CHAPTER 180: CHAPTER 179: EXAMS, EXPLOSIONS, AND THE CARAVAN OF BRIDES

Rei had survived office deadlines, Earth rent prices, and now two entire arcs of yandere warfare, but nothing could prepare him for the morning after Cake Diplomacy.

He awoke in the ruins of what used to be his dorm room—half wall missing, ceiling open to the sky, pigeons nesting in his wardrobe. His pillow was now a stack of charred syllabi, his blanket a half-burnt exam rubric.

[System Morning Report: Sleep Quality = -200%.]

[Reason: Pillow Screaming "Marry Me" At 3 A.M.]

[Should’ve Bought Earplugs Instead Of Wives.]

Rei groaned, rolling over onto a pile of broken chalk. "No... not exams... please..."

But exams were exactly what was waiting.

On his desk—well, his desk-shaped pile of ash—sat six envelopes. Each was sealed with wax, each glowing faintly with murderous intent. They pulsed like cursed hearts, waiting to detonate.

Rei stared. "...Oh no."

Letter One: Lilia.

"Dearest Husband. Please answer the following essay question: Why am I the only holy and acceptable bride for you? (Minimum 3000 words. Failure results in divine smiting.)"

Letter Two: Velveria.

"My Darling. Enclosed is your future marriage contract. Please sign with blood before sundown, or the shadows will claim your organs as collateral. Love, Velveria ♡"

Letter Three: Seraphina.

"Beloved. This is your sacred exam of vows. Multiple-choice. (A) Yes, you will marry me. (B) Absolutely yes. (C) Praise the Light, my Angel Bride."

Letter Four: Rosette.

"Master. I have planted twenty-four bombs across the campus. Answer: Which room do you wish to spare? Deadline: thirty minutes. (This is not multiple choice.)"

Letter Five: Drakana.

"MATE. Question: Who is strongest? (A) Drakana. (B) Drakana. (C) Dragon Wife. (D) All the above. Incorrect answer = barbecue."

Letter Six: Emilia.

"Rei. This is your final exam in Home Economics of Love. Bake me a cake using only your tears, flour, and devotion. If you fail, I will simply replace you with a more obedient version. :)"

Rei collapsed against the wall. "These aren’t exams. These are... death traps with stationery."

[System Notification: New Side Quest – "Pass All Six Bride Exams."]

[Difficulty: Impossible.]

[Reward: Marriage.]

[Failure: Death or Marriage.

[I Same Thing Really.]

Rei carefully slid all six letters under his bed. Which promptly caught fire.

He didn’t reply because he couldn’t and the brides noticed.

By nightfall, his dorm window shattered. Six silhouettes appeared against the moonlight, descending like avenging angels—or demons, depending on perspective.

Lilia landed with a flutter of holy veils.

Velveria flowed in as smoke.

Drakana crashed through the roof, wings cracking beams.

Seraphina rode in on a radiant griffin.

Rosette crawled out from under his bed (already waiting).

Emilia just opened the door calmly, carrying snacks.

Rei screamed. "I was going to reply! I just needed... more paper! And... more... years of life!"

The six moved closer, brandishing contracts, hymnals, claws, cupcakes, knives, and rings.

[System Notification: Mini-Mission Complete – "Unread But Still Alive."]

[Reward: Temporary Breathing Privileges.]

[Enjoy It Before They Strangle You.]

The problem with six obsessive brides in one confined space was simple: curse feedback loops.

Lilia’s hymn of divine devotion overlapped with Velveria’s shadow oath. Drakana’s dragon aura flared. Rosette’s runic explosives hummed. Seraphina’s vows clashed with Emilia’s enchantments.

Together, they formed what scholars would one day call: The Bride Singularity.

The dorm shook. Books combusted. The chalkboard screamed "MARRY ME" in sixteen languages.

Rei raised a hand. "Wait—don’t—"

But it’s too late now. The magical resonance snapped.

BOOOOOOM.

An explosion ripped across the campus like a chain of fireworks. The alchemy crater doubled in size. The library wept ink floods. The cafeteria detonated lasagna again. The central tower groaned once... twice... then folded in half like a defeated origami swan.

Rei flew through the air, arms flailing. "WHY DOES EVERY EXAM END IN A NATURAL DISASTER?!"

[System Warning: Catastrophic Bride Resonance Detected.]

[System Note: This Is Why Polygamy Is Banned In Most Magic Schools.]

The night sky lit up in curtains of magical fire. Exploding bouquets rained from clouds. A choir of ghost professors sang the school anthem backwards.

Students fled screaming. One shouted, "I just wanted a diploma!" before being flattened by a flying pew.

Rei spiraled downward until six hands grabbed him at once. The brides had teleported. Each tried to claim the rescue.

"I caught him first!" Lilia declared.

"No, my shadows cushioned his fall," Velveria hissed.

Drakana roared. "Dragon wings saved mate!"

Rosette whispered, "I already had him marked for extraction."

Seraphina lifted her staff. "By divine mandate, he was mine to protect."

Emilia simply adjusted her apron. "Obviously, he lives because of me."

Rei dangled in their arms like laundry on a stormy clothesline. "Please just... put me down anywhere safe! A potato field! A sewer! Literally anywhere!"

[System Notification: Groom Secured.]

[Secured, As In "Trapped In Six Sets Of Arms Forever."]

By dawn, the once-great Royal Magic Academy was no more.

All that remained was rubble, smoking quills, and the faint smell of marinara. The central tower collapsed fully, creating a mushroom cloud of textbooks.

