circumstances you find yourself in right now were clearly foretold by me. But you chose to disregard my warnings. And now you stand here, with the very lives you sought to protect from me, begging me, in essence, to now save you from their consequences. What a profoundly ironic twist, Miss Elira. Truly. A narrative arc worthy of the most tragic of tales."

Ugh…

Honestly, the level of "I told you so" was almost comical if it weren't so cruel. I mean, yes, he was right. He laid it all out, the potential consequences, the stark reality he envisioned. He even used those exact words. But… fuck my naive empathy. I just wanted to ease the situation, to find some semblance of human connection in this mess. Instead, I've just given him more ammunition for his righteous indignation. Sometimes, my bleeding heart needs a serious reality check.

"Okay…" I began, my voice firm but laced with a weariness that mirrored the heavy atmosphere. "Now, both of you, please just take a breath. Yes, Levi," I acknowledged, turning to him, my gaze steady, "you laid out your position with absolute clarity. Yes, as unpleasant as it is to admit, you were right about the potential outcome. And Miss Elira," I continued, turning my attention to her, my tone softening with a touch of empathy, "please, I urge you to contact Levi's secretaries as soon as possible so they can begin arranging contact with a reputable adoption agency. Levi has made his stance on parenting these children unequivocally clear. And let's be honest here, you wouldn't realistically seek parental support from someone who views himself as nothing more than an unwilling sperm donor. It's clear you're searching for any viable option, and that's understandable. But all is not lost. These children are solely yours, Elira, and you have the agency to make the best choices for their future, whatever those may be."

A small, shaky sigh escaped Lady Elira's lips. "You are right, Raphael," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I was… grasping at straws."

"It is alright," I said gently, offering a small, reassuring smile. "I mean, even one baby can be overwhelming for a single parent, but twins? That's a monumental undertaking. It's perfectly understandable that you were exploring every possible avenue of support."

"I… want to do what is best for them," Lady Elira said, her voice gaining a touch more strength, her gaze softening as she looked down at her belly. "And if that means there are things I cannot provide… then yes… I will contact an adoption agency. Thank you… both."

Levi simply gave a curt nod.

"Of course, Miss Elira," I echoed, offering a reassuring smile. "Please don't hesitate to reach out as soon as you feel ready. We will ensure the process is as smooth and supportive as possible for you."

It felt like we had finally reached a fragile truce, a tentative step towards a resolution that, while not ideal for anyone, at least acknowledged the reality of the situation.

Lady Elira offered me a small, grateful smile and a gentle shake of my hand. Her touch was fleeting but conveyed a wealth of unspoken emotion – a mix of sadness, relief, and a burgeoning sense of resolve. When she turned to leave, her gaze flickered towards Levi. He remained unmoving, his expression still guarded, offering no gesture of farewell or reconciliation. With a final, almost imperceptible sigh, she turned and walked away, her figure receding down the garden path, leaving a heavy silence in her wake.

I took a deep breath and ran a weary hand through my hair. There were no easy answers, no clean resolutions. Elira's departure had, at least, quieted Levi's anger, but it left him strangely detached. He was looking up at the sky, his gaze distant, almost lost in the slow drift of the clouds, as if the earthbound drama held no further interest for him.

The sky held his attention for a long, unnerving silence.

"Do you wish for children?"

He still hadn't turned from the clouds.

"I mean… I…" I stammered, a flush rising to my cheeks. "As a gay man, children… it's not something I've ever seriously considered. It's not the path laid out for us, is it? Why do you ask, Levi?"

"It prickles at my skin," Levi murmured, his eyes still fixed on the sky. "This constant awareness of… absence. Maybe a child can give you the possibility of truly connecting with another being, of feeling… understood."

"Did you… ask that for my sake, Levi?" I tilted my head, studying his impassive profile against the sky. The wind ruffled his hair, a small, fleeting movement that seemed to belie the stillness of his posture. "Because you struggle to connect, you believe I should… soothe myself with a child?"

Levi finally turned his head, his gaze meeting mine with an intensity that made me instinctively recoil. "Watching you… struggling to decipher my nature, to bridge the chasm between us… it's… Maybe if I can offer you a child, you can also find some solace, some grounding, while trying to… navigate your life with me."

