Dungeon of Forgotten Clubs – Collapsed Chapel Chamber.

Time: Too late for sanity.

Mood: Explosive.

The ceiling dust hadn't even finished settling when negotiations collapsed into the most predictable outcome: total magical warfare.

Rei coughed violently from his thorn-chair prison. "This was supposed to be peace talks!" he wheezed. "P-E-A-C-E. Not… not a live-action battle royale featuring my girlfriends!!"

[System Clarification: You mean wives. Or dungeon-wives. Or fiancée-wives. Status unclear.]

[At this point, even I can't keep up with your marital status.]

"Don't you dare," Rei growled. "Don't you dare count the cursed printer marriages."

[Too late ♥]

The chamber transformed into a battlefield instantly.

Rosette stood poised, blades orbiting her like a steel halo, each one gleaming with the dim torchlight. Across from her, Drakana's wings unfurled to their full draconic span, filling half the ruined space with a shadow of flame and fang.

Seraphina hovered above, hymn book glowing with radiant runes, her voice cutting through the dungeon air like judgment incarnate.

Lilia braced herself atop the tank turret, veil flowing in a nonexistent breeze, rosary clutched in one hand while the other primed another matrimonial artillery blast.

And Emilia? She stood perfectly calm, parasol delicately tilted over her shoulder, sipping her tea like this was afternoon gossip rather than a prelude to homicide.

"Alright, ladies," Rei croaked desperately, still tied to the floral-blade monstrosity chair. "Let's just—sit down, breathe, maybe talk this out—"

He was ignored. Of course he was.

Drakana snarled, tail smashing against the ground. "The maid stole him first. She dies first."

Rosette's knives shimmered into a deadly lotus formation. "You will not touch Master Rei."

"Master?" Seraphina's hymn flared, rainbow fire spilling from the pages. "Blasphemy! He is no one's servant—he is divinely ordained as mine!"

Lilia raised her voice, righteous fury shaking the crumbling dungeon. "Darling belongs in holy matrimony, not blood-stained shadows! Consecrated artillery—fire!"

The cannon boomed, unleashing a glowing engagement-ring projectile that ricocheted around the dungeon like a murderous pinball.

Rei screamed. "STOP USING WEDDING MAGIC AS BALLISTICS!"

[System Notification: Incoming Doom Detected.]

[Probability of Survival: 5%.]

[Bonus Modifier: If you keep screaming, 3%.]

The projectile whizzed past him, blasting a crater in the floor. Dust and petals showered everywhere.

Emilia set down her teacup with a sigh. "Ara, ara. If you're all intent on killing each other, I suppose I should participate. It would be impolite not to."

With that, her parasol snapped open—except instead of cloth, it bloomed into a swirling vortex of void magic, hungry and black. She twirled it casually, the gravitational pull dragging chunks of rubble toward its edge.

Rei's jaw dropped. "THAT'S NOT A PARASOL, THAT'S A BLACK HOLE WITH POLKA DOTS!"

[System Notification: New Hazard Detected – "Tea Party Singularity."]

[Advice: Do not get sucked in. Obviously.]

"OH THANK YOU FOR THE GENIUS TIP!" Rei roared.

More chaos erupted. Drakana unleashed a stream of dragonfire, only for Rosette's daggers to interlock into a gleaming wall of steel, deflecting the flames.

Seraphina sang, her notes bursting into radiant feathers that tried to pin Rosette down, only for Emilia's parasol vortex to swallow them whole.

Lilia fired again, her holy artillery sending shockwaves of marital paperwork into the air—each blast peppered the walls with glowing magical marriage contracts.

Rei stared at the fluttering papers in horror. "Not MORE certificates! I can't be simultaneously married, dungeon-married, and ballistically-married!"

[System Notification: Yes, you can. ♥]

He rattled his bindings furiously. "I WANT A DIVORCE!"

[System Error: Divorce function not found.]

[System Suggestion: Try dying. It's faster.]

"USELESS PIECE OF SOFTWARE!"

The duel raged around him, each woman escalating in increasingly ludicrous displays of affection-turned-violence. Fire, steel, hymns, artillery, gravity wells—all blasting the crumbling chamber to rubble.

And somehow, miraculously, Rei wriggled. The ropes loosened just enough during one of the explosions.

He yanked, twisted, and—pop!—slipped free.

"YES!" he screamed, bolting across the battlefield. "FREEDOM, BABY!"

Of course, none of them noticed.

Drakana and Seraphina clashed midair, roaring hymn versus dragonfire. Lilia bellowed vows while reloading the cannon. Emilia yawned, tilting her parasol to casually redirect a flying dagger storm into the ceiling.

Rei ran. He ran like a man with no plan, no hope, and no idea where the emergency exit was.

[System New Mission: "Escape the Love Battlefield."]

[Reward: Not being filleted.]

[Penalty: Filleted.]

The dungeon's twisting corridors blurred as Rei sprinted past forgotten classrooms and crumbling murals. He tripped over dusty chairs, dodged a floating volleyball mascot that moaned about "practice," and hurdled piles of fake marriage certificates.

"Never again," he panted. "Never again am I holding peace talks underground."

[You should've held them in a volcano. Safer.]

Rei skidded around a corner—

And slammed straight into someone.

"Oof—!"

He tumbled, landing in a heap of limbs and dust. Groaning, he glanced up. "S-sorry, didn't mean to—"

And froze because staring back at him was the last person he expected.

A tall figure, sharp-eyed, dressed in the old academy student council president's uniform, Immaculate posture and a calm smile.

"Careful there," the figure said smoothly. "You'll hurt yourself running like that."

