TL/Editor: Butter Cat

    Status: 4/week mon-thurs

    Illustrations: none

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    〈 Chapter 87 〉 Sad.

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    ***

    Throughout my life, I''ve made many choices.

    These decisions were undoubtedly unavoidable, or so obvious that even if I could go back in time, I would have to make the same choice.

    But even so, there was always, undoubtedly.

    Another version of myself, who wanted to make a different choice, existing somewhere in a corner of my heart.

    Therefore.

    If that version of myself who wished to make different choices were to exist here and now, standing firmly on both feet.

    "—Would the choice I made back then have truly been the right one?"

    That is, can we really say that it was a choice at all?

    The story I''m about to write now is.

    「Ah.... Aaah....!」

    「No.... No....!!」

    「I, I didn''t want this...!」

    A tale built upon the somewhat empty premise of ''what if''.

    「If only… If only I had made a different choice....」

    A hypothetical story that could be true, or merely a fantasy, a lie, a story that exists everywhere.

    Han Sia.

    This is the story of what would have happened if she had made a different choice.

    ***

    As we live our lives, we pass by countless crossroads, both big and small.

    Those crossroads might be so obvious, so natural that we don’t even realize they are crossroads, not requiring even a moment''s hesitation or contemplation.

    Or they might be so cruel and harsh that they force us standing before them to fall to our knees in despair, staring blankly at the choices ahead.

    Yet, these vastly different, seemingly incompatible paths share one thing in common.

    "—What am I supposed to do?"

    "........"

    No matter how right a choice might seem.

    No matter how just a choice might appear.

    Squeezing my eyes shut.

    The moment we cross that threshold, we always leave behind small regrets and lingering feelings on the path we didn''t choose.

    Therefore, humans are perhaps foolish beings, always looking at the path they didn''t take rather than the one they''re walking on.

    "What—what am I supposed to say to them?"

    "....Alice."

    "Hmm? Sis Sia? Please—" —Answer me.

    "........"

    With those words, Alice closed her mouth.

    Alice''s voice, which had been shaking and agitated as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment, also came to an end.

    What remained was only a deafening silence that seemed to carve into my chest and a darkness that consumed my heart.

    I looked at Alice, hoping she would explain a little more, or rather, that she would just tell me directly if something was bothering her.

    "........."

    "........."

    But.

    In the shadow cast by wandering clouds, Alice quietly looked up at me, her eyes urging me for an answer.

    Her tightly closed lips remained silent.

    She was patiently waiting for my mouth to open.

    Blue-green eyes, which had always held a gentle kindness towards us.

    But now, etched within them was a resolve as strong as that kindness.

    I realized that no amount of evasion or sweet-talking could break this silence.

    The only way to break it was one.

    For me to make a choice.

    For me to answer Alice''s question.

    "I—"

    Alice said she had raised two flowers.

    Like the seeds she had just planted in the flower garden, one rotten and one broken seed that should have been thrown away, she had personally cared for them, one stitch at a time.

    The child who had successfully bloomed two seeds into flowers that everyone thought would fail and be abandoned, now wanted to transplant those flowers outside the greenhouse.

    But was it because of the warmth of the greenhouse.

    Or was it because of the love she had given them all this time.

    The flowers that had grown up with Alice inside the greenhouse didn''t welcome her decision.

    And so.

    The conflicting opinions of the three remained unresolved, and Alice was now agonizing over whether to leave the flowers as they were or to force them outside as she had originally intended.

    This dilemma had now come back to me in the form of Alice''s question.

    It could be seen as an ordinary, everyday conversation, or a question tinged with a child''s unique imagination and fairy tale elements.

    "........"

    But for some reason, to me, it felt like a question carrying a heavy meaning.

    Dark and deep.

    Such a heavy question, so.

    "I…!"

    What should I do.

    What choice should I choose?

    Only those thoughts filled my mind.

    The thoughts I''m having now might turn out to be nothing but needless worry when I look back later.

    Like a MacGuffin that only creates suspense and confusion before appearing to be nothing, perhaps I was overthinking and misinterpreting Alice''s words and actions, which were no different from usual.

    Alice''s gloomy expression from just now, her unnatural smile as she stood before me, this sticky, nightmare-like situation on a midsummer night, all of it.

    Could simply return to Alice''s normal self once I close and open my eyes, nothing more than a fleeting moment.

    "......"

    Yes.

    It might be more comfortable and better to think that way.

    But.

    "──I.....!!"

    I didn''t want to have any regrets.

