CHAPTER 147: CHAPTER 146 : SERAPHINA’S CHOIR OF JUDGMENT

The chapel should have been a sanctuary of peace. A place of solemn hymns, whispered prayers, and the faint smell of incense. Instead, it was a trap disguised as religious devotion—one orchestrated by none other than Princess Seraphina, High Priestess of "holy melodrama" and undisputed CEO of passive-aggressive love ballads.

Rei knew something was wrong the moment he and Emilia stepped through the great oak doors. The air felt charged. The stained-glass windows glowed not with soft sunlight but with an ominous shimmer, like they had been juiced with magical steroids. The nuns weren’t quietly sweeping or humming lullabies—they were lined up in perfect formation, glaring with the force of several unpaid tax collectors.

And then they sang. "Hymn of Betrayal♪" they chorused, voices harmonizing with such precision that Rei’s ears actually rang.

Rei flinched. "No, absolutely not. I did not sign up for a musical interrogation."

Emilia blinked innocently at the wall of singing nuns. "Oh, how beautiful! Such devotion."

"Devotion?! Emilia, they just sang ’May the unfaithful man’s tongue rot in his skull’ in five-part harmony!" Rei hissed.

"Oh, I thought that was metaphorical."

"It was not metaphorical! That soprano nun had a knife!"

Indeed, one of the nuns brandished what could only be described as a choir-approved ceremonial dagger, its hilt adorned with sheet music and blood-red rubies. She twirled it in tempo with the hymn.

[Warning! You have entered a Seraphina Zone.]

[Danger Level: Hymnal Hell.]

[Side Note: Do not underestimate religious fangirls. They can, and will, out-sing you to death.]

Rei groaned. "System, this is not helpful—"

[Correction: You are also not helpful. Bring it on.]

As if the chorus of veiled assassins wasn’t enough, the stained-glass window above the altar flickered, glowed brighter, and then moved.

The depiction was a holy knight cradling a glowing sword of virtue. Except now that knight blinked, sneered, and lifted his weapon like he had unfinished business with Rei’s family line.

The window stepped out.

"Emilia," Rei whispered. "The glass knight is alive."

"Oh, how pretty," Emilia gasped, clasping her hands. "It looks just like a fairy tale!"

The stained-glass knight raised its sword and immediately tried to slap Rei.

SHATTER–SMACK!

The blow missed by inches, but the impact sent a blast of holy shards flying like weaponized confetti. Rei ducked so fast he nearly folded himself in half.

"FAIRY TALE MY—! Emilia, this is a religious hit squad!"

The knight’s glowing palm came down again. Rei dove across a pew, smashing into the wood with a grunt. He popped up only to see the pew behind him neatly bisected by the knight’s "Virtuous Palm of Slapdom."

"I’m being smited to death by glass!" Rei shrieked.

The nuns intensified their singing. Their hymn shifted from ominous harmony to something terrifyingly upbeat, like a battle anthem composed by someone who really hated men.

"♪ Forsake not the maiden, betray not the vow—

Or face divine judgment, here and now! ♪"

Emilia clapped along. "They’re so talented!"

"Emilia, stop enjoying this!" Rei cried. "This is a death sentence with choreography!"

The stained-glass knight swung again. Rei dove under another pew, but the hymn’s tempo changed. The chorus of nuns stomped their feet in rhythm, each step radiating magical shockwaves that rattled the pews and knocked Rei into the open aisle.

"Great," he groaned. "They’ve turned this into a Broadway execution."

The hymn reached its crescendo. The nuns parted like curtains, and down the aisle swept Seraphina herself.

She was dressed not in her usual flowing royal garb but in full ceremonial priestess attire: radiant white robes, a crown of roses, and an expression of serene doom. She carried a golden hymnal that glowed ominously, as though it were a fusion of scripture and nuclear weaponry.

"Beloved Rei," Seraphina intoned, her voice effortlessly weaving into the hymn. "You dare take another woman to breakfast, to ice cream, to the very lake itself?"

Rei raised his hands. "Hold on—Seraphina, this isn’t what it looks like!"

"Then what is it, if not betrayal?"

"A misunderstanding!"

"A blasphemy against love?"

"A very complicated social situation!"

Seraphina opened her hymnal. The pages turned themselves, stopping on a passage that glowed like a divine lawsuit. She sang the verse, her voice angelic, terrible, and way too loud for the acoustics:

"♪ Let false grooms kneel, confess, and despair—

For heaven’s judgment falls everywhere! ♪"

[New Sub-Mission generated!]

[Survive the Choir of Judgment for 10 minutes.]

[Optional Bonus: Convince Seraphina you are a faithful fiancé without crying.]

[Penalty for Failure: You will be slapped into next week literally.]

Rei screamed inside his head. WHY is my life a side-quest chain from hell?!

The stained-glass knight lunged again, swinging its glowing palm like a church-approved executioner. Rei dodged left, only for the nuns to stomp the floor in harmony, tilting the stone under his feet like the world’s least fun dance floor.

