I had a lot of things I wanted to do that morning, and a lot of things that had to be done that I didn’t especially want to bother with. So, an hour after I was receiving a delicious blowjob while being urged on by my lovely dryad wife, and forty-five minutes after we all lay together and I explored their curves while thoroughly enjoying them exploring mine, I found myself curveless again, looking over what I would have to do to detach the gas line from the boiler, and install some kind of electrical replacement.

Electric boilers were simply not as good, or as efficient, as gas ones. There was no good reason, other than the effect of the gate, for me to take out my perfectly good gas boiler and put in an electric one, and I could imagine the home inspector shaking his head when it came time to sell the house. Except, of course, I couldn’t sell the house with the gate in it, so I suppose it didn’t matter.

I went to the hardware store to get what I needed for the changeover, except for the boiler itself which I had to order online. The house would be without heat for a few days, because I was going to cap the gas line as soon as I could, just to be on the safe side. If something happened that required my attention, I didn’t want to have to worry about the house blowing up behind me – or having a gas leak that would cause the fire department to break in.

While I was on the way, I called Jill and updated her on the situation.

“You have how much gold?” she asked.

“I’d guess it’s a few million dollars worth at this point. It’s hard to dispose of it all without attracting attention. Especially with me in Amaranth most of the time.”

“So, you need someone on the outside, basically.”

“Yeah.”

“And if you paid that someone, she could work for you full time.”

I noticed that the someone now had a pronoun. “Yeah.”

“And she could commute between Boston, say, and DC, selling gold and gems at various places in between, so as not to draw too much attention.

“She could do that, yes.”

“Say, for –” she named a figure.

I didn’t haggle. She was right. I needed exactly what she was offering, and from someone I could trust with hundreds of thousands of dollars at a time. I needed her.

And it was possible that at some point, I’d need someone in the know to pull up a puzzle piece, and forever be trapped on Earth while the rest of us were on the other side.

It was interesting that I thought of it as being “trapped” on Earth. But leaving that aside, and as practical as it was, the idea of saying goodbye to Jill forever didn’t sit right. Still, it was better than bringing Sandra into the whole thing. Anyway, that was for another day. Right now, I needed a gold broker, and Jill was perfect.

I got the tools I needed, and spent the morning capping the gas line. Legally, I needed to hire a gas plumber, but it was work I’d done before, and work I knew how to do.

Meanwhile, Valeria and Gren showed Lysandra around the house. I was sorry to miss her reactions to things, but I couldn’t fault the efficiency of it, and of course she was curious.

“You know,” she said, when I was done working. “You’re pretty good looking as a man, too.”

“Thanks.”

She sniffed. “Not so nice smelling, though.” She turned to Valeria and Gren. “We should toss him in the shower, yes? That’s what it’s for?”

“I can go there on my own,” I said quickly.

“Can we watch?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

So I showered, they watched, and then I put on my nice clothes and went out to sell some gems. That errand didn’t take me long, and by mid-afternoon I was back in Amaranth, clean, and feeling myself again. Also, rocking a cute little black off-the-shoulder dress, and fishnet stockings.

“Black, again,” Lysandra said.

“I think it’s a necromancer thing,” Valeria commented. “But the color isn’t evil, per se.”

“I like black,” I said.

Lesseth grinned. “I can do that,” she said, and she transformed from cherry red to a deep, shiny black. “Don’t touch though.”

“Why?” I asked, thinking I knew why.

“I’m tar, baby.”

“Right. Let me revise. I like black clothes.”

“Oh good,” Lesseth said, shifting back. “I hate feeling like I can’t touch anything.”

“Would I look better in black?” Gren asked. “I mean, to you. I know that it’s subjective.”

“No, I don’t think so,” I said. “I like black because it contrasts nicely with the paleness of my skin. Brown would look bad on me, but it looks great on you.”

“Speaking of things that look good on people,” Kathy said. “I believe Abby ordered this for you.” She reached into a box, rummaged, and fished out a pretty purple bra, which she handed to Lysandra.

“Squeeee!” Lysandra said. “Is there a skirt or something to go with it?”

“Not that I know of.”

“You could borrow one of mine,” I said. “I’ve even got a pink one.”

“Will it fit?” she asked. She had the kind of hips that are sometimes described as “boyish,” and I had the kind that are sometimes described as va-va-va-voom.

“I think so. If not, we can do something with a safety pin to take it in temporarily.”

I got her the skirt, and she went off to try the things on. Valeria went with, in case she needed help.

I told Kathy about Jill. Kathy’s eyes lit up. “That’s awesome. By the way, I tried to bring an air rifle across.”

“And?”

“It didn’t work. Even though it wasn’t gunpowder or fossil fuel combustion.”

I chuckled. “I think whatever controls ‘customs’ at the gate is smarter than just a set of rules.”

“Apparently. Think about it, though, Abby. Whatever controls the gate – that’s just another word for God. The God of Amaranth, anyway.”

“L’shan,” Talos said.

I knew by now that Elves, Trolls, and Orcs all had different views of gods. “Let’s just call her Amaranth,” I said.

“Her?” Talos asked.

Kathy went on. “And that in turn implies there is a God of Earth, keeping the magic out. Gaea, if you will.”

“Wait, why wouldn’t we call that god Earth?” Talos asked. “For consistency.”

“It’s a human thing. Okay, call her Gaea.”

“Why are all these gods chicks?” Talos wondered.

Kathy stared at him. He stared back.

“Anyway, their gender isn’t the important thing,” I said. “Could be they/them.”

