CHAPTER 29: 29

NYLAH

In the days that followed, I kept to myself and even stopped going to the garden or for strolls. I remained indoors, reading books about plants and the ancient sorcery with plants.

Even though I didn’t understand a huge part of the book, I continued reading. I also withdrew from Sofia, bottled up my thoughts instead of opening up to her or asking her for answers to questions that I knew she had no answers to.

"You don’t seem like a sulk." A familiar voice called from the door, making my eyes dart to the frame of a male standing by the door.

I’d almost jerked from the bed, how engrossed I’d been in that book that I hadn’t noticed Brian walked in.

"What are you doing here?" If it were another male other than Xavier’s Beta, I would’ve screamed my lungs out in fear or lounged at him with a weapon.

"Why do you think I’m here?" He asked, making me weary. I wasn’t up for games. I was in the middle of nothing serious, but I took my reading time seriously, even though I didn’t understand half of what I read.

"Alpha Xavier sent me to you, but that’s not why I’m here, I could’ve easily sent someone else to pass the message." He paused, seizing me up.

"You’ve been locked up ever since your last visit to the Alpha. I know he’s a tough nut to crack, but don’t lose your goodness because of his hardness." His words sank in, making me flinch.

He was right, I’d lost my spark, the spark everyone saw in me and loved me for, and I retreated into darkness.

"If you want to survive here, you have to be fierce. And from what I’m seeing here, you’re anything but fierce." I wanted to be fierce, I wanted to be untouchable and free, but I wasn’t sure that being free would be possible.

"How many minutes do I have?" I asked, closing the book, ignoring his words about being fierce, not only because I didn’t know what to say in response but also because I couldn’t tell him my fears.

"He wants you in ten." And just like the last time, I got dressed - something simple and scurried out of my room.

I guess I’d learnt my place, and it wasn’t beside Xavier. It was somewhere out of sight, where his claws couldn’t reach.

"Get to work." He growled when I got to his room without even casting me a glance.

And just like the other night, I mounted the pole and danced till my legs hurt only, he didn’t walk up to me like the last time or push me to the bed to claim me, instead, he sat there, unfazed by my skilled moves.

It was like tiny little razor blades tore across my heart. If I’d thought his previous negligence was the worst that could happen, then I must have had it coming.

"Enough, you can leave." He commanded, shifting his attention to the expensive liquor on the little table before him.

I wanted to run out of the room and wallow in shame and rejection like I’d been doing these past few days, but I decided to gather some courage.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, my fists clenched behind my back that my knuckles were turning white.

"Why keep me here when you don’t even need me?" His silence gave me more courage to speak.

"Please let me go, I promise to pay you back every dime left. Your men can put an eye on me and reprimand me if they see me trying to go away. I just don’t want to stay here anymore." I was on the bridge of crying, but I held back my tears.

For some reason, I didn’t want to look weak before him, I didn’t want to give him the pleasure of seeing me look helpless.

"You’re mine little bitch, I bought you and made you mine and whatever I want to do with you is left to me. You’re never leaving this pack." His words, so cold made the last straw of hope I had drain instantly.

I fought back tears as I scurried out of the room, unwilling to even look him in the face.

On my way out of his room, I brushed past Brian who seemed to be approaching the door. He stopped to look at me but I’d ran off without turning back.

I ran back to my shell -- my room and returned back to my previous routine of being locked up, only that this time around, it was worse.

I no longer read the boring books and stared into space instead.

Sofia’s effort to try to get me back up was futile. That was why when I saw Brian walking into my room behind her, I knew that she had told him about my withdrawal.

"I don’t want a guest. You can tell Sofia whenever the Alpha has need for me." I quipped before Brian closed the distance between us but he didn’t turn back at my words.

"Is this what you plan to do with your time here?" He asked when he finally came to a stop few feet away from my bed where I sat.

I wasn’t sure what he was referring to, I wanted to scream in reply that my time here was looking like forever but I chose to ignore him.

"You won’t survive here like this." He continued "If you want to gain influence in the pack, you need to build your value."

"I don’t want to build value or gain power, I just want to leave this shit hole. I’m tired of being locked up in this pack like a sacrificial lamb. I just want to leave!" My voice broke at the last word.

Brian dismissed Sofia and gazed at me with soft eyes before begining another round of motivational quotes.

"There’s either one of two things you can chose to be in this pack and number one is; you can chose to be powerful and influencial, getting positive treatment from pack members and in turn, getting recognition from the Alpha, or you can chose to dwell on your loses, and remain at your level." Those were the words I grabbed from the many words he said to me.

And the moment he was done talking, I was sure that my mind was already made up.

I got down from my bed, my fists clenched behind my back.

"I want to learn how to fight." I said to Brian who wasn’t expecting my request, his pitiful expression switched to surprise.