The Girl Wants to Be Murdered
Chapter 70
TL/Editor: Butter Cat
Status: 4/week mon-thurs
Illustrations: none
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〈 Chapter 69 〉 Chapter 69. Sensing Change.
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**
As I stepped out of the carriage, which now felt familiar and even endearing, I could sense the cold winter air welcoming me.
The moment my feet touched the solid, unwavering ground, a strange feeling arose. But it was short-lived. Soon, the wind that felt refreshing at first turned bitterly cold, and I tightened the white robe covering my body.
The cold season.
Around me, only bare skeletal branches stood alone, asserting their existence after shedding their leaves to the ground.
The only sign of life I could find were the people walking down the street, bundled up in thick clothes.
The dark clouds that filled the sky, made it impossible to tell whether it was day or night, or somewhere in between.
The season closest to death, it’s winter.
Come to think of it, it was like this that day too.
I still vividly remember the day Aris fell from the cliff. The wind was just as bitingly cold then as it is now.
"......Keh, keheuk."
The dry wind, devoid of any moisture, brought up the taste of blood in my throat.
I''ve always thought this, but it seems I could never get used to the grey, desolate beauty of winter.
Perhaps, never will.
Winter will forever remain a nightmare for me.
".....It''s cold."
And lonely.
Hoo, I exhaled softly, I could see my misty breath carried away by the wind.
The breath that had painted the sky vanished within seconds, but that fleeting moment was more than enough to captivate me.
I inhaled, then exhaled again.
My mouth grew drier, my lungs colder.
The act of breathing, so essential for life, now felt like it was slowly killing me.
I could only stop this addictive process when I could no longer form a mist with my breath.
How many minutes had passed since I began this pitiful pastime.
Step, step. I could sense someone who had been watching me approaching.
I didn''t want to turn my head, nor did I have a reason to, so I just kept looking up at the cloudy sky.
But it seemed they weren''t of the same mind.
—Tap.
"…Princess Anna. What are your plans now?"
"..........."
The footsteps that had been approaching stopped right behind me.
As I gazed at the sky, gathering my thoughts, a man''s voice reached me.
At the edge of my vision, I could see the contents of today''s newspaper he seemed to be holding.
Perhaps it was because he had called out my name, or perhaps it was because I wanted to see the insolent person who had interrupted my thoughts, I turned away from the sky and looked at the middle-aged man who had approached.
There stood a man who had been reading a newspaper on a bench in the square until I got out of the carriage. He had naturally rolled up his sleeve as he approached me.
On that wrist, a small symbol I recognized was engraved.
"…What is it? I trust you haven''t forgotten the orders I gave you earlier."
"…It''s cold outside. You might fall ill."
"..........."
A crow with a sword in its beak.
He was one of the guards who had followed me from the Tesillia Kingdom to the Akard Empire.
Perhaps it seemed dangerous to them, a woman standing outside in the cold winter wind, so one of them had approached me, breaking the unspoken rule of not directly contacting the person they were guarding.
The people drinking hot beverages in nearby shops, the group of women chatting in a corner of the square, the peddler spreading out a cloth and selling his wares, all those people who had been glancing at me from earlier.
Was it that they all subtly worried about my well-being.
Sometimes, their kindness is burdensome.
Someone like me should just be left alone somewhere.
"......Haa."
".........."
So, I had to make a decision.
I couldn’t keep standing here indecisive in the cold, not only was it a nuisance to me, but also to them.
I came to see my sister, yet here I am, the very person in question, unable to face her and throwing a childish tantrum.
But it was ironic that it was they, not I, who were suffering from my indecisiveness.
Yes.
It has always been like this.
Whenever I made a mistake, the consequences of my sins always fell upon others.
How many times have I wanted to tell those consequences, seemingly taunting me as they pass to others, to torment me instead?
Remi, Aris, all of them.
Their only sin was that they had this incompetent older sister.
Then why, why were they the ones who had to suffer?