The world stopped for a moment.

Levi's words slammed into me. It was like a punch, yes, a brutal strike, not quite with the bone-jarring power of the Conqueror's, but still… a devastating hit. It shattered my assumptions, leaving me reeling.

I had profoundly underestimated the depth of his… loyalty.

Ah fuck. Tears, hot and unwelcome, pricked at the corners of my eyes, blurring the edges of my vision. My throat burned with a fierce intensity, as if I'd swallowed fire, each swallow a fresh wave of agony. I was so blind. So utterly, painfully blind. My hands trembled.

I was so arrogant. I had been riding on my high horse, preening in my supposed emotional intellect, convinced I held some superior understanding of him, of everything.

A loyalty this fierce, this absolute, was something I'd only read about in legends, tales of heroes and mythical bonds. To witness it firsthand was humbling, almost terrifying in its intensity.

What could I possibly offer him in return for that kind of devotion? I had already betrayed his trust, hadn't I? I'd tried to cheat on him, attempting to justify my actions with the pathetic excuses of alcohol and loneliness. Gods, the self-deception was nauseating. A blind, selfish, fucking idiot.

All I'd given him was some affection. At best. Some twisted, self-serving imitation of understanding. A pathetic attempt to reciprocate a devotion I was incapable of comprehending. Fuck… I'd offered him scraps when he deserved a feast. What a fucking idiot.

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A maelstrom of emotions tore through me, each one a physical assault. Shame burned like acid in my veins, twisting into embarrassment that tightened my chest, making it hard to breathe. Pain, sharp and raw, hammered behind my eyes, threatening to overwhelm me. My body felt like a battleground, every nerve ending screaming in protest. None of it was pleasant. Not a single damn thing.

What a truly pathetic, foolish man I was. So driven by my own turbulent emotions, so consumed by my self-pity, that I couldn't even recognize the profound depth of his loyalty, his unwavering devotion to the first person who'd ever shown him a sliver of genuine kindness. And that kindness? Born out of a contract, rooted in material obligation.

Sobs wracked my body, so violent and desperate that they stole my breath, leaving me gasping and choking. My chest heaved, and I clenched my fists against it, as if trying to contain the agony within. My heart hammered against my ribs, a frantic, trapped bird. Shame pinned me down, a crushing weight that made it impossible to lift my head, to meet his gaze. I was utterly incapable of facing him.

Maybe it wasn't just guilt, not even shame alone. Perhaps it was something more complex, more unsettling. Maybe it was pity, yes, but laced with a dawning awe. This lonely, isolated bastard, so utterly alone, and the first person to show him even a flicker of warmth, of genuine attention, was me. And he, in turn, had always, persistently, stubbornly, tried his damnedest to be devoted. It was a devotion I hadn't earned, hadn't deserved.

"Raphael! Are you alright?" His hands, surprisingly gentle, gripped my shoulders, lifting me with a swiftness. Ah… Even in my broken state, his concern was immediate, instinctive. Even though he was detached from the nuances of emotion, even though he didn’t empathy, he was trying, in his own way, with every fiber of his being. Fuck me. I didn't deserve this.

"Shit… Levi," I choked out, my voice thick with emotion. "I'm a fucking idiot. I am so, so sorry. I don't deserve you..." My hands tightened on his, a desperate plea for forgiveness I felt utterly undeserving of.

"What are you talking about, Raphael?" he asked, his voice laced with genuine confusion, his hands firm but gentle as he tried to lift my head. "Look at me. Please."

"I don't deserve your kindness, Levi," I blurted, my throat raw. "I don't deserve your loyalty. I'm so fucking sorry for underestimating you, for being an arrogant piece of shit."

"Raphael, please, calm down," he urged, his voice tight with a confusion. "What are you saying? You're not making any sense." He reached out again, his grip firm but hesitant, as if unsure how to proceed.

"You've given me literally everything you could offer, Levi," I choked out, my voice thick with self-disgust. "And all I could give in return was… what? Some paltry kindness, some fleeting affection? I even betrayed your trust, tried to replace you. It's an insult. It's a fucking insult to what you've offered."