    I didn''t want to have any lingering feelings about the choice I was about to make.

    I absolutely refused to do something foolish like kicking the ground later and regretting why I had made such a choice.

    Future misfortunes are the world''s revenge for the moments I spent carelessly.

    And future regrets are the world''s revenge for the choices I made carelessly.

    Therefore, for me, who refused regrets and lingering feelings.

    I had no choice but to put in my utmost effort in every single moment of choice I encountered in life.

    I had no other choice.

    An hour that felt like ten days.

    And a few seconds that felt like an hour.

    After what felt like an eternity of contemplation that would make my brain explode, and a moment of decision that felt like it was tearing my heart out, I—

    "—I think it''s okay to do as the flowers wish."

    "....Ah."

    Because I believed that help should be given when the recipient truly needs and wants it.

    Because I believed that help given when it''s not wanted is really nothing more or less than just for the giver''s own satisfaction.

    Despite knowing that it wasn''t what Alice had originally intended, I ended up uttering those cruel words.

    **

    The nightingale that had been looking towards the faint light of dawn was finally trapped in a small cage.

    Inside, the bird slowly grew sick and started to die.

    Now, what should the bird do.

    "Come, let''s sing of the dawn."

    At the end of the path that was believed to be a crossroads, there was only a single path stretching straight ahead.

    Nowhere was there a new path that one could choose for oneself.

    Nowhere.

    From the very beginning.

    **

    Time flowed on, and the day marking the beginning of a new year arrived.

    Perhaps it''s because of the tradition of spending time with family during the most important holidays.

    After much deliberation, Anna finally decided to return to the kingdom.

    "Uh, uhm? Where''s Sis Sia? Hasn''t she boarded yet?"

    "■■, ■ ■■!! ■■ ■■ ready■! ■ ■■■ bored■ ■■■! ■■ ■ late■, ■ ■■ you ■ ride■■?"

    "—■ ■■■ ■■, ■ all■ strength■■ ■■ here■■, hup!! ■■, ugh! Last….luggage■!!!"

    —■■

    That is, taking everyone including me, Remi, Sia, and Saelli.

    With a slight jolt, my blurry vision shook up and down.

    When I asked where Sia was, Remi shouted out the window, and judging by the loud reply coming from behind, I assumed it was definitely Sia''s voice, though she wasn''t here right now, I guess.

    Although the carriage was large enough to accommodate five people with room to spare, the fact that it shook this much from the impact meant that moving the luggage must have been quite a difficult process… I wonder if it''s alright that no one went to help her.

    I thought as I sat inside the carriage, almost ready to depart, my head buried in Elli''s arms beside me.

    —■■■

    "P■■■■■■■ R■■■! We''■■ ■■■■■ to ■■■■■■!"

    "■■■! L■■''■ ■■!"

    And a few minutes later.

    As soon as Sia boarded, the distorted scenery around me began to move backwards.

    From the deep forest I had arrived at by being carried by the river’s current, to the Syria village where I met new people, and to the Museion, where I am now.

    The long journey was finally coming to an end, heading towards its final destination, and also the place of its first beginning.

    "~?"

    "■■■■■■■■, Ali■■?"

    "....Heehee."

    Ears that have completely lost their function as hearing organs, unable to distinguish even human voices.

    All I could do was look around with blurry, smudged vision, observe others'' reactions, and piece together the fragments of those conversations in my mind.

    A daily life of glossing over vague questions with laughter, and responding with irrelevant sounds to conversations.

    On that precarious tightrope, I continued my dangerous balancing act.

    Losing and being robbed of my senses.

    Eventually, on the day when even these eyes lost their sight.

    "....Hee."

    I would no longer be able to be called human.

    I wonder how much longer I can go on.

    I wonder how much longer I can endure.

    In the moving carriage.

    Inside, heading towards the Tesillia Kingdom.

    ".........."

    I couldn''t bring myself to smile. Sear?h the N?velFire.nёt website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

    **

    And so, I, the girl named Aris Akaia.

    After returning to the warm palace of the kingdom, as some time passed, my completely blind eyes and deaf ears were finally discovered by everyone.

    Showing the precious people before me that unsightly appearance, slowly dying day by day, like someone who wasn’t meant to live

    Unable to even keep my own resolve of not causing trouble for others.

    I died sadly with a crying face in front of everyone.

    Ah.

    "What a terribly sad ending."

    **

    NEXT - End :■■■■

    "If she had chosen ■■ in the ■■."

    I will return with the afterword.

    **

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