Mistakes, sins.
All of those things weren''t created on their own, but by my actions.
I could no longer tolerate the fact that my weakness was causing harm to others any longer.
"It''s time for me to meet her soon. Yes, I have to go…"
"......As you wish."
But right now, I was just exhausted.
The journey, which had lasted almost a month, had taken a toll on me.
But what weighed down my steps even more was this cold wind that felt like it was clinging to my limbs, dragging me down.
Really, isn''t this too much.
Of all the day I had come to see Remi, it would be a winter day like this.
It was as if the world had prepared this especially for me, to torment me.
It knew exactly the most effective way to hurt me.
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S-So.
"—Please rest today and recover from your fatigue."
"..........."
"Tomorrow, I will take you to see Remi tomorrow."
One day should be fine.
If I had the energy, I would have gone to the Museion right now and talked to Remi.
I wanted to ask if she was doing well, if she was eating properly, if she still hated me.
But I was too tired right now.
I turned my steps towards the inn where I would be staying temporarily.
The sky filled with gray clouds.
Earnestly hoping in my heart that it wouldn''t snow tomorrow, that the world wouldn''t be covered in white.
**
"…???, ??!!"
"….??, ???!"
It''s so noisy.
At the sound of shouting echoing in the room, I raised my hands to cover my ears.
But I quickly realized that one of my arms was missing a hand, so I just buried my face in my knees instead of covering my ears.
Thinking that if I couldn''t see, at least I could alleviate the headache that was clouding my mind.
Like I was trying to sleep.
I curled up sitting on the window sill, and wished for time to pass.
"...Alice?"
"..........."
"Alice, are you sick somewhere? Hm?"
Tessa''s voice, filled with genuine concern for me.
Her hand stroked my head, which must have grown cold from the wind blowing through the wide-open window.
My head moved from side to side, not on my own will, but as if it had a mind of its own, so she must be stroking it, huh.
I wanted to tell her that the thing that was bothering me the most right now was their presence itself, but I couldn''t bring myself to say it out loud.
The blanket covering me felt cumbersome.
The emotions directed at me had become tiresome.
The best I could do was to turn my face side to side while keeping my head buried in my knees.
A child''s clumsy way of expressing her displeasure.
Bang, bang!
"Oh, for crying out loud! Hey!! Be quiet!! Can''t you see Alice''s condition right now!?"
"…??, ???…!"
".....????,??..."
"…????,??."
At the sound of Tessa pounding on the wall, the noise from the next room momentarily quieted.
But it was only for a moment, the voices arguing with each other showed no signs of subsiding, and instead, they were gradually escalating.
I could almost hear Tessa''s sigh from here.
They had entered through the front door, chattering excitedly.
Those who had expected to see me smiling brightly froze in the very posture they had when opening the door, upon seeing my completely broken, unsightly state.
Only after seeing their strange reaction did I realize the mistake I had made.
My face reflected in the nearby mirror, which I thought was smiling, was wearing an expression I couldn''t bear to look at.
Soon, Saelli, quickly judging that something was wrong, rushed towards me, but it didn''t change anything.
I climbed onto the window sill with my face down.
And that''s where I still am.
"Alice... No, Lady Aris. Have you regained all your memories?"
".........."
"...Could you tell me what happened, just to me? Please?"
They were making another interesting misunderstanding.
No, in a life riddled with misunderstandings and deceptions from the start, one more misunderstanding wouldn''t change anything.
The only difference was whether I had intended it or not.
But that, too, had become meaningless now.
No one cares about your intentions.
They judge your intentions based on the outcome.
Everything is meaningless.
The shouting from the room shows no sign of ending.
And then, finally, after seeing me unresponsive even when they called me for dinner, Saelli decided that this couldn''t go on and made a decision.
I just kept sitting on the window sill, my head buried in my knees.
F????????o???????r?????e???????????v?????????e????????r???????????????.??????
**
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