Levi was… lost. He was trying, I could see that in the furrow of his brow, the intensity of his gaze. He was genuinely trying to decipher the chaos of my emotions, to find some logical thread in the tangled mess I was presenting him. But it was painfully clear that this maelstrom of self-loathing and regret was a language he didn't speak.

"I truly do not understand," he murmured, his brow furrowed in genuine confusion, a hint of pleading in his eyes. "Explain yourself to me.”

Ah fuck. Fuck. This was even worse. His kindness, his earnest attempts to connect, his frustratingly unwavering loyalty… it was unbearable. Why couldn't he just react like a normal person? Just get angry, just throw me out, like I deserved after that pathetic attempt to betray him. It wasn't fair. It was too much.

"Raphael, please," he urged. "Help me understand. What do you need from me? Should I fetch you water? Perhaps a cool compress for your head?"

Fucking cool compress to my heart, Levi. That's what needs soothing. It's burning with the acid of regret. My throat is scorching with unshed tears and the fire of self-loathing. A cold compress won't touch this inferno.

"No… I… Gods, Levi, I'm sorry," I managed to choke out, the words catching in my throat, thick with unshed tears and a desperate need for him to understand. "I… I need to… to let some of this… out."

I felt like I was failing at basic communication.

The tears wouldn't stop, each sob a release of pent-up anguish. Levi, his face etched with confusion, tried to pull me close, to offer the solace of a hug. But it felt like pouring oil on a fire. His subtle, soapy scent, normally a comforting reminder of his presence, now felt sharp and acrid, burning my lungs with the intensity of my self-reproach.

After a long, shuddering exhale, my brain finally managed to string together a coherent thought, pushing aside the relentless tide of self-reproach.

"Shit… What a fucking bombshell you dropped on me, Levi. Giving me kids? Why would you even… No… How could you go to such lengths for a person… for this person? For this foolish, pathetic excuse of a man?"

"I mean… my desire is to spend my life with you, for whatever duration you deem acceptable. However, I am not so foolish as to believe I can replicate the… the emotional resonance, the instinctive understanding of connection that other humans are capable of. I cannot compensate for that inherent lack. Your decision to decline my suggestion of another lover indicates a… moral framework I respect. I assumed this alternative might allow you to experience that deeper connection without compromising your… principles."

Ah fuck…

Fuck…

The sheer irony of my self-proclaimed emotional intelligence was a bitter taste in my mouth.

Levi’s offer of children… it still echoed in the stunned silence, a bizarre, almost unbelievable act of… what? Sacrifice? My voice cracked, a raw mix of disbelief and a burgeoning, terrifying awe. "Kids… Truly, Levi? Kids… Even though the very idea seems to sit so alien on you? Kids… Fuck…"

How could he even contemplate such a thing? How could he be willing to tear himself apart, to go to such extraordinary, unfathomable lengths for me? For this foolish, pathetic creature who had betrayed his trust, who barely deserved his… well, anything.

Levi’s reply, when it came, was stark, devoid of the emotional turmoil that was currently tearing me apart. "I thought I was clear. But if you want a simpler… a more base reason, then it's because I want you with me, Raphael. For as long as you'll allow it. That's the… that's the truth of it."

Want me with him. The words, so simple, so devoid of flowery sentiment, still resonated with a strange power.

Panic, sharp and sudden, clawed at my throat. Kids? Absolutely not. I was barely capable of managing my own chaotic existence, let alone the relentless demands of a tiny human.

"Fuck… No, Levi, seriously. I'm a 25-year-old actor. Children are… a hard pass. But maybe… maybe we could find some middle ground? A compromise? How about pets? A dog, maybe… A golden retriever, possibly. That way…" A weak attempt at levity, "you can have two golden retrievers in your life, and I can avoid the whole… diaper situation."

“Great. I can not imagine myself with kids either. I can barely tolerate adults. If a pet is suitable for you, we can arrange a visit to the shelter. The decision of the breed and its age belongs to you. Also, what do you mean by two Golden Retrievers, Raphael? I do not see you as a pet.”

My pathetic attempt at a joke landed with a thud.

