CHAPTER 148: CHAPTER 147: ROSETTE’S ULTIMATE MOVE: THE 999TH TRAP

The meadow by the Velvet Manor’s lake should have been the definition of romantic tranquility.

Golden sunlight draped itself lazily across emerald grass. A faint breeze rippled the water’s surface, carrying the scent of flowers and roasted nuts from distant vendors. Birds sang. Butterflies twirled.

And Rei was sweating bullets. Not just because the world was beautiful, but because the picnic blanket spread out beneath him hummed faintly like a bomb about to detonate.

He sat rigid, knees drawn together, spine so straight he could have balanced a wine glass on his head. Emilia sat beside him, nibbling on a cookie with the blissful innocence of a girl who believed picnics were safe.

They weren’t. Of course not when Rosette was involved.

"Emilia," Rei whispered, voice trembling. "Don’t... move too suddenly."

She blinked, crumbs dotting her lips. "Why?"

Rei forced a smile that looked more like a grimace. "Because the ground under us is probably wired like a military-grade death puzzle."

Emilia tilted her head. "...But it’s just a blanket."

"(Oh, sweet naïve Emilia.)" Rei’s inner voice screamed, That’s what she wants you to think!

And as if summoned by paranoia, a single petal drifted from the nearby cherry tree and landed on the edge of the blanket.

Click.

A small dart shot out of the grass, zipping past Rei’s ear and impaling itself into a tree trunk with a faint thwip.

Emilia froze. Her cookie hovered mid-bite. "W-what was—"

"Trap number 437," Rei muttered grimly. "If you breathe wrong, the blanket kills us."

Earlier that morning, Rei had thought—just this once, maybe it’ll be peaceful. Rosette, the quiet maid, had politely suggested a picnic by the lake. The weather was perfect. Emilia had agreed with sparkly eyes. Rei, against his better judgment, thought maybe—just maybe—it wouldn’t end in trauma.

But Rosette wasn’t the kind of maid to serve sandwiches. No, she was the kind who’d handcraft a thousand micro-traps, label them alphabetically, and smile faintly as her master struggled not to explode.

[System Notification: WARNING – Host has entered "Rosette’s Tactical Engagement Zone." Probability of survival without PTSD: 0.01%.]

Rei’s eye twitched. "Thank you, System, for the encouragement."

[System Response: You’re welcome ♥ Please sign waiver if you’d like your corpse pose adjusted for artistic dignity.]

"Shut up!" Rei hissed under his breath.

Emilia looked at him nervously. "Rei... is this... one of those ’missions’ again?"

"Worse." He scanned the meadow. He could feel the mines. Invisible lines of danger crisscrossed around them like spiderwebs. "This is Rosette’s love language."

As if to confirm, a squirrel scampered too close to the blanket.

BOOM!

A net launched from underground, scooping up the squirrel and hanging it from a tree branch like a prisoner of war.

Emilia clutched her cookie. "S-she even trapped the animals?!"

Rei buried his face in his hands. "This isn’t a picnic. This is a test site."

"Okay," Rei whispered, "don’t panic. We just have to figure out where the traps are and disarm them."

Emilia raised a trembling hand. "Um... can’t we just... leave?"

Rei laughed hollowly. "Leave? Emilia, the moment we stand up, the ground triggers the lateral fire rune minefield."

Her eyes widened. "L-lateral fire rune minefield?!"

"Yeah." He pointed at a suspicious tuft of grass. "That patch right there? Definitely spell-charged. And that rock? Don’t touch it—it’s rigged with a tripwire mechanism. Oh, and don’t sneeze. The pollen’s enchanted."

"Enchanted pollen?!"

"Rosette doesn’t half-ass."

[System Notification: Fun Fact – Rosette has planted exactly 998 traps across the picnic site. 437 active, 561 passive, 22 disguised as emotional manipulation triggers.]

Rei paled. "...Wait. Did you just say 998?"

[System Response: Correct. Awaiting Host’s discovery of trap #999 – final boss level.]

A cold shiver ran down Rei’s back.

Emilia chewed her lip. "But... if there are 998 traps, then... where’s the last one?"

Rei slowly looked down at the very thing they were sitting on.

The blanket was the perfectly soft, suspiciously cozy, deceptively normal blanket.

"Oh no." His pupils shrank. "Oh no."

[System Notification: Ding! Host has located Trap #999: "Rosette Herself." Congratulations on your impending doom!]

Rei screamed internally. Before he could move, the blanket rippled and then—shifted.

It wasn’t fabric but Rosette.

She emerged seamlessly, like a shadow unfolding. Her face appeared inches from Rei’s, her crimson eyes glowing faintly in the sunlight.

"...Master," Rosette whispered, voice soft as silk. "You found me."

Rei’s soul left his body.

"W-why—HOW—what—" he stammered incoherently.

Rosette tilted her head. "Did you enjoy the picnic I prepared?"

"The what?!" Rei shrieked. "You disguised yourself as the blanket?! The whole time I was sitting on you?!"

