CHAPTER 73: THRON

Disheartened by my defeat, I fled the training grounds in shame. I wished to crawl up into my room and hide from everything, but that place was no longer mine. Revera had evicted me shortly before leaving, and I carried everything I had with me in the spacial pouch. My staff wouldn’t be left behind, floating behind me but within easy reach. I thought of putting it in my bag, but the thrill of excitement every time I looked at put that thought to rest.

There was one thing I had left to do, something I’d put off as long as I could. But, the day was getting on, and I’d been summoned to meet with the other heroes for a final feast around lunchtime. Resigning myself to walk, I strode with heavy steps to the library, a fervent prayer that he wouldn’t also ask me to smile.

"Xiviyah! I heard you’re leaving today," Thron said, raising his wrinkled hand to welcome me. His eyes sparkled brightly, glistening like the last rays of the setting sun.

My feet dragged the last few steps, weighed down with the burdens of my words with Selena.

The aged librarian frowned, putting down his quill and leaning over the counter. "I don’t think I’ve seen you this down since... well, to be honest, it happens a lot..." he said, scratching his head, "but farewells aren’t something to fear, young one. We all must say them at some point, when we die or before."

"I know," I whispered, "but it’s so hard. Can I ask you something?"

He nodded quizzically, and I took a deep breath before looking him in the eyes.

"Why?" I asked, blinking away the tears which already threatened to fall.

He gazed at me, blinking in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Why did you help me? Why were you so nice?"

"Ah, that." He sighed, sitting back in his seat and folding his hands in his lap. "I often wonder that myself. Perhaps it’s because I pity you, or that you remind me of my granddaughter. She’s someone I had to say goodbye to. Her and the rest of them. Margret, Lucin, Ezekiel." He smiled softly, eyes clouded in a time long past.

"Are you speaking about the family you left to come here?" I asked slowly.

He nodded, the fond smile on his face fading. "I’ve heard the rumors: that I love books so much I’d abandon my family and move across the entire world just to live here. I wish that were true, as terrible as it sounds. Yes, if only. Then I could spend the time dreaming, imagining the fun and joy they were getting up to at home. That would be better, better than the nothingness."

I gasped, hand covering my mouth. "You mean..."

He nodded sadly, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "They’re gone. Simply a fire, one easily stopped with magic, provided you know the right spell. But I didn’t. Not then. But now I know a thousand. Ten thousand. I know them all..."

His voice dropped to a fervent whisper, the absolute loss and longing in his voice sending chills down my spine and tail. Water splashed across his old, leathery cheeks, dripping from his eyes and onto his robes.

"I-I’m sorry," I stammered, my feelings washed away in the abject sorrow of the man before me. I’d suffered countless horrors throughout my two lives, things that would break anyone raised in the light, but losing a loved one was not one of those. I didn’t dare imagine the excruciating pain that must rasp against his heart every time he imagined their faces. What if Soltiar, Korra, or Selena were to disappear? I shivered, pushing the thought far from my mind.

"Please, save your tears," Thron said, wiping away his own, "you have more need of them than I do."

I blinked, raising a hand to brush against my cheek. My fingers came away wet, but it took me a moment to realize I was crying. Whether for him or myself, I didn’t know, only that a frigid loneliness stole my heart.

"No, this isn’t how it should go. Goodbyes are a thing of joy. A promise to meet together once more, whether in this life or after. My family resides with the gods now, and I can only pray I’ll join them soon. But it’s too early for a young girl like you to think like that. Come," Thron said, striding around the desk and opening his arms.

I drew forward, embracing him tightly. Despite his perceived frailty, he was strong and unwavering. His hands smoothed my hair back behind my ears, then raised and stroked my horns lovingly.

"Never forget, Xiviyah," he said softly. "Sometimes, we humans can be good. We make mistakes, or hurt others, but we also love, and help, and heal. I, uh, never apologized for what happened before, with Davin. I want you to know I’m sorry."

"I know," I whispered, no longer holding back the tears.

He patted my head once more, then rested his hands on my back, pulling me close. After a few minutes, I took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled away, looking up into his shimmering eyes.

"I-I, uh, goodbye," I finally blurted out, flushing red with embarrassment. At the same time, the tension left my body, and I sagged with relief. "Goodbye, Thron. Thank you for everything."

"Goodbye, Xiviyah. Be careful, and visit again soon."

My heart felt lighter as I left the library that day, and I couldn’t help but reflect on my relationship with Thron. Selena was a valuable friend, someone I could turn to and cry with, but the old librarian was different. Even if it was only because I reminded him of his lost family, I already missed the love and care he showed me. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I yearned for even the embarrassing head pats I always squirmed out of.

"Father;" "Grandfather, both were words I’d heard but couldn’t understand. The role to lead, support, and protect. A strong shoulder to lean on, a light of wisdom in the dark. Although I was utterly incapable of comprehending a man like that, if he was anything like Thron, I was envious of anyone that had one.