A shaky laugh escaped me, a release of some of the suffocating tension. “That was a joke, Levi. A bad one, clearly.” The humor felt brittle, a fragile shield against the raw emotions churning inside me. But the thought of a dog… it actually held a strange appeal. For Levi, maybe even for me, in a way. “But no, not pets right now either. The film festival circuit is looming. I’ll be living out of suitcases again, a bloody nomad. But… I think…” A genuine consideration for him sparked within me, pushing through the fog of my self-absorption. “You… you might actually enjoy a dog companion too, Levi. Someone… predictable. Someone you could… train.”

"It is true pets are actually easier to read and understand given their limited capabilities of showing emotions. But… I have rather unfortunate… Ah…" His voice trailed off, a flicker of something dark crossing his usually impassive features.

"Levi?" I prompted softly, a knot of unease tightening in my stomach. What was that hesitation? That shadow?

He let out a long, drawn-out breath, the sound heavy with something I couldn't quite decipher. "Well… My grandfather, was not… happy about the notion of pets… So…."

Ah shit. What had that monster done? Did he… did he hurt a pet Levi had cared for? The thought was sickening. "Okay…" I said quickly, my voice gentle. "I understand. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to."

The last thing I wanted to do was dredge up some buried trauma, especially not now, when we were finally, tentatively, navigating this bizarre emotional landscape. The image of a young Levi, heartbroken over a lost pet at the hands of that tyrant… it was too much.

Levi’s voice was low, the usual monotone. "It was a bizarre feeling. I think I learned what grief meant at that day. Then my sister’s and father’s death happened. Then I realized what grief meant."

A chill snaked down my spine. What kind of emotional wasteland had Levi grown up in? To have the loss of a pet be a mere intellectual understanding of grief, only to be truly comprehended with the deaths of his sister and father… the chasm of his emotional experience felt vast and unknowable. I swallowed hard, the weight of my own comparatively messy but ultimately loving upbringing pressing down on me. I couldn't even begin to imagine that kind of emotional calibration.

"You always mention your sister and your father…" I said quietly, trying to fill the silence that had settled between us, a silence thick with unspoken grief. "But you never told me their names."

Levi's gaze shifted from mine, turning towards the sky outside the window. It wasn't a casual glance; it was a long, drawn-out gaze, almost reverent, as if he were searching for their faces in the swirling patterns of the clouds.

"Seraph… and… Orion." His voice was barely a whisper, each name uttered with a weight that belied its simplicity.

Orion? My eyebrows shot up in surprise. As in the constellation? The hunter in the night sky?

His almost obsessive interest in astronomy… the countless nights spent gazing at the stars… It wasn't just some detached academic curiosity. It was his father's name.

The weight of my own ignorance pressed down on me. How much had I missed? How much of Levi had remained hidden, obscured by my own self-absorption?

"You told me…" I prompted gently, wanting to understand this crucial piece of Levi, "You loved your father because… he was a gentle and kind person."

Levi's gaze remained fixed on some distant point, his jaw tightening almost imperceptibly. "Yes," he confirmed, the word devoid of inflection, yet carrying a weight of unspoken emotion. "Which was seen as weak by my mother and grandfather."

"Weak," I echoed, the word laced with a bitter irony. What kind of warped worldview equated kindness with weakness? What kind of damage had that inflicted on Levi, shaping his understanding of strength and affection? I desperately wanted to bridge the gap, to show him that gentleness was a strength in itself, a strength he possessed in his own way, however buried it might be.

"I never once thought he was weak," he stated, his voice firm, almost defensive. "He was everything I could strive for. My… my deficiency of empathy never clouded my respect for him." He paused, a hint of sadness in his tone. "But there was only so much that a man with his emotional… capacity could endure. He was an excellent academician, which was the opposite of my grandfather."

A wave of conflicting emotions washed over me. Relief that Levi hadn't internalized that toxic view of his father. A deeper ache for the man who was clearly a beacon of light in Levi's harsh upbringing. And a growing curiosity about the dynamics of Levi's family.

It was a puzzle box of relationships, each piece shaped by the others.

“Did they… hurt your father?” I asked.

Levi's expression hardened, a brief flash of something dark and ancient in his eyes. "Hurt would be rather… kind," he stated flatly. "It was simple torture."

