TL/Editor: Butter Cat

    Status: 4/week mon-thurs

    Illustrations: none

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    〈 Chapter 72 〉 Chapter 72. Filled with Kindness.

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    Without looking back, I ran.

    I didn''t know where I was going, what I was running from, or even what I was so afraid of, but still, I ran.

    Because my mind was filled with a single thought, the thought that I had to escape from this place.

    —Thump, thump!

    "No....!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO──────!!!!!"

    "Alice!? S-Saelli! I''ll leave the guards to you! Okay?"

    "—Wait?! Y-You!?"

    I ran.

    Even as I heard someone desperately calling out my name from behind.

    Screaming my lungs out in a voice I had never made before.

    Even as I tumble pathetically on the grimy, snow-covered street.

    Even as I felt the wind catch my hood, flapping, and then finally giving way, falling back.

    "NOOOOOOOOOO──────!!!"

    I dodged the hands reaching out to grab me, darting away with lightning speed.

    Legs, run.

    Run faster, faster.

    Even if my muscles melt away, even if my cartilage completely wears down to nothing.

    You can devour everything I have. So please, please take me to a place where there''s no one else.

    Save me.

    "Haa, haa."

    I ran through the winding alleys, my body swaying.

    I sprinted through the narrow passage that’s barely wide enough for two people to walk side by side, without even looking ahead.

    Naturally, I bumped into a few people passing by, but even the quick apology I would normally utter reflexively felt like an obstacle holding me back, so I couldn''t say it.

    And so I kept running, my feet slipping on the patches of ice hidden beneath the snow.

    I bumped into someone who had been walking wobbly with their hands in their sleeves, and we both tumbled to the ground.

    And that—

    —Thud!

    "—Ugh!?"

    "......!"

    Was no exception for a woman in a green robe passing by.

    Ignoring the woman who had fallen backward from the sudden impact, I quickly got up, using the stump of my severed arm to push myself off the ground and my other hand''s nails frantically scraping against the rough wall.

    Drip, drip.

    Was it tears streaming down my cheeks, falling onto the snow.

    Or drops of blood flowing from my fingertips, pulled by gravity.

    If not that, maybe it’s the last shred of my sanity.

    The blood-red trail that followed me on the white snow, it knew the answer.

    "...Ah...Aaah...."

    I continued my aimless escape, forcing my unresponsive legs to move.

    Like a sheep being chased by a wolf, trembling in fear.

    I ran, and ran, and ran.

    "...Huh!? Wh-Who''s is it?"

    "—Ah! I''m sorryyyyy?!! We''re in a bit of a hurry right now!! I''ll make it up to you laterrrr!!! Now, excuse us!"

    "…!! H-Hey, wait!! H-Han!!"

    My head hurts.

    It felt like someone was rummaging through my brain, I clutched my head with one hand.

    Even if my senses were lost, even if my hearing and sight were the only senses functioning properly in my body, this unpleasant sensation of my brain being squeezed and this foreign feeling that felt like something was crawling all over my body wouldn''t disappear, tormenting me.

    I desperately endured the urge to vomit, and I ran towards the bright light at the end of the alley, the point where it connected to the main street.

    At the end of my escape, the end I had arrived at.

    "…Haa, haa."

    My eyes instinctively tried to close at the sudden brightness.

    The light reflected off the pure white snow felt like it was burning my eyes.

    In my eyes, blurred with tears and barely able to see properly, I took in the sight of the wide road where people and carriages were moving in droves.

    It was a sight that resembled a giant wave.

    "—Ah."

    I stopped and slowly walked towards its center.

    A hunting dog that has finished its hunt loses its purpose.

    And if that dog is one that can no longer even guard the house due to its age or injuries, it''s even more so.

    No matter how great its past achievements might have been, what awaits an old dog is not a comfortable bed or an abundance of food.

    Its end is nothing but a lonely death in the cold snow, amidst constant mistreatment and abuse.

    The paradise that the old dog had dreamed of didn''t exist.

    The dog, in the end, was a pitiful creature that could only succumb to its fate.

    "........."

    Everything I had done so far was an act of atonement.

    A form of self-punishment, a promise to myself that I would never commit the same sin again.

    Even though I hadn''t consciously stolen anything as abstract and unquantifiable as ''happiness'' from others.

