CHAPTER 46: US OR THEM

[Ethan’s POV]

...

I didn’t sleep.

While the others slept, I couldn’t sleep.

Not because Pike’s men might have been close, though I knew they were. And not because monsters prowled the city’s veins, though I’d felt their breath in the tunnels.

I didn’t sleep because of blood. Rather, it was because of human blood.

It still clung to my gauntlet in memory, slick and hot where the spikes had punched through.

The faces came back every time I closed my eyes. The shock in their eyes, not fear of a monster, not terror of the Rift, but surprise that someone like me had turned predator and took their life.

Someone like me... A deliveryman, a nobody.

The Wheel pulsed faintly in my skull like it was mocking me. I tried not to pay attention to it, but then it spoke.

DING!

~----~

[System Notice – Awakener Kills Detected!]

[Reward Mechanism Engaged... please wait...]

[Drop Categories:]

*Rift Shards (Common)

*Stat Residue (Uncommon)

*Skill Fragments (Rare)

*Echo Gear (Rare)

*Rank Tokens (Very Rare)

*Corrupted Traits (High Risk/ High Reward)

...

I froze.

Drop rewards... so this is what the system meant.

I finally understood why Pike was so hell-bent on hunting us. He hadn’t just been hunting for supplies, he’d been hunting for this.

This was not my first time hearing of this, I heard it first from Reid the first time that I met him. ’Has Reid... killed other Awakeners before?’ The thought sent a chill running down my spine.

I felt complicated.

The system didn’t let me get my thoughts in order though as more notifications cascaded, merciless.

...

[System Drops Acquired!]

*Rift Shards ×5 (+25 Rift Energy restored)

*Stat Residue ×2 (+1 Strength, +1 Perception)

*Skill Fragment (1/7)

[Skill Registered: Phantom Mirage]

Create a temporary illusory double that lasts 10 seconds. Double cannot deal damage, but can mislead enemies and draw fire.

Current Uses: 3. Collect 7 fragments for permanent acquisition.

~----~

The glow of the rewards gradually faded, leaving me staring at nothing in the ruined ward. I was stunned.

’Phantom Mirage... is that the ability of one of the Awakeners that I killed?’ The thought made my blood run cold.

’Cannibalism,’ I thought, horrified.

Strength, perception, then rift shards, though I don’t know what their use was yet. Also, the skill... a skill that could make me a phantom on the battlefield.

They were all rewards that anyone with a gun and a dead heart would crave.

I understood now. Why Pike’s men moved like a pack of wolves fattened on blood, why he spoke about the hunt like it was scripture, why discipline hadn’t broken even when half his squad had been torn apart by the Echo Maw.

Because killing humans wasn’t just cruelty, it was profitable.

I felt bile rise in my throat.

I killed them.

I killed them with my fist, with the gauntlet that had become more me than flesh, and the system clapped me on the back like a proud father.

’Good job, Ethan. Here’s your prize’.

I pressed my palms to my face and tried to rub the memory out of my skull. But all it did was push it deeper.

I thought about the men.

They weren’t monsters, they weren’t aberrations. They had been human, just like me. People who might have carried groceries, cursed at traffic, and kissed someone goodnight before the Rift burned the sky.

And I ended them.

I had no choice. If I hadn’t struck, they would have killed Jonas, Travis, Kara, Reid, and Mira. They would have killed me too.

But choice or not, blood was on my hands. And worse, the system had made sure it meant something.

Every reward notification burned in my vision.

My muscles still hummed with the +1 strength, my senses sharper from the +1 perception. The world felt lighter under my legs because of the agility Shadowstep had gifted me.

My heart should have been heavy, but I felt... stronger. And that disgusted me more than the blood.

"You’re thinking too hard," a voice suddenly rasped beside me.

At first, I was startled. I hadn’t heard him sit down at all. Only now did I truly realize how out of it I was to not even notice him approach.

Reid leaned against the wall, his rifle across his knees, eyes half-shadowed by exhaustion.

I stoke a glance at him. "Couldn’t sleep either?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Never do," he said simply. "Not since day one."

I stared at the floor.

At first, I didn’t want to say, I wanted to keep quiet but the words came out without my consent. "I killed them," I curled up. "Pike’s men, I-I..."

"You saved us," Reid cut in. His tone was steady, a soldier’s voice that didn’t waste words. "Don’t dress it up as something else."

I laughed bitterly. "Is that supposed to make it easier?"

"No," Reid said, and turned his eyes on me, sharp despite the fever in his skin. "It’s supposed to make it true."

I shook my head. "I was a deliveryman, Reid".

"I brought packages to doors. Groceries, boxes... that was my life, not this. Now I’m breaking people apart with my fists, and the system’s feeding me prizes for it. How the hell am I supposed to..."

Reid’s hand clapped onto my shoulder. His grip was weak, but the weight of it was iron.

"Ethan, look at me."

I met his eyes.

"It’s us or them."

Just two words, but they landed heavier than any bullet.

"If you hesitate," Reid continued, "If you stop because you’re afraid of what it means to kill them, then we die. All of us".

"And Pike laughs, and the system keeps spinning anyway. So you tell me," he leaned closer, his jaw tight. "Do you want them to stand over our bodies? Or do you want us to keep walking?"

I swallowed hard, throat dry.

Us or them.

I thought of Travis, shaking but alive, dragging healing out of his soul in one of the craziest events that I had ever seen live just to keep Jonas breathing.

I thought of Jonas laughing even when his ribs screamed.

I thought of Mira, too young to look this hollow, still standing between us and storms. I thought of Kara, all arrogance and fire, refusing to let Reid fall even when it meant her own skin tore.

And I thought of Reid himself, still bleeding, still aiming, still leading.

If I let guilt break me, I wouldn’t just be mourning those men, I’d be mourning my friends too.

The system was cruel. Pike was worse, but survival wasn’t about clean hands. It was about choosing whose blood stayed on the ground.

I closed my eyes and let out a long, shuddering breath.

"The world’s not the same anymore," I whispered.

"No," Reid said, his voice softer now. "It isn’t, nor will it ever be. This is the era of the apocalypse, and only those who choose can survive it."

When I opened my eyes again, the disgust was still there. The guilt, the nausea, the weight, all of it remained but under it, something else had taken root.

Resolve.

I couldn’t sleep, but I didn’t need to anymore. The Wheel hummed faintly in my mind, its black-and-gold glow steadier than it had ever been.

When dawn came, we would move.

And when we reached the Bridge of Cinders, I would be ready.