CHAPTER 166: CHAPTER 165: ROSETTE’S ROOM BECOMES A WAR BUNKER

In the west wing of velvet manor Rei had been through many humiliating experiences since "Engagement Week" began. Being serenaded by two hundred choir members chanting about his chastity, roasted in public propaganda posters featuring his face crying into cereal and compared to a "World Cup trophy" by his own system.

But tonight... tonight was different because he had just been dragged—literally dragged—by the wrist, into the dark and deadly lair of Rosette.

The mansion’s maids whispered rumors about it. Students of the academy avoided its door. And Rei himself had always sworn that if he valued his sanity, he would never step inside Rosette’s personal quarters.

Yet here he was, standing in the middle of her bedroom, staring at what could only be described as a siege fortress disguised as interior décor.

"Um," Rei coughed weakly, "is it normal for a maid’s bedroom to have... uh... mounted magical cannons pointed at the bed?"

Rosette’s expression, blank as ever, did not waver. She brushed her long black hair behind her shoulder and closed the door with a soft click.

"Necessary," she replied, voice calm like a guillotine blade being lowered. "They are anti-kiss turrets."

Rei blinked rapidly. "...Anti... what?"

Without answering, Rosette pressed a rune on the wall. The ceiling panels hissed open, revealing gleaming brass and obsidian contraptions aimed directly at where he was standing. Tiny mana-crystals blinked red like hungry eyes.

Rei took a nervous step back. "Wait—hold on—are those tracking me?!"

Rosette nodded, her tone disturbingly casual. "Correct. I calibrated them to your lips’ heat signature. If Lucivella attempts to kiss you again, or if any yandere surpasses a ten-centimeter lip proximity radius... Yandere Protocol V will activate."

A crystal ball in the corner hummed to life, projecting glowing scarlet words across the room:

[YANDERE PROTOCOL V: LOCKED AND LOADED]

Rei froze. "...What’s Protocol V?"

Rosette finally allowed the faintest curve of a smile. "You don’t want to know."

[Warning: Rosette has installed "Groom Defense Systems" around her quarters.]

[Estimated Firepower: Enough to level a small kingdom.]

[Threat Level: Wife-grade nuclear deterrent.]

[Probability of Rei Surviving a Kiss Attempt in This Room: 0%.]

[You’ve become the world’s most overprotected pudding cup.]

Rei raised his hands. "Rosette. I appreciate the thought and I really do but don’t you think this is... excessive?"

She tilted her head. "Excessive would be orbital cannons. I am still budgeting for those."

"...Budgeting?! From where?!"

"The Church of Lilia has donors. I intercepted them."

Rei pinched the bridge of his nose. "You stole holy crusade donations to build kiss-prevention turrets?!"

"Correct." Rosette adjusted her gloves with cold precision. "You are my master. My groom. I will not allow your lips to be desecrated by unworthy mouths."

The turrets clicked ominously, rotating toward him as if to underline the point. Rei stepped sideways, praying silently.

"Rosette... I’m not property!" he argued. "I’m a person with free will! With dignity! With—"

A turret beeped, and he immediately shut up.

On the dinner table, one hour earlier. The problem had begun, like all disasters, with breakfast.

Lucivella, Queen of Demons, Supreme of Seductions, had once again tried to claim her "daily fiancé privilege." Which meant she leaned in during pancakes, cupped Rei’s chin, and declared in front of everyone:

"A day without Velvet’s lips is a day without moonlight."

Before Rei could protest, Lucivella tilted her head for a kiss.

Before the kiss could land, Rosette snapped her fingers. A hidden ceiling turret fired a blinding beam of magical energy, carving a warning line across the table between Rei and Lucivella’s lips.

ZZZZZT!

Lucivella paused, blinked, then calmly buttered her toast as if nothing happened. "Interesting. So the maid has decided to challenge me."

Rei screamed. "ROSSEEEEETTE! You don’t laser the breakfast table!"

Rosette didn’t even blink. "Necessary defense. Next time it will not be a warning."

That, Rei realized, was how this war bunker nightmare had started.

Back in Rosette’s Room. Now Rei was trapped inside, surrounded by weaponized chandeliers, glowing runes on every wall, and a wardrobe that suspiciously looked like a missile silo.

"So," Rei croaked, "let me get this straight. If Lucivella, or anyone else, tries to kiss me, your room turns into... a magical execution chamber?"

Rosette’s answer was disturbingly serene. "Correct. My sensors cover all entry points. There are lasers, wards, and fifty-seven unique traps. The protocol ensures maximum protection. I call it: Groom Preservation System, Version Five."

Rei buried his face in his hands. "Why Version Five? What happened to the other four?!"

Rosette’s smile sharpened. "Test subjects."

The turrets whirred in agreement.

[Warning: Rosette’s "Yandere Protocol V" has officially entered operational status.]

[Secondary Warning: Rei’s chance of spontaneous combustion inside this room is now 45%.]

[Tertiary Warning: Lucivella is already plotting countermeasures.]

[Your love life is now equivalent to a magical arms race.]