Rei's brow furrowed. "…Wait a sec. Aren't you—didn't you graduate, like, five years ago?"

The man smiled wider. "I never left."

The torches flickered ominously. Shadows coiled unnaturally at his feet.

Rei's stomach plummeted. "…Oh no."

The man's form shimmered, uniform warping into black armor, smile sharpening into something demonic.

"Allow me to reintroduce myself," the figure purred, voice layered with echoes. "I am Lucivella's counterpart. The true Demon Lord."

Rei's scream echoed down the dungeon halls louder than any hymn or dragon roar.

[System Emergency Alert: New Boss Encounter Detected.]

[Title Acquired: "Runs From Peace, Trips Into Apocalypse."]

[System Advice: Good luck ♥]

Rei's scream echoed through the dungeon like a tortured flute, bouncing off cracked stone and half-collapsed stained glass murals of forgotten clubs. Somewhere in the distance, the words "Drama Club Forever!" fell off a crumbling banner and smacked him on the head.

"Of all people," Rei muttered, rubbing his temple, "it had to be the Demon Lord disguised as a student council president. What's next? Is the janitor secretly a god?"

[System Notification: 63% chance janitor = god.]

[Mop of Destiny, anyone?]

The Demon Lord chuckled, voice dripping menace. "Still joking at a time like this? Bold. Or foolish." He reached down, grasping Rei's wrist with casual strength, and hoisted him up like a kitten. "You've been quite the troublemaker. My generals whisper your name."

"That's not my fault!" Rei yelped, dangling like an unwanted keychain. "Blame the yanderes! Do you know what it's like living with them?! Every day is a survival dungeon!"

The Demon Lord tilted his head. "Survival dungeon?"

"Yes! Knife traps! Fire traps! Marriage traps! And worst of all—" Rei's eyes darted around before lowering his voice, "—pillow-sharing traps."

[System Note: Warning, The last trap is the deadliest.]

The Demon Lord actually paused. His dark aura flickered uncertainly. "Marriage traps… pillow traps… What kind of kingdom are you running?"

"I'M NOT RUNNING IT!" Rei snapped. "I'm barely running away! Big difference!"

Before the Demon Lord could respond, a BOOM rocked the corridor. Dust rained down. From behind, a glowing cannonball of holy matrimony magic punched through three walls, leaving a heart-shaped hole in its wake.

"REI, MY LOVE!" Lilia's voice bellowed, echoing like an angry choir. "COME BACK TO OUR HOLY BED OF SANCTITY!"

Rei buried his face in his hands. "She's got homing artillery now?! Oh come on!"

[System Notification: New Sub-Quest – "Survive the Yandere Peace Talks Sequel."]

[Reward: Prolonged lifespan.]

[Penalty: Honeymoon, with All of Them at Once.]

The Demon Lord blinked. For a second, the menace faltered, replaced by genuine confusion. "...What are these women?"

"You tell me!" Rei cried. "I thought you were the big bad final boss! But at this point, I think you're safer than them!"

That was when the others arrived.

A section of ceiling exploded inward, showering stone and flower petals. Drakana swooped in through the debris, wings blazing. Seraphina descended with blinding radiance, hymn book open to some catastrophic psalm. Emilia strolled out of a shadow portal, parasol spinning idly. And Rosette crawled out of the rubble like a horror-movie monster, blades clinking in time with her smile.

"Master Rei." Rosette's voice was velvet steel. "Step away from the demon."

"Step away from him?" Rei barked. "HE'S HOLDING ME LIKE A TOY DOLL!"

The Demon Lord, to his credit, tried to look imposing again. But when faced with five glowing, glaring, and heavily armed yanderes, his eyes flickered.

"Ah," he said slowly. "So these are the infamous… wives."

"Don't you dare call them that," Rei hissed. "That only encourages them."

"WIVES!" Drakana roared, flame erupting. "Say it louder!"

"DESTINED!" Seraphina cried, hymn blazing like fireworks.

"BOUND BY HOLY LAW!" Lilia's cannon swiveled ominously.

"EXCLUSIVELY MINE," Rosette whispered, one blade tracing along her lips.

Emilia sipped her tea and murmured, "Ara, ara. Such competition. How refreshing."

The Demon Lord, for perhaps the first time in his ancient life, looked… unnerved. His smile twitched. "You people are insane."

Rei threw his hands up. "THANK YOU! FINALLY, SOMEONE SAYS IT!"

[System Clarification: Insanity confirmed. ♥]

The yanderes stepped forward in unison, weapons, fire, hymns, and parasols raised. The dungeon trembled.

Rei squawked. "WAIT, HOLD ON! WE CAN'T JUST—"

It's too late now because five different attacks shot forward, converging toward the Demon Lord… who was still holding Rei by the wrist.

Rei's eyes widened. "OH NO—"

BOOOOOOM.

The world vanished in a catastrophic explosion of dragonfire, hymn-light, holy artillery, black-hole parasol energy, and flying daggers. The entire dungeon corridor disintegrated, chunks of stone raining like confetti.

When the dust finally cleared, a smoking crater stretched where the hallway once stood. In the center…

Rei sat cross-legged, hair singed, clothes shredded, eyebrows gone. Next to him, the Demon Lord sat equally charred, still holding Rei's wrist. Both stared forward in dead silence.

Finally, Rei croaked: "...See? This is what I live with."

The Demon Lord blinked. "…You know what? Maybe conquering the world can wait."

[System Notification: Unexpected Event – Demon Lord Reconsidering Life Choices.]

[System Achievement Unlocked: "Therapist by Accident."]

Rei groaned, flopping backward. "Kill me now."

[We are working on it ♥]

To be continued…