Torture.

Levi continued, his voice devoid of self-pity, almost clinical. "But my father was… he never once considered divorce, even after my sister died."

The weight of that "even" was immense.

"I never understood him," Levi confessed. "Why he did not leave these broken, apathetic, manipulative individuals behind and find his own people. I think I do now."

He paused, and in that brief silence, I held my breath, waiting for the revelation.

"It was simple," Levi finally said, his voice quiet but firm. "Loyalty."

It was the same loyalty that Levi himself displayed, unwavering and absolute. But to what end? To endure torture? To suffer alongside those who caused him pain?

A wave of nausea churned in my stomach. The twisted, almost perverse strength of that loyalty was both awe-inspiring and deeply disturbing.

"Loyalty above all else," he stated, the words flat and final, like a tombstone marking the end of the discussion.

"Even above… himself?" I ventured, my voice barely a whisper, afraid of the answer. "Even above his own happiness?"

The silence stretched, thick and heavy, the only sound the faint hum of the city beyond the window. In that suffocating quiet, I sensed the brutal battle raging within Levi, the agonizing conflict between his ingrained, unyielding beliefs and the terrifying possibility of a different path. A path where loyalty didn't demand utter self-annihilation, where love wasn't inextricably bound to pain.

"Than it wouldn't be loyal," he stated, the words flat and final, like the slamming of a vault door.

My breath hitched in my chest. The logic was impeccable, chillingly so.

A wave of nausea washed over me, stronger this time. It wasn't just the horror of Levi's past; it was the dawning realization of the impossible challenge that lay before me. How could I, with my heart, so full of turbulent emotions and a desperate yearning for connection, even begin to reach someone who defined loyalty as the absolute subjugation of self?

And yet… and yet, the thought of Levi enduring that pain alone, bound by that twisted code, was unbearable.

"You are allowed to… leave me," I finally managed to choke out, the words thick with a desperate urgency I tried to hide. "Get angry at me when I hurt you, Levi. You are allowed to… to prioritize your own well-being." It felt like heresy, a violation of everything Levi held sacred, but I couldn't bear the thought of him trapped in that self-destructive cycle.

"Leave you? What a foolish notion."

"So what," I challenged, my voice rising slightly, "I can do anything I want, and you would just take it? No matter how much it hurts you?"

Levi's gaze remained steady, unwavering. "For the most part. Yes." A beat of silence. "The reason you cannot even begin to grasp how I value you is because of your own… affective responses. Guilt, shame, pity, or others. They are things I do not feel. So, presumably, yes."

"What the fuck even…" I sputtered. "No… I will not go down that path." My voice gained strength, fueled by a growing sense of outrage. "Explain to me, Levi. You can't just drop a bombshell like that and expect me to accept it. I need to understand."

Levi's brow furrowed, a flicker of confusion in his eyes. "Why do you think you might hurt me? That should be the question."

"Because it happens, Levi," I explained, my voice raw with a mix of frustration and a desperate need to make him understand. "Not out of malice, not intentionally. But sometimes… a harsh word slips out. A bad day bleeds into a conversation. Hurt can be inflicted without meaning to." My own past mistakes, the times I'd lashed out in anger or frustration, haunted me. "It's natural, Levi. It's… human. And I have hurt you before."

Levi's response was immediate, unwavering. "And I did not even consider the possibility of leaving you."

"Why wouldn't you?" I pressed, my voice thick with a self-loathing I couldn't quite contain. "I left you, Levi. Just… disappeared for months. Then I even tried to cheat on you, to replace you with someone else. Why… I don't understand how you can just… accept that."

"It is simple, Raphael. You understand."

“No, I fucking don’t. Explain.”

Levi's brow furrowed, a flicker of something almost impatient crossing his face, as if I were deliberately misunderstanding a simple equation. "Raphael. Why would I actively choose to push you away if my desire is for you to be by my side? Is the notion so… alien to you?" He paused, and a strange, almost dangerous undercurrent entered his voice. "Do you want me to yell? To get angry at you? The last time I allowed myself to be consumed by that emotion, I ended a monarchy, Raphael. Why would I ever choose to unleash that… that animalistic force on you?"

