TL/Editor: Butter Cat

    Status: 4/week mon-thurs

    Illustrations: none

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    〈 Chapter 71 〉 Chapter 71. The Cause.

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    Where did it all go wrong?

    Sometimes, no.

    Maybe, it''s a question I ask myself every morning when I open my eyes.

    My original plan to end my life after helping Remi and Anna grow, that blueprint of a bright future, was already shattered, not even its original form remaining.

    Elli, who had fished me out of the forest as I was drifting towards death, saving my life on a whim, and then refusing to kill me while starting to gain her own enlightenment and move forward.

    Sia, I''ve never seen anyone who has lived as many lives as I have, not even those who have lived five or more lives, so perhaps this life, or the next, would be my last, and I could finally rest in peace. That’s what I had thought.

    Unexpected encounters and relationships.

    The time spent with those heartwarming people had become paint, and they started to paint over the picture I had drawn.

    But, it was okay.

    I thought that another opportunity would come again with time.

    That then, I could truly end everything with a smile.

    With those thoughts in mind, I was able to endure each day.

    But no matter how much I tried to restore the picture to the way I had originally envisioned, the misplaced brushstrokes and the random splashes of color kept shaking my heart.

    Why, isn''t it going the way I want it to?

    Why, won''t they let me go?

    By the time I couldn''t even remember what the original picture I had in mind was, I had thrown away my brush and given up on everything.

    But, above all, the incident that truly broke my heart.

    The person who shattered my heart like this, more than anyone else.

    The person I loved more than anyone in this life, the one I wanted to help grow, the one I thought I would never see again. Sёar?h the ηovelFire.ηet website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

    Remi Akaia.

    When my sister appeared before my eyes in a flower garden full of beautiful blooming flowers.

    Yes.

    All the cracks originated from her.

    —Thud.

    "Wow! Aris, how about this book? This, this one, I used to read it to you all the time! Remember!?"

    ".......Yeah."

    Remi, as if she couldn''t be any happier, was dragging me around the marketplace, clutching my right arm.

    Thump, thump. In the street where white snow was falling, those amber eyes shone particularly brightly amidst it all.

    I couldn''t bring myself to shake off her hand, mesmerized by her bright smile and those eyes looking at me, and I was just being dragged around, unable to fulfill my original purpose of wanting to walk in the snow.

    That''s right.

    As always, I was nothing without others.

    I, who had lived as a friend to someone, a lover to someone, a child to someone.

    That meant that without them, I was nothing.

    Just an empty wooden doll, nothing more.

    Whatever more could I do.

    What more could I do for them, who no longer needed someone like me, who had nothing to gain from the trials I set before them.

    Elli and Sia, who had been left alone in the dark wilderness, could only stand there, doing nothing.

    Even cheering them on as I watched them take step after step from beside them was no longer possible, now that I had drifted so far away from them that I could no longer hear their voices.

    While I had chosen to remain here until their figures disappeared over the hill, there was a despicable me who was getting angry at them for not trying to take me along and moving forward alone.

    Anger, or perhaps, jealousy.

    If not that, then perhaps just the whining of a child.

    Like that, I was slowly crumbling, being consumed by a green-eyed monster.

    To me in such a state, the one I had already let go of in my heart, my lovely, immature sister, had approached me, now shining with a soul more beautiful than anyone else''s.

    And I felt it.

    Ah.

    I’ve truly reached my limit.

    Because I saw Remi, flaunting the joy of growth, as if it was something a being like me could never experience again.

    Even Remi''s smile as she looked at me felt like she was mocking me, who could only watch from afar, unable to follow by their side.

    Of course, Remi probably didn''t mean it that way, but to me, who was already twisted and broken.

    Really, everything about her seemed to be mocking me.

    And so, with a sound I couldn''t even describe.

    A small crack, in my heart—

    "—Aris?"

    "........"

    Snap.

    "........."

    A blue-covered book appeared before my eyes.

    Looking at that familiar object, I opened my mouth.

    "......Yes. I remember."

    "…! Aris, thank you!! Hehe!"

    Of course, I remember.

    A children''s book with a blue background, its cover filled with cute animals and a young girl with green eyes.

