TL/Editor: Butter Cat

    Status: 4/week mon-thurs

    Illustrations: none

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    〈 Chapter 84 〉 HaPpY. (1)

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    Was she contemplating where to look.

    Her black pupils looking at me were shaking back and forth, as if lost and unsure where to go.

    In the quiet flower garden, the small sound of her swallowing created ripples, disturbing the still surface.

    Sia''s eyes twitched as if she was forcing herself to move them, and she kept swallowing her dry saliva while a mechanical smile is plastered on her face.

    Confusion and fear, bewilderment and anxiety.

    And—even worry directed at me.

    Was she truly unaware that her actions were so artificial that even someone insensitive to the emotions of others could see through her.

    Sia simply remained silent, maintaining the awkward silence.

    "—What am I supposed to do? Hey hey, answer me, Sis."

    "........."

    "Hm? Sis?"

    At a distance so close that I could almost touch her if I reached out, she simply stood there, her face a mixture of confusion, as if still unable to grasp the situation, her gaze following my every move.

    As if she couldn''t understand what I was saying.

    As if she couldn''t keep up with my words.

    Her black pupils, now blinking excessively, were filled with chaos, with no trace of the order they had shown before.

    Yes.

    In the end, on the palette where I had mixed various colors of paint hoping for a beautiful result, the color I had expected wasn''t created anywhere.

    All that remained on the once pristine white palette was a murky, dark gray mess, a color whose original components couldn’t even be guessed.

    Yet, even as I shuddered from the guilt that clawed at my heart, I continued to crave an answer.

    Because of my small, selfish desire to hear an answer to the question that was tormenting me from her, Han Sia.

    Yes, it was greed.

    In truth, I hadn’t expected her to immediately understand my words and offer an answer from the beginning.

    No, it would be a lie to say I didn''t know.

    "........."

    How could she possibly understand and unravel this tangled mess of emotions, a mess that even I, the one experiencing it, couldn''t fully express.

    Even I said it was impossible to unravel it.

    The only way to solve the unsolvable Gordian knot was to cut through the entire knot with a sword.

    No matter how much of an outlier Han Sia might be, living a second life different from others, to me, who had lived a four-digit life, she was not much different from ordinary people living their one and only life.

    Being born, living.

    Living, and eventually dying.

    Just like someone running a marathon with a predetermined end.

    "........"

    But the sight that would greet my eyes when I opened them after crossing the finish line along with them was.

    The sight of the tape breaking as I passed through, signaling the end of the marathon.

    And the sight of a new, pristine white line being quietly wrapped around the finish point, without making a sound.

    As if telling me to keep running without rest.

    As if I wasn''t allowed to rest yet.

    And so, like that.

    The starting pistol for a new race with complete strangers, ignoring my protests, rang out again in the stadium.

    And I, once again, had to run that long and arduous path alone, in solitude.

    Without being understood by anyone.

    Despite all that, the reason I asked her that question in this flower garden.

    The reason I chose her, who could never understand me, as the one to answer my question was.

    Remi would have told me to just leave the flowers that wanted to stay in the greenhouse alone and find other flowers.

    Anna and Elli would have said that my original intentions were more important and that I should proceed as planned.

    Unlike them, whose answers were already predetermined by their inherent values and personalities, I thought that she, who always observed the world from a distance, would be able to choose her own answer based on her beliefs.

    You, who are closer to me than anyone else, without being swayed or influenced by anything.

    You, who are still trying your best to give me an answer to my forced question.

    I sincerely hoped that you would judge my actions from the perspective of an objective third party who could view everything impartially.

    Therefore.

    "—I think it''s okay to detach the flowers, even if you have to force them."

    ".......Ah."

    Even if those words were spoken without knowing my circumstances.

    Even if it wasn''t her true intention.

    That single small phrase felt like it was affirming my actions so far, telling me that what I had done wasn''t wrong—

    "—Thank you."

    Sia’s single phrase, affirming me.

    That alone was enough for me to feel saved.

    Therefore, this was a gift.

    My own way of expressing gratitude to her, for making such a difficult decision, and for affirming my actions.

    Really—

    —Slap!

    "Really, thank you. Sis Sia."

    ".......Ah?!" S~ea??h the N?velFire(.)net website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

    My palm moving at a speed she, still inexperienced in many ways, couldn''t quite see, struck her face.

    With a light sound that made our long conversation up to now feel somewhat meaningless, Sia''s body, her brain rattled from the impact to her jaw, began to slowly collapse, falling to her knees right where she stood.

