CHAPTER 70: THE WEIGHT I CARRY

[Jonas’s POV]

...

The jaws were closing.

I could hear them grind, four sets of hinges working in sick rhythm, every tooth a bar of rusted steel meant to tear me in half.

And here I was again, staring death in the face.

Ah... the nostalgia, if it wasn’t just so pathetic.

Reid choose me for a reason; my special ability, it was supposed to make me the cornerstone in the team that he aimed to create to fight their way through the apocalypse to the quarantine zone.

My special ability was supposed to make me the heavy puncher in the group, the trump card, and yet, I keep seeing myself staring at death.

Not just staring, f*cking succumbing to it.

Last time, I thought I was the one protecting Travis. I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, I was resigned for it, but once again, I only painted a pathetic image as I ended up being the one that was saved.

Since then, I vowed that I won’t allow myself be in such a pathetic situation again.

Even Travis and Mira, the ones that were supposed to be the freeloaders in the group were now pulling their weight.

Ethan? Hell, I’d rather not talk about that guy.

His special ability is literally a cheat, but I’m not jealous at all, I’m secretly glad that he’s with us. If not for his ability, I’m sure we’ll all be dead.

But then me... me! I was supposed to be the chief cornerstone of Reid’s group, so why can’t I just pull my weight when it matters?

Again, we’re facing a desperate situation, and I’m about to die first.

’F*cking pathetic’.

The Ravager’s breath stank of burnt copper and oil, hot enough to peel my skin. And when I say it stank, I meant it literally, it stank as in... I couldn’t even breathe. ’F*ck!’

’What a f*cking pathetic way to die’.

My boots slipped against the cracked asphalt, my ribs already screaming, and in that moment I knew... this was it.

Then, everything blurred as my life flashed in front of me, again.

For one sharp heartbeat, I wasn’t on the Kill Road anymore.

I was back in the schoolyard, ten years old, a skinny kid trying to throw a punch that didn’t even make a bully flinch. The other boys laughed; they called me twigs, they called me brittle, they shoved me into the dirt until the world blurred.

"Not enough," one of them sneered. "You’ll never be enough."

Those words never left, they stuck like a label.

My old man used to say. "If you can’t be smart, you better be strong. If you can’t be strong, fake it until it looks like you are".

He said it with a cigarette burning low and calluses thick enough to sand wood. He didn’t have time for weakness, neither did the world, and that harsh and militaristic upbringing shaped most of my life.

So I trained.

I lifted weights until my hands bled, non-stop. I lifted weights until my bones ached, until doctors said I was tearing myself apart.

I didn’t complain, I never acknowledged the pain. Instead, I laughed through it all, because pain meant I was building something. I wrapped insecurity in muscle, in crude jokes, in a grin that said I didn’t care.

But the truth? I always cared.

I had a sister.

She was little, frail, always coughing in winter, always pale under hospital lights. I swore no one would ever hurt her while I was breathing, I swore I’d be strong enough for two lives since she couldn’t fight for her own.

Then the Rift tore the sky open, and I don’t even know if she’s still alive.

That’s the rot that eats me at night. I try my best to hide it; the laughter keeps it hidden, but it doesn’t erase it.

Out here, with Ethan spinning miracles and Reid steady as stone, Kara sharp as a blade, Mira quietly growing into something untouchable, and even Travis, damn Travis finding his power, I felt it again, that whisper...

’You’re the filler...’

’You’re the meat shield...’

’You’ll break before you matter...’

And maybe that was true. Maybe all I was good for was getting torn apart so the rest could live.

But if that’s the price, I’ll pay it.

Then, the System flared inside me.

DING!

~----~

[System Alert!]

[Muscle Density Overdrive Available!]

[Current Strength: F-Rank → Temporary Surge to E-Rank]

[WARNING: Severe cellular breakdown imminent after Overdrive. Permanent damage possible; prolonged activation will lead to irreparable collapse.]

~----~

I laughed.

It was a ragged, bloody bark like I always did. "You think I haven’t lived like that my whole damn life?"

I took it without hesitation.

Then...

BZZZ!

The power slammed into me like a burning forge.

My muscles screamed as they tore, fibers snapping, reknitting, bulging. My arms swelled, veins glowing faint red, skin splitting into hairline cracks that bled. Pain didn’t just crawl under my skin, it roared through every tendon and every nerve.

The Ravager’s jaws snapped down, and I caught them.

"...!"

Flesh met steel.

BAM!

The impact created a minor shockwave where I stood as the asphalt cracked.

Blood sprayed as teeth bit into my arms, but I held. Every inch of me shook like a bridge about to snap from the force, but I locked my elbows and roared louder than the monster.

"Not today!"

The beast bucked and tried to drag me into its furnace mouth, but I pushed back. For the first time, the Ravager hesitated.

My vision blurred with red, but I didn’t care. I could feel my bones splintering, my muscles fraying like overworked rope.

And still I grinned, teeth bloodied, because I had it.

Finally, I had it.

I remembered my sister’s hand, small and fragile in mine. I remembered every time someone called me weak. I remembered promising myself I’d never be nothing.

If this body burns out here, if it dies, then it dies as something that mattered.

The System screamed warnings in my skull, but I drowned them out.

I leaned into the monster’s strength and gave it mine, every last shred.

And I did not break.

Then...