“Right,” Kathy said. “The thing is, if there’s a God, or even one for each world, wouldn’t we want to know as much as possible about Him, or Her? Aren’t you curious?”

“Sure. Sorta.”

“And the way we find out more is by testing the gate,” Kathy said.

“You could try reading the book of L’shan,” Talos said.

I shrugged. “I want to know what we can and cannot get here that can help. Kathy, try disassembling the rifle and see if you can bring across the parts, if you like. We need generators – I can’t keep running all of Amaranth’s electricity from my house long term. And installing an electric boiler won’t help the power drain on the house. Even generators the zombies can power by, I don’t know, cycling or something, are better than nothing. But we need solar panels – probably on the trading posts, since they get a lot more sun than this place does with all the trees. Windmills… I think the plains near the troll village would be a good spot.”

“On it,” Kathy told me. “With Jill’s help, of course. We’ll coordinate acquisitions.”

“Perfect. If there’s something that needs to be put together, I’ll take it from there. And if we can make the windmill here… it might not be as efficient as the modern earth ones, but as long as we have the parts that turn the motion into electricity, we’ll be able to keep making more if we need more.”

“You’d be better at figuring out how to build one from scratch than I would,” Kathy pointed out.

I sighed. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Okay, I’ll do that. The other thing we need to do is learn more about the gate, which means getting experts. So that means me going –”

“Does it?” Kathy interrupted. “Send people. Start thinking like a Queen. Or an Uber Archfiend.”

Lysandra returned, wearing only her elven sandals, the pink skirt, and the lacy purple bra.

“You can see my nipples,” she said. “The fabric is so sheer.”

“And very nice nipples they are,” I said.

She beamed. “God. Her majesty is going to love this. And I have one too! Not that there’s anyone to take notice here. Valeria says you have a whole drawer full.”

“And yet, half the time she just lets them bounce,” Kathy said. “For what it’s worth, I have a drawer full, too.”

“A bounty of brassieres,” Gren said. “But who needs them? And certainly you don’t, Lysandra. Your boobs are perky without any help at all.”

It was true.

“It’s not about support,” Lysandra said. “It’s about fashion.”

“So,” I asked, seeing a solution to a problem, even though I wasn’t eager to take advantage of it. “How would you like to go to Avonia, deliver Maeve her portrait, recruit a gate expert, and show off your new bra?”

“Well,” Lysandra said. “Will I get extra time with you when I get back? Because being mind-controlled and all, I’m rather attached.”

“I did not mind control you. Or at least, only briefly.”

“So you say,” she said. “But I’m feeling the effects.”

“That’s just NRE,” I said.

“NRE?” Gren asked.

“New Relationship Energy. Um – falling in love.”

Lysandra nodded. “Yes. You made me fall in love with you.”

I wasn’t going to argue a point I couldn’t possibly prove. “Yes,” I said. “I’ll try to give you extra time when you get back. Things have a way of happening here, and I can’t always promise things about the future. But I will try.”

Lysandra nodded, and curtsied. “Thank you, Queen Abby, Uber Archfiend of Tartarus.”

“Just Abby, please.”

Lysandra smiled. “Of course. Abby.”

“See, if you were mind-controlled, you wouldn’t have used the titles.”

“And if I wasn’t, I would have kept using them.”

I gave up.

“It’ll take her a while if she walks there,” Gren said. “And she might be in danger.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“She rides with me, on a bike, and I’ll protect her. In exchange, of course, for extra time. Why wait until we get back, when we can have that time tonight. Perhaps a threesome?” She looked at Lysandra.

Lysandra smiled and shrugged.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“We’ll leave in the morning,” Gren said.

“May I take your skirt?” Lysandra asked. “And maybe we can spend the time making a skirt out of my dress, too, so that I have two things to wear with my bra.”

I nodded. “And we can have a threesome before you go, too. Now I just have to figure out how to get word to Tartarus.”

“I’m the obvious choice,” said Lesseth. “But like Lysandra, I don’t bicycle well. Although she could learn.”

“I can do it, boss,” Kendala said. “We’ll blow right past the scenery, and I’ll do a great job of it.”

“Of course, now you have a whole orgy on your hands for this evening,” Lesseth said, with a smirk. “Think you can handle four of us at once?”

“She’s not obligated to do anything for me in exchange for my service,” Kendala said, pushing her chest out and batting her eyelashes at me. “I’m hers to command.”

“But you’d like it?” I asked.

“Of course I would.”

“Then that’s settled. The four of you, an orgy for tonight.”

Kendala beamed. Everyone else seemed pretty happy with it, too. “Come on, ladies,” Gren said. “Let’s make plans.”

The four of them left the crypt to talk in the forest, leaving me with Kathy, Talos, and Valeria.

“Only you,” Kathy said. “Could manage to get to be the central figure in an orgy with four gorgeous women, and manage to make it seem like you’re doing them a favor.”

“It’s a difficult life,” I said. “But I bear up remarkably well.”

“I don’t suppose,” Valeria said. “You could tie me up somewhere that I can watch? Of course I’d want to get out and join in, so you’d have to tie me real tight so that I couldn’t get free. So that, you know, I don’t impinge on everyone else’s time.”

“Sure,” I said.

Kathy rolled her eyes. “You know, I have to get some work done for my Earth job – can you take your orgy planning somewhere else?”

“Sure,” I said again.

Talos opened his book. It was not, I saw, the book of L’shan, but The Fellowship of the Ring. Apparently Kathy had gotten him some new reading material. I’d have to ask him what he thought of it, sometime.