BOOM.

The manor shook violently. Rei stumbled toward the window, pulling the curtain aside. His stomach dropped.

Outside, in the garden, Lucivella’s faction had apparently constructed a rival fortress overnight—an obsidian watchtower with glowing sigils and floating gargoyles. At its top, a massive banner read:

"VELVET IS ALREADY MINE ♥ —Lucivella"

Rei’s scream cracked the glass.

Rosette narrowed her eyes at the tower, then calmly pulled a lever on her wall. The turrets outside pivoted toward the window, humming with mana.

"Engaging countermeasure," she murmured.

"NOOOO DON’T START A SIEGE IN THE GARDEN!" Rei shrieked.

Lilia marched in with her Sacred Order, banners flying. "Blasphemy! You cannot wage a demonic war here! This is holy ground! Only my crusade may build towers!"

Her choir immediately began singing louder, drowning out the demonic gargoyle chants.

Drakana landed with a crash, pointing her spear at the sky. "Both of you shut up. This courtyard belongs to my mate claim. Any tower not made of dragonfire is illegal!"

Rosette’s voice carried coldly from the window. "Correction: All towers are illegal. Only Rei’s bunker remains."

Then the first anti-kiss turret fired, and the war officially began.

[System Emergency Broadcast]

[New Major Event: Siege of Velvet Manor.]

[Current Factions: Demon Occupation, Holy Crusade of Love, Dragon Mate Rights, Knife Shadow Syndicate, and "Cookies For Peace" (still 5%).]

[Rei’s Current Position: Stuck in Rosette’s War Bunker.]

[Probability of Rei Being Declared "Spoils of War": 72%.]

[Congratulations, you’re now the prize of a continental arms race.]

Inside the bunker, alarms blared. Red runes pulsed across the ceiling. The turrets rotated with frightening speed.

"Rosette!" Rei yelled, diving behind her bed as beams of magic blasted through the windows. "This is insane! They’re going to level the whole mansion!"

She stood calmly, hair flowing as she pressed glowing runes into the wall. "Do not fear. My system is superior. With Yandere Protocol V, no one will touch you."

"That’s the problem! I don’t want anyone fighting over me at all!"

The turrets answered with another barrage.

[Main Mission: Survive Engagement Week.]

[Sub-Mission: Avoid being blown up by girlfriend deterrent weaponry.]

[Failure Consequence: Engraved gravestone reading "Here Lies Rei Velvet, Kissed to Death by Factions."]

[Reward: One intact bowl of cereal, if such a thing still exists.]

By midnight, the manor grounds looked like a battlefield. Choir hymns clashed with demon roars, dragon fire painted the skies, and the smell of Emilia’s cookies floated helplessly through the chaos.

Meanwhile, Rei sat curled on Rosette’s bunker floor, rocking back and forth as turrets hummed overhead.

"I just wanted peace," he whispered hoarsely. "A bowl of cereal, a nap and a normal life."

Rosette crouched beside him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. Her expression softened just enough to send chills down his spine.

"You will have peace, my groom. Peace... enforced by superior firepower."

The turrets whirred in perfect harmony and somewhere in the distance, the choir sang louder.

[Faction Influence: Demon Lord – 33%. Sacred Order – 32%. Dragon Mate Rights – 20%. Rosette’s War Bunker – ???%. Emilia – 5% but cookies are now black-market currency.]

[Probability of Rei Surviving Until Tomorrow: 9%.]

[Don’t worry. If you die, they’ll build statues with turrets.]

Rei thought the nightmare was finally over when the bunker lights dimmed and the turrets powered down into "standby mode." His breathing slowed—until he noticed Rosette pulling a rolled-up parchment from under her pillow.

"...What’s that?" Rei asked warily.

"A blueprint," Rosette replied. "Version Six."

His eye twitched. "There’s going to be a Version Six?"

She unrolled it across the floor. It was a detailed map of the entire academy, overlaid with circles and sigils. Rei leaned closer, then recoiled when he realized each circle marked "Orbital Beam Placement."

"You’re planning planetary artillery?!" he shrieked.

Rosette’s tone never shifted. "If your lips are threatened, I must escalate."

Rei fell onto his back, staring at the ceiling as muffled choir hymns and gargoyle screeches echoed from outside. "This isn’t escalation, Rosette. This is... this is world domination disguised as jealousy!"

Her shadow loomed over him, hair cascading like a curtain, eyes glinting with solemn devotion. "If the world must burn for your safety, then let it burn."

Rei whimpered. "I’m a human, not an endangered species!"

[Correction: User Rei is officially rarer than endangered species.]

[Statistical Comparison: Pandas have a higher mating success rate.]

[At least pandas don’t need turrets.]

Outside, another explosion rattled the bunker. The factions were still warring. The banners still flapped. The hymns still screamed.

And inside the bunker, Rei clutched his head and wailed to the heavens:

"WHY IS MY LOVE LIFE A STRATEGIC WEAPONS PROGRAM?!"

The turrets hummed again, almost like they were laughing.

To be continued...