    A book about a girl who went on an adventure, overcame various hardships with the help of the friendly animals in the forest, and returned to the home she missed.

    It was one of the many books that Remi used to read to me at my bedside when we were younger.

    That was now in front of me.

    —Thud.

    "........"

    I hugged the book Remi handed me with trembling arms, afraid of dropping it onto the snow-covered ground.

    Even though I couldn''t run my fingers across the cover to enjoy its texture with my bandaged hand that no longer had any feeling.

    Even though I couldn''t bury my face in the book and smell the unique fragrant scent of paper with my nose that only had the function of exhaling left.

    The book in my hands looked exactly the same as before.

    I could never forget it.

    How could I ever forget it.

    Drip, drip.

    Tears fell.

    ".......Alice. Are you alright?"

    "I remember… I remember everything…"

    It wasn''t like something had gotten into my eyes like before.

    I was just recalling something I hadn''t lost in the first place, something I could feel as if it had happened just yesterday.

    But tears, for which I couldn''t explain the reason, kept flowing, creating countless holes in the snow that had piled up on the ground.

    Plop, plop, as if rain was falling from the sky instead of snow, droplets fell

    I ended up leaving wet marks all over the book Remi had given me as a gift.

    But even though I tried to wipe them away, tears kept flowing from my eyes like a broken faucet.

    And at my shocking state, they all rushed to my side and spoke words of concern about my condition, but I couldn''t give any reply.

    Because these tears, weren''t tears of joy.

    And these tears, weren''t tears of sadness either.

    They were,

    Just tears of pain.

    I''m crying because it''s too painful.

    All the anguish is flowing out as tears.

    I had deceived myself, saying it was for their sake, that it was a coincidence, that it couldn''t be helped.

    But the time I had spent with them, had undeniably been a time filled with what one might call ''happiness'', a thing I had tried so hard to avoid.

    Precious memories that should never disappear, no matter what happens.

    If there was an end to this arduous journey, or if the day came when my soul rotted away, those would be the memories I would proudly reminisce about in my final moments.

    But even those memories, now, only served to torment me, reminding me of my own worthlessness.

    ".........."

    Useless me, who couldn''t even help others properly.

    Such a useless person like me had no right to be by their side anywhere.

    They had already flown away to a place high above beyond my reach, and my existence by their side could be nothing more than a burden increasing their weight.

    So I want to stop now.

    I want to rest now.

    Should I have just died recklessly?

    Please stop tormenting me right before my eyes.

    Please don''t humiliate me like this.

    Rather, kill me and throw my body onto the barren earth where no sunlight reaches.

    I don''t even know what I''m saying anymore.

    Why is everyone coming closer to me.

    Just fly away to that high sky above.

    You''ve bloomed beautifully, so go back to the arms of your owner who will welcome you.

    Please don''t make me say that I want to live with you all.

    You all.

    You all can do that, can’t you?

    "....Kuh, keheuk! Keu, ha… haak…!"

    "…Aris!? Why, what''s wrong!?"

    Incoherent words, ramblings that a sane person wouldn''t utter.

    But with my muddled mind, thinking of words to that extent was the best I could do.

    My swollen throat and my ragged breathing felt like they were choking me, and my spinning vision seemed to be saying it was a miracle that I hadn''t lost consciousness yet.

    I''m okay.

    I can still endure it.

    I tried to say that—

    "—Remi?"

    I heard a voice.

    "…Huh?"

    "…?! You… You…!?"

    I heard a voice I knew.

    It wasn''t the voice of anyone near me, and yet I knew that voice.

    I know of someone who could call Remi by her name so casually in this place.

    It might sound cold and indifferent, but I know better than anyone the kindness and warmth hidden within.

    I know it, don''t I.

    ──────── C??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????r???????????????????????????a??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????c????????????????????k???????????????????????????????????????????????????????c?????????????????????????????????r?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????a????????????????????????????????????????????????????????c?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????k?????????????????????????????????c????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????r?????????????????????????????a???????????????????????c?????????????????????????????????k?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    I turned my head.

    "..........Ah… Aaaah…"

    "......Ari, s?"

    Now, I really.

    Couldn''t hold on any longer.

    "—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

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