Her lips curved in the faintest smile. "Correct. Trap number 999: myself. No one can sit where you sit but me, Master."

Emilia gagged on her cookie. "T-that’s insane!!"

Rosette’s gaze slid toward her, calm yet razor-sharp. "Love requires thoroughness."

[System Notification: WARNING – Yandere Energy detected at 110%. Recommend immediate groveling.]

Rei pressed his palms together like a prayer. "Rosette, please. Let’s not kill anyone today. Especially not me."

But Rosette leaned closer, her voice lowering. "Don’t worry, Master. The traps are only meant to protect you. If you had tried to leave without finishing the picnic..." She snapped her fingers.

Everywhere in the meadow, hidden glyphs glowed ominously. The air itself hummed with power.

"...everything would have exploded."

Rei went pale. "Oh gods."

Emilia looked like she wanted to cry. "Th-this is... this is romantic???"

Rosette’s expression didn’t change. "Yes."

Rei tried to steady his breathing. "Okay, okay. Let’s think. Maybe... if we eat something, it counts as completing the picnic, and she’ll let us leave alive."

Emilia brightened slightly. "Oh! I already had a cookie—"

"NO." Rei grabbed her wrist before she could take another bite. "Don’t just eat random food here! That’s how the neurotoxin pastries get you!"

Rosette blinked innocently.

Rei glared at her. "Don’t act like you didn’t bake those, you chef of death!"

[System Notification: Host is currently surrounded by:

37 Explosive Pastries

19 Hallucinogenic Sandwiches

1 Very Angry Maid disguised as upholstery]

Rei’s sanity cracked. "WHY?!"

Rosette’s tone was gentle, almost soothing. "Because love requires sacrifice, Master. If you survive all 999 traps, it means we’re destined."

Emilia snapped. "That’s not love! That’s attempted murder!"

Rosette finally tilted her head toward her, serene but chilling. "If he dies, then he was never worthy."

Rei waved his arms wildly. "HELLO?? I’m RIGHT HERE. I AM NOT A TEST SUBJECT."

Desperate, Rei tried logic.

"Rosette," he said slowly, "look... you’ve already proven you’re... thorough. But if you really want to show love, maybe don’t blow me up?"

Rosette blinked.

[System Notification: Probability of Rosette agreeing: 1%. Probability of Rosette pretending to agree and then testing you anyway: 99%.]

Rei’s eye twitched. "You’re useless, System."

[System Response: Excuse you. I am premium useless.]

Just then, Emilia sneezed.

Click.

A tripwire activated and a dozen knives shot up from the grass, swirling like a blender.

"DUCK!" Rei tackled her down, the blades whirring overhead before sinking back into hidden slots.

His heart hammered. "See?! THIS is why I said don’t move!"

Emilia whimpered. "I-I didn’t mean to—!"

Rosette’s eyes softened. "Master shielded her..."

Rei froze. "Oh no."

That tone, that wasn’t good, that was murderous good.

The meadow vibrated. Every trap—every rune, every glyph, every hidden contraption—began to light up simultaneously.

Rei screamed. "SHE’S GONNA DETONATE EVERYTHING!"

Rosette whispered, "Master should not protect others. Master should only rely... on me."

[System Notification: Time until mass detonation: 10... 9... 8...]

Rei panicked. "ROSSETTE, STOP! If you blow us all up, then you won’t have me either!"

Then she hesitated before doing anything.

[System Notification: 7... 6...]

"Think, Rei, THINK!" His brain scrambled. He needed something—anything—to stop her.

"Rosette!" he blurted. "If you kill me, who’ll sit on you again?!"

Then suddenly countdown froze.

Rosette blinked. Slowly, her cheeks tinted faint pink. "...Master... will sit on me again?"

[System Notification: Yandere Energy destabilized. Explosion sequence cancelled.]

Rei collapsed, sobbing into his hands. "I hate my life."

Emilia, still pinned under him, whispered hoarsely, "...Rei... you might be the only person alive who can disarm love-bombs with worse love-bombs."

The traps flickered and deactivated. The meadow looked peaceful again, as if nothing had happened.

Rosette smoothed her apron—how she had one now after being a blanket was anyone’s guess. She bowed serenely. "Picnic complete. Thank you for your participation, Master."

Rei lay face-down in the grass, twitching.

[System Notification: Congratulations! Host has survived "Rosette’s Ultimate Move: The 999th Trap." Reward: 1x Sanity Point.]

Rei snarled. "ONE sanity point?! After all that?!"

[System Response: Please understand, sanity is a limited currency. Be grateful.]

Emilia groaned. "Rei... maybe next time we just... eat indoors?"

Rei’s hollow laughter echoed across the meadow. "Next time? Emilia, there is no next time. I’m never touching a blanket again."

Rosette stood silently, smiling faintly. The glint in her eye promised otherwise.

And somewhere in the heavens, Goddess Eris choked on her noodles from laughing too hard.

To be continued...