CHAPTER 143: PRESENCE OF LOVE

Ivan stood still. His body froze. His vision became blurry and his hearing too. He could barely hear the music of the ball anymore. Everything was a blur around him. The music, the lights, the dancing couples. All he could hear was Lydia’s soft laugh ringing in his ears.

She was actually laughing. Not coldly like she had been doing since she returned just over a week ago, but genuinely. Her face had brightened in a way he hadn’t seen in so long. Her eyes were sparkling with genuine happiness. But she was laughing in another man’s arms.

It felt like he was being choked on his own breath. Like his heart was being squeezed tight in his chest, twisted until he could barely stand. The pain cut through him sharply, deeper than any physical wound. His hands trembled at his sides. He tried to breathe but each breath felt like swallowing glass. The sight of her genuine happiness, her real smile, the one he remembered from before everything went wrong, was beautiful and devastating at the same time. He smiled a little seeing her laugh for the first time in years. But it hurt so much knowing he was the reason she stopped laughing. He was the reason that joy had left her face. The guilt ate at him like poison.

So he did the only thing he could do. He walked away. His steps felt heavy as he moved through the crowd, each one taking him further from the woman he loved. He pushed past dancing couples and chattering guests, his vision blurring. The laughter and music that had filled the ballroom now felt mocking. Every step away from her felt like tearing a piece of his soul. But he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t watch her be truly happy with someone else when he had only brought her pain.

Tatiana watched his reaction from across the room. She saw the pain in his eyes, the way his shoulders fell. She too left. She couldn’t stay there anymore not after the first hand embarrassment she just received. She could still see people talking about her and judging her. Her cheeks burned with rage and embarrassment, as she hurried from the ballroom.

Meanwhile Lydia and Damir were still hugging. The ballroom was filled with whispers and gasps and everyone kept glancing. They all wondered who the man Lydia was hugging was.

"Who is that man?" guests whispered to eachother behind their fans.

"How does he know the Grand Duchess?" others wondered, craning their necks to get a better look.

The questions buzzed around the room.

Lydia pulled away from Damir’s embrace slowly. She looked up at him with genuine happiness. "I can’t believe you’re really here. It’s been five years since I saw you. How have you been?"

Before Damir could speak a voice cut in saying "How could you see him when he was in another part of the world."

It was Irina approaching them. Lydia immediately went to hug her saying "How have you been? I’ve missed you so much."

She said "I’ve been good, my dear." She continued saying with a teasing look at her son "He must have gotten bored of me and my nagging."

Damir said quickly "Oh mother don’t say that. You know I had to travel because of my work. I am here now and I won’t leave again."

Irina’s expression softened. She turned to Lydia saying "I was worried but it seems all is well."

Lydia said "I’m okay." Though her smile flickered slightly.

Irina said softly "The ball looks beautiful but I’m exhausted from my travels and you know I hate balls so I’ll go get some rest."

Lydia said "Please get some rest we will talk tomorrow."

Irina left both of them, giving Lydia one last knowing look.

The crowd continued what they were doing. It was understood who the young man was. He was Damir Dobrovolsky. Irina’s son. Everyone continued what they were doing. It made perfect sense they were close. She is Irina’s goddaughter after all. So it wasn’t much of a thing unlike the scandal of the grand duke and the grand duchess lady in waiting.

Now alone again, Damir said to Lydia "How have you been? Really?"

She said "I’ve been okay." But deep down she didn’t seem okay at all. The words felt empty.

"What about you?" she asked, changing the subject quickly.

He said "I’ve been great. But I missed home. I missed this."

She coughed all of a sudden and he said with concern "Are you okay?"

She said she is. "I’m just a little thirsty. It’s quite warm in here."

He said "I’ll get you something to drink."

She nodded gratefully. He left to get her a drink.

But as soon as he was gone, Lydia felt something. Or rather she didn’t feel something. Ivan’s presence. For the past week since she had returned, she had always known when he was in the same room. Even when they weren’t speaking, even when the tension between them was thick as fog, there was always that pull, that awareness of him. But now that familiar feeling was gone.

She turned to look at the corner in which he stood. He wasn’t there. He had gone. The empty space where he had been standing made her chest tighten.

She was about to feel a tiny sting in her heart but before she could examine the feeling, Damir tapped her saying "Here you go Lydia" handing her a cocktail.

Then he caught himself, correcting himself saying "I’m sorry, it’s your highness now. I still can’t believe it."

Lydia laughed a little but it didn’t feel from her heart saying "You can still call me by my name. We’re family."

But deep down she didn’t feel happy anymore. The joy from seeing Damir was fading. She felt uneasy and restless, and she hated it. She hated that she couldn’t just enjoy this moment with her dear friend.