    Sia''s eyes gradually closed, her face showing an expression that she didn’t even know what was happening.

    "...A…li……ce?"

    My name flowed out softly from between her stupidly parted lips, not knowing what had hit her.

    What was the arm reaching out to me for, I wonder.

    I answered.

    "Thanks to you saving me, Sis, I was able to be happy."

    So, Sis.

    All of this was just a nightmare, a midwinter night''s dream that you''ll forget once you wake up from your sleep.

    When you open your eyes, shake off and forget about the illusion that made you break out in a cold sweat, as if nothing had happened.

    Because a better tomorrow is waiting for everyone.

    For courageous Elli, who decided to leave the dark room despite being abandoned by the world and forgave it all, a new opportunity will be given.

    For Remi, who cast off her shackles and gained new wings instead, a free world where she can spread her abilities will be given.

    For Anna, who worked diligently and did her best in her given position, a place higher and more respected than anyone else will be given.

    And — for Sia, who didn''t forget her kindness towards me, the very happiness and joy she herself had missed despite being so close by, will all be given as a reward.

    Because it''s time for everything to return to its rightful place.

    Children who learn about the bluebird that brings happiness set off on an adventure to find that bird on Christmas Eve.

    They meet a witch, a cat, a fat man and a rich lady.

    But wherever they go, whether it''s the palace of the night, the graveyard where the dead are buried, or the land of happiness, the bluebird couldn''t be found.

    ''Uh, uhm? But why are you here, Rumi? Did Sis Sia not come with you?''

    ''.....Ah, that''s right. There''s something I have to tell you on her behalf. Sia said she hurt her leg and asked if you could come down to the foot of the mountain.''

    ''Hmm...? Okay! Thank you, Rumi!!''

    ''.....Yes. You really are a kind child. Truly kind.''

    Just like the hopeful story where the bluebird that bring happiness turns out to be the blue-feathered pigeon they had been raising at home all along, showing that happiness isn''t something far away, but something that exists close by.

    For them, happiness wasn’t some illusory existence like me.

    ''—Alice, was it? If this continues, Han will die. You are the witch. You are the monster. You are the bad child, you are the one who did wrong—Understood?''

    ''.........''

    But someone who had silently stayed by their side, watching over them.

    And so.

    Following the trail of green hair I had vaguely remembered from our encounter on the street.

    My script, to return her happiness—everyone''s happiness—to its rightful place, began to be written anew.

    **

    Chirp, chirp, and.

    Chiiiirp—

    "...Uh, uh...What is this."

    ".........."

    From afar, something like the cry of an unidentified bird, reminiscent of a sparrow''s chirping, tickled my ear.

    The bird''s song coming from beyond the window was pleasant to listen to, but its irregular rhythm was enough to pull me out of my slumber, as I had been comfortably napping with my back against a tree.

    Feeling a small weight and warmth on my lap, I slowly regained consciousness.

    But.

    "....When did I fall asleep? Did I doze off from fatigue?"

    "Mmm......"

    No matter how hard I tried to recall, the memories from the time I came to the flower garden with Alice to the time I fell asleep against the tree wouldn''t resurface.

    As if a thick coat of white paint had been applied—my mind was completely blank.

    That ■■ with Alice.

    That from Alice, I ■■■■■■—

    —Twitch.

    "...Heehee. Sis Siaaa..."

    "Should I have bought that camera back when Remi was going on about it...?"

    But the fortunate thing was.

    Alice was sleeping soundly with her head resting on my outstretched legs.

    If, by some mistake, even the slightest scratch had appeared on Alice, I would have had to face two princesses chasing after me with swords drawn, and a monster silently cracking her knuckles.

    Thanks to her being unharmed, I was spared that ordeal.

    "......"

    Well. It must have been a nightmare.

    The reason I can''t remember is probably because it wasn''t that important.

    Alice is alive and well, and what could be more important than that.

    So, so—

    —Poke, poke.

    "...That''s a relief, right?"

    "....Mmm.."

    Poking Alice''s soft cheeks, ripe as a peach, with my index finger.

    I forcefully washed away the anxiety that was stirring up inside me for some reason, a feeling that wouldn''t disappear even though I earnestly tried to forget about it.

    But no matter how much I washed it away, no matter how much I scratched at it.

    The anxiety that clung stubbornly to my heart, insisting it shouldn''t disappear, as if saying that it absolutely couldn''t be forgotten.

    The anxiety that I might not be able to see the bright afternoon sun at three o''clock anymore.

    Showed no signs of fading even as time passed.

    …Persistently, strangely so.

    **

    "...Hee, hee."

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