Rei tumbled, rolling into the knight’s range—

SMACK!

He spun midair like a ragdoll, flipping through three pews before crashing into a column.

"GAH! WHY DOES HOLY GLASS HIT HARDER THAN DRAGONS?!" Rei coughed.

[Reminder: Stained-glass entities scale with your guilt level. You have much guilt.]

"Not helping!" Rei snapped.

Emilia, meanwhile, was clapping along like she’d bought front-row tickets. "Rei, they’re so synchronized!"

"I’m being killed by choreography, Emilia!"

Rei scrambled upright, only to see three more stained-glass figures shimmer and step out of their panels. Now there was not one knight but a quartet. Each one brandished glowing palms, ready to deliver holy slaps of justice.

"Oh COME ON—"

[Difficulty has increased!]

[Warning: Incoming multi-slap combo.]

Rei did the only logical thing—he grabbed a hymnal from the nearest pew and chucked it at the glass knight.

BONK.

The hymnal bounced harmlessly off its face. The knight tilted its head, unimpressed, then backhanded Rei across the aisle.

"ARGH—seriously?! Even holy literature hates me?!"

And through it all, Emilia just... smiled.

When the knights lunged, she tilted her head—and they missed. When the hymn reached its most brain-shattering pitch, she sneezed delicately—and the sound waves disrupted the magic for a moment.

When the pew behind her exploded, she brushed dust off her dress and said, "Oh my, how spirited the service is today!"

Rei, bleeding from three new slap-shaped bruises, staggered toward her. "HOW are you not noticing the murder choir?!"

"Oh, Rei," Emilia said sweetly, "you exaggerate so much."

"Exaggerate?! A window just tried to slap my SOUL out of my body!"

Seraphina reached the altar and raised both hands. The hymn stopped on command. Even the glass knights froze.

Her voice rang clear. "Rei, confess your sins before the divine light."

"I didn’t sin!" Rei wheezed. "We just had waffles, ice cream, and a boat ride!"

"With another woman."

"She’s my classmate!"

"She is your temptation."

"She’s lactose intolerant, Seraphina!"

The princess’s serene mask cracked for an instant, her eyes blazing. She sang one final line:

"♪ Faithless groom, prepare to be judged—by love eternal! ♪"

The glass knights raised their palms. The nuns inhaled to deliver one final sonic boom of holy harmony.

Rei screamed—

[Emergency Override Activated!]

[Deploying "Choir of Confusion."]

A discordant kazoo blasted out of nowhere.

All the nuns froze mid-breath, looking scandalized. The stained-glass knights faltered, their palms hovering uncertainly. Even Seraphina blinked, her righteous fury derailed by the sheer audacity of a divine kazoo.

Rei gawked. "System... was that... a kazoo?"

[Yes, you’re welcome.]

"...I take back half the mean things I said about you."

[Half accepted.]

The chaos paused but Seraphina’s eyes narrowed, and Rei could already see the second act coming.

The hymn wasn’t over. The knights weren’t done. And Seraphina definitely wasn’t finished judging his soul.

Rei clutched his head. "I just wanted to sit in a chapel like a normal tourist..."

But this was Seraphina’s world. And in her world, even God hummed breakup songs.

The uneasy silence in the chapel stretched, broken only by the faint hum of the kazoo echoing in the rafters. One nun coughed delicately, as if trying to process the blasphemy of off-key brass. Another crossed herself in sheer horror. The stained-glass knight scratched its head, confused about whether it was still allowed to slap Rei or not.

Seraphina’s voice cut through. "System tricks...? How low you’ve fallen, Rei."

[Correction: System tricks are ’highly advanced improvisational survival tactics.’]

"Shut up," Rei muttered, hiding behind a half-broken pew.

Emilia leaned closer, eyes sparkling with delight. "Rei, do you hear that? It’s like a children’s parade!"

"It’s like a children’s funeral, Emilia! With me in the coffin!"

Seraphina’s hymnal slammed shut with a thunderous BOOM. The shockwave rattled the floor. "Enough games. You will prove your loyalty by trial of hymn. One verse. One vow. Fail, and you shall be excommunicated—from my heart."

Rei’s face drained of blood. "Trial of hymn?! I can’t even clap on beat!"

[Side Mission Updated: Karaoke of Faith initiated.]

[Objective: Sing without dying of shame.]

[Note: You have no rhythm. Probability of failure: 110%.]

"WHY IS IT OVER ONE HUNDRED?!" Rei screamed.

Emilia tugged his sleeve, smiling sweetly. "Don’t worry, Rei. I’ll sing with you."

Rei blinked. "Wait... you will?"

"Of course," she said, utterly calm, as the stained-glass knights raised their hands to applaud the incoming duet.

Rei groaned. "Oh gods. This is how I die—karaoke execution."

To be continued...