    But I had definitely stolen something concrete that was related to happiness, like a good school, good friends, material wealth, a warm family, a high position that gave a sense of superiority, and achievements.

    They blamed me for that.

    And I, I simply accepted those words.

    That''s how my atonement began.

    Sometimes I became a passerby who helped others out of goodwill, sometimes a teacher who taught others.

    Sometimes I became a parent, and sometimes I became a child born from the heart to pitiful parents.

    As a friend, as a colleague.

    As a superior, as a subordinate.

    Those who would have been trapped at the bottom, in the darkest depths where light doesn''t reach.

    Those who would have grown up weak and frail, tossed and turned by the blowing wind and flowing filth.

    So that they could blossom fully, so that they could feel proud of their achievements born from their own lives and efforts.

    And...so that they could be happy.

    The ending to that story of dedication would be my death, the death of a person who didn''t want to become a burden to them.

    To close my eyes, listening to their lamentations and wails as they faced my fading life, their fleeting despair, and their final words as they rose again using that despair as nourishment.

    I had deceived myself, telling myself that their actions, their confirmation of my existence, were the greatest happiness I could experience.

    Yes.

    That was my only worth.

    My only reason for existing.

    Remi Akaia.

    Anna Akaia.

    That''s why there was no reason for me to exist by their side, now that they were complete.

    In the end.

    I had become a useless being. Sёar?h the n?vel_Fire.ηet website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

    Step, step.

    One step at a time, I walked forward.

    "—Huh? Who is that child over there?"

    "…H-Hik!? W-Wait! That child''s hand is completely covered in blood!! Wh-where did she come from?"

    "........."

    It''s not that I didn''t feel happiness.

    I, too, had felt like I was floating on air, happy to be beside those who cherished me.

    I, too, wanted to live together by their side.

    I, too, was a human.

    Even though it was only for a fleeting moment.

    Even though I knew that enjoying happiness would only make my sins heavier.

    I ate up that undeserved reward, justifying it with the excuse that it was all to help them grow.

    Love was both a medicine and a poison for me.

    So, perhaps, all of this was an inevitable outcome.

    Step, step.

    I looked up at the sky once, then lowered my head to the ground.

    "…Uh, uh? Wh-where is that child walking to…?"

    "—Hey!! Stop her! Stop that child! Don''t let that child go over there!!"

    "Eh? Wh-What did you say!?"

    "........."

    But now, even that flimsy excuse had vanished.

    When they, who were now complete, appeared before me, those whom I could no longer offer any help.

    I, who wanted to live by their side and experience happiness, definitely existed here.

    I, who didn''t even repent for my sin of daring to crave happiness.

    I, who had simply ignored the difference between atoning for my sins and being punished for them.

    I, who believed that once I was punished, all my sins would be washed away.

    Really, I came face to face with the fact that I am, a shameless piece of trash.

    A hollow laugh escaped my lips.

    A meaningless laugh, intended to comfort others, with no heart behind it.

    "Hee, hee."

    They say the most meaningless death in the world is a car accident.

    Come to think of it, I''ve never experienced one even once in all my ‘life’.

    Yes.

    It''s true.

    Isn''t that the most fitting death for me, more than anything else.

    "Get out of the way!! Get out of my way!!"

    "Li-Little girl! Get out of there!!"

    Crkkk! The sight of the coachman roughly pulling the horse''s reins, trying somehow to stop the carriage, caught my eye.

    But the carriage had already picked up speed, and with the street crowded with people, changing course was impossible.

    It would be nearly impossible for him not to hit me.

    Suicide is a courageous act, a confession that your life had no value.

    It would be a bolt from the blue for him who’s probably living hard trying to raise a family, and I even regretted not just quietly drowning myself in a river and waiting for death instead of causing trouble for someone else.

    Really, really, I''m sorry but.

    Right now, I just wanted to clear this muddled head of mine.

    And quietly, rest.

    "It''s already, too late."

    "Waaaaaah!? Little girl over there!! Mo-Move!! If you don''t want to die, move out of the way!!"

    The heavily loaded carriage charging towards me at high speed.

    Two horses boasting large bodies and weight.

    To meet a gruesome death, crushed beneath them, my body unrecognizable.

    I threw myself—

    —Grab!

    "—SAAAAAFE!!"

    "...!!"

    A sudden impact.

    My body rolled on the side of the road, held in someone''s arms.

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