The staff held a funeral service, tossing report cards into the wind. The secretary wept over the melted tea set.

Rei stared at the wreckage. "I destroyed higher education. Again."

[System Report: Academy Status – 0%.]

[Achievement Unlocked: "Dean of Disaster."]

[Congratulations. You Are Now Overqualified For Unemployment.]

With no school left, the question arose: Where would Rei go now?

The brides answered in terrifying unison: "With us."

Lilia clasped his hands. "I shall guide you with divine light, my darling."

Velveria coiled shadows around his shoulders. "And I will ensure eternity binds us, no matter where you run."

Drakana lifted him onto her dragon mount. "Mate travel with a dragon caravan!"

Seraphina enchanted his boots. "To prevent wandering, I have imbued your steps with holy tethers. You can only walk... toward us."

Rei looked down. The boots literally dragged his feet in circles around them. "I’m... a Roomba."

Rosette didn’t even reply. She just zipped herself inside his luggage, eyes glowing from the cracks.

Emilia calmly adjusted her hair, pulling out a picnic basket. "I will handle provisions. The rest of you will squabble."

And thus, the Caravan of Brides was born. Six women, one unwilling groom, one dragon mount, too many curses, and zero privacy.

As they marched across the ruined horizon, the System chimed like an execution bell.

[Title Gained: Dean of Disaster.]

[Reward: Emotional Trauma + Lifetime Marriage Debt.]

[New Main Mission: Prepare For The Demon Lord’s Honeymoon Trial.]

[Side Quest: Pick A Favorite Wife (HAHA Just Kidding. You Can’t.)]

Rei staggered, fists shaking at the sky. "STOP MAKING SIDE QUESTS ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE!"

His scream echoed into the horizon as the sun rose over ruins, frosting stains still on his cheek. The black screen of fate closed.

The "Caravan of Brides" set off at dawn, leaving behind the smoldering carcass of the Royal Magic Academy. To an outsider, it might have looked like a grand procession: banners fluttering, a dragon mount soaring above, holy hymns echoing, and shadow bats carrying luggage.

To Rei, it was a mobile prison.

He trudged in the center like a hostage on display, tugged left and right by invisible magical leashes. Seraphina’s enchanted boots forced his steps toward her every time he drifted, while Velveria’s shadows dragged him back whenever he strayed too close to Emilia’s picnic basket.

"Can’t I just... walk on my own?" Rei begged.

Six voices in harmony: "No."

[System Observation: Mobility = 0%. Dignity = -200%. Marriage Prospects = Unfortunately High.]

Naturally, the brides immediately began arguing over travel arrangements.

"We march in divine order," Lilia insisted, halo blazing. "Rei at the center, my hymns keeping his soul pure."

Velveria hissed, shadows coiling around her veil. "No, he walks beside me. Eternity accepts no rivals."

Drakana slammed her tail on the ground, nearly toppling the entire caravan. "MATE RIDES ON DRAGON! NO FEET DRAGGING!"

Rosette quietly raised her hand, voice sharp as a blade. "I’ve already secured his transport." She unzipped the largest suitcase, revealing an elaborate coffin-bed lined with velvet. "Compact. Portable. Escape-proof."

Rei’s jaw dropped. "That’s not luggage—that’s a coffin on wheels!"

Emilia calmly poured tea into six cups at once, ignoring the chaos. "Whoever controls the snacks controls the husband. Naturally, I win."

[System Analysis: Predicting Divorce Rate = 600%. Fatality Rate = 700%. Cake Ration = 0%.]

They passed through a quiet farming village. Peasants stopped plowing their fields to watch.

"Who... who are they?" one whispered.

"A noble caravan, maybe?" another guessed. "Looks like a wedding procession."

"No, that’s definitely a funeral."

Then Rosette adjusted Rei’s coffin-on-wheels, Velveria summoned bats to shade him, Drakana’s dragon belched fire into the sky, and Seraphina erected a glowing holy barrier around them.

The farmer dropped his hoe. "Never mind. It’s the apocalypse."

At one point, Rei spotted a side road. He took a deep breath, clenched his fists, and tried to sprint toward freedom.

His boots glowed holy white, dragging him back toward Seraphina. Shadows whipped around his ankles, pulling him toward Velveria. Dragon claws scooped him up and deposited him on Drakana’s shoulder.

Emilia sighed, holding out a cupcake. "Stop resisting sugar helps."

Rei bit the cupcake in defeat. "...dammit, that’s good."

[System Note: Attempted Escape Count = 37. Successful Escapes = 0. Cupcakes Consumed = 12. Waistline Expansion = Pending.]

By sunset, the caravan camped on a ruined hill overlooking the remains of the academy. Fires still smoldered in the distance. A single school bell rang once, then fell silent forever.

Rei stared at it all, shoulders slumping. "Goodbye, higher education. Hello, lifelong imprisonment."

The six brides gathered around the campfire, each subtly scooting closer. Velveria hummed the wedding march under her breath. Rosette carved his initials into the log. Seraphina polished his "future wedding ring."

[Title Earned: Dean of Disaster.]

[New Main Mission: Prepare for the Demon Lord’s Honeymoon Trial.]

[Side Quest: Survive Sleeping Between Six Brides Tonight.]

Rei buried his face in his hands. "I want... a refund on reincarnation."

His scream echoed into the night, blending with dragon roars and the faint sound of hymns.

And so, the Caravan of Brides rolled into the horizon.

To be continued...