He continued, his voice softening slightly, but the underlying intensity remained. "It is not that I am incapable of feeling sadness, Raphael. It is simply that my desire to be with you… overrides those impulses. No matter what you do. Do you truly believe I was joking when I said I could start a war for you?"

"It's give and take, Levi," I insisted, my voice tight with a desperate plea for balance. "It's reciprocity. You can't just… give everything. You can't just endure. That's not how relationships work." My hands clenched into fists, the frustration and confusion threatening to boil over.

Levi's head tilted slightly, his gaze intense and unwavering. "Why do you always assume imbalance, Raphael? Why do you automatically assume that I do not take anything from you?"

"What do you even take then?" I challenged, my voice laced with a defensive edge. "Sex? Affection? Love?”

Levi stopped me, his expression shifting, a hint of something akin to hurt flashing across his face before it was quickly masked. "I do not think you are in a clear head space, Raphael." His voice was low, measured. "How many months have we spent together now? Nearly eight. And do you truly believe the only thing I have gained from you is… sex? Truly?"

He paused, letting the weight of his question sink in. "Eight months, Raphael. It is not a short while. And most of it has been spent with both of us working, living our lives. Do you truly think I am incapable of… receiving anything of emotional value from you? I never demanded your love, or effusive displays of affection. I desired your unwavering loyalty. And even if you choose not to grant me that, I still pledged my loyalty to you. It is mine to give."

"You stubborn… Ugh…" I groaned, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I need to know, too, Levi. I need to know when I'm in the wrong, when I do something that hurts you. You can't just tell someone to go find another lover." The casualness of that suggestion still stung.

Levi's expression softened slightly, a flicker of something akin to pleading in his usually impassive eyes. "If it is truly what you wish, Raphael… fine. I will tell you when you hurt me." He paused, and a tremor entered his voice as he continued. "Throughout our… relationship… the only time I truly experienced… distress was when you left. When you disappeared."

He looked away, his gaze distant, as if replaying those painful months. "And your… your fleeting flirtations? They did not cause me pain. It didn't. But… I wish you hadn't. But I also understand your… your need for connection. With someone… easier. Someone warm and affectionate. All I can offer is my loyalty, Raphael. And the decision of whether that is enough… that decision belongs solely to you."

His gaze returned to mine, intense and unwavering. "If you wish to leave me one day, to find that warmth elsewhere… I cannot, and will not, stand in your way. But I can only wish, with every fiber of my being, that you don't."

"Shut up," I muttered, my voice rough with a mix of frustration and a strange, unwelcome tenderness. "Because of your damn loyalty, Levi, I've been through a fucking maelstrom of emotions. A goddamn tsunami." I rubbed my temples, trying to ward off the headache that was threatening to bloom. "Ugh… I need a drink. A strong one. To try and wash away this… this emotional puzzle. This… this Levi-induced chaos."

It was exhausting, exhilarating, and terrifying all at once.

Levi's lips quirked up in a small, almost imperceptible smirk. "Levi-induced chaos? I find it rather… stimulating, dear. Even the nobles seem to agree."

"Yeah… Ugh… Stop smirking, Levi. Just… stop." I scrubbed a hand over my face, the events of the last hour replaying in my mind in a chaotic jumble. "What a fucking day. You asked me if I want kids, then I cried – violently, I might add – then I got angry, then I… I don't even know what that last thing was. What even is this, Levi? What the hell is happening between us?"

“We are married. I assume this is our second marital argument.”

“Yeah… Fuck… You didn’t do anything. Everything happened in my mind… I still need that drink though.”

"Sure, dear." Levi surprisingly got up from the table, and I followed him. With an unexpected air of domesticity and went to the glass cabinet across the living room, which was filled with various bottles. "Strong, sweet, floral, aromatic, bitter… what is your desire?" He gestured to the array of liquors and mixers with a flourish.

"You were a good mixologist. Fine. Bring me something that can wash away this… this seismic shift of emotions. Something that can quiet the storm raging inside me." I leaned back on the couch, closing my eyes. "Surprise me, Levi. But make it strong enough to forget my own name."