“Never forget. You offered your life to me, and you vowed to be mine, Renier.”

    — I’ll give you my life and the rest of the time I have to live in return for everything you’ve done for me, Lord Gishzida.

    Renier recalled what had happened three years ago as she looked up at the man standing before her. Surprisingly, she wasn’t awe-struck even though he was still just as beautiful and mysterious as ever, and she also didn’t feel anything —she had always wondered whether she’d want to spit curses at him or murder him if they ever met again.

    Renier’s life was too short for her to have found many things that were precious to her, and the time she had spent living had been so tough that she’d hardly had the leisure to dare utter the word love, yet every man she had ever loved or she thought had loved her had betrayed her and tried to kill her.

    However, the conclusion she had reached three years prior was thrown into chaos when she saw the tears welling up in his eyes and threatening to overflow as he pulled her into his embrace, and she watched his long eyelashes growing damp from his tears, and as she heard the stifled sniffles in his throat as he swallowed them back.

    “You were safe. Thank you, Renier. That’s enough for me. Thank you, Armanu. Thank you.”

    Thick rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut. Renier looked up at him vacantly. The proper response to seeing a Celestial shedding tears over a mudperson was probably to be awed and throw herself down to his feet in gratitude, but Renier no longer wanted to do that.

    Oh, right. She said that he’s the kind of person who had conceal his hatred and smile like nothing’s wrong, right? That he’s good at using other people’s weaknesses and guilty conscience against them.

    ……Then again. He’s the same man who completely fooled me even in that short and urgent duration of time.

    His feverish tears no longer melted the ice in her heart bur rather made her wonder endlessly whether they were real or just another disguise now that the seed of truth had been sprouted in her heart.

    Her heart slowly began to cool down. Renier looked up into his face and apathetically asked him,

    “Is there anything you want to say to me, Lord Gishzida?”

    Gishzida flinched and wriggled for a bit before he relaxed his arms. Renier carefully choose her next words, just in case he’d misunderstood her the first time, before she added,

    “I’m pretty sure that you have something else to say to me other than ‘thank you for being safe.’ ……Something that you should’ve been honest with me about three years ago.”

    Renier did not intend to blame him for buying her as a sacrifice. After all, that was the mission that the galtir had given him, and there was no way that he could’ve declined. But the fact that he had tricked a young girl whose life had been in danger into swearing her loyalty to him and cursing her with a ngak was a different story altogether.

    He had shackled her with something that she would have to live with for the rest of her life. Renier would no longer be able to step foot in the rest of the wide world ever again because of the fire ngak. His curse was worse than even Inanna’s oracle.

    Gishzida fell into a heavy silence instead of replying. I’m pretty sure there’s something you want to say. Do you really have nothing to say to me about the fire ngak you cast on me, Lord Gishzida? Renier questioned silently, and Gishzida pulled away from her and mumbled,

    “Something I should’ve been honest with you about three years ago?”

    “Yes, Lord Gishzida.”

    Ha……haha.

    Gishzida began laughing with his tearstained face. His laughter didn’t sound merry but rather empty, or perhaps even flustered. And it bewildered Renier all over again because his tearstained face under the moonlight didn’t look sad but rather only beautiful. Quietly, his voice flowed from his lips,

    “I suppose there’s nothing I can’t say anymore. Very well.”

    “…….”

    “I love you, Renier.”

    Her head went blank. She couldn’t believe her ears. It was so absurd, so pointless, and an emotion that she couldn’t quite put to words began stirring up a storm within her before it promptly escaped her.

    Renier laughed blankly. She was so stunned that laughing was the only thing she could manage. Just how does he think I’ll respond that he’s telling me bullshit like this? Is this how he intends to cover up the fire ngak?

    Gishzida opened his eyes wide —perhaps he hadn’t anticipated that Renier would start sneering at him—, but he listened to Renier’s laughter without a single word.

    “Why are you like this……?”

    Renier scowled as she did her best to suppress her emotions. I must not grow angry. Renier was painfully shackled to this man. She was not in a situation where she could express her ire. And yet, she could not stop the words that exploded out from within her. She continued,

    “Why are you only saying this now? Were you not able to say that three years ago? Was it too hard for a noble Celestial like yourself to confess his love to a lowly mudperson like me? Did you spend the last three years practicing those words?”

    Gishzida’s brows suddenly furrowed. Renier could not tell if the emotion on his mien was astonishment, disappointment, frustration, or something else entirely.

    He stepped back, turned away, and wiped down the mess on his face with his sleeve before he looked back up and said,

    “I spent the last three years practicing……?”

    He slowly repeated what Renier had said, and then he lowered his head and chuckled. He continued,

    “……Yes, I suppose I did.”

    Renier held back the urge to slap him across the haughty face of his. She was so sick and tire of this damn thing called love, and she knew that she must not let her anger explode. Calmly, she began confirming the things that had happened three years ago.

    “Galtir Kiros marked me with a slave’s brand three years ago, Lord Gishzida. Isn’t that right?”

    “It is.”

    “But it was you who cast the fire ngak so that the brand would burn through my heart. Isn’t that right?”

    Gishzida froze. The warmth that had settled around him cooled rapidly.

    “Who told you that?”

    “Is that important? Are you going to drag them here and cut of their heads right now if I tell you?”

    Gishzida grabbed his forehead. He lowered his head and let out a short sigh now that he finally understood why Renier was reacting like this.

    Renier waited. She didn’t know how she wanted him to answer —she didn’t know how she would feel if he admitted it, and she didn’t know how she would feel if he denied it, and so, she simply waited quietly.

    “Yes, it was me,”

    Gishzida admittedly it firmly instead of insisting Renier to tell him who had exposed him.

    Renier was neither angry nor surprised when she heard his answer. She felt like she had received a notice for the funeral of someone whom she already knew was dead. All she felt was that she was glad that he had at least not tried to dodge the issue by telling her another lie.

    “I cast something terrible on you before you left all because I didn’t want to lose you, and I regretted it dreadfully and it tormented me ever since. ……I was planning to undo the ngak immediately once you came back in three days.”

    A heavy weight seemed to fall on Renier’s chest as soon as she heard what followed.

    Gods. He was planning to undo it? Does he really mean that?’

    If he was telling the truth, then it meant that she could be freed from the fire ngak right now. Renier felt like her vision was fading white, and her voice was trembling as she asked,

    “Can I……really trust you?”

    “Are you going to trust me just because I tell you to? The fact that it took you three years to return speaks volumes of your trust in me.”

    “…….”

    “You can’t force trust. It’s your choice whether you want to trust me or not.”

    His voice sounded a little heavier than it had before. His was a vague reply that could be answered either way.

    Renier could no longer read anything from his pale features. Had his pride been wounded by her unsatisfactory response? Was he angry? Or did he truly not care whether she trusted him or not?

    Then again, a Celestial like Gishzida was too high and lofty to beg a lowly mudperson slave wench for her love. Especially since he was also a radical Fundamentalist who loathed to even talk to regular humans.

    Renier pondered for a moment and smiled bitterly as she realized just how honeyed the idea that ‘he might release me right away’ was. Nothing would’ve changed even if she had returned to him within three days.

    You weren’t going to undo the ngak after all.

    Gishzida had been confined to house arrest for two years, so he hadn’t been in a situation where he could hide and protect her or chase her down if she fled from his side.

    Had he believed that Renier would have stayed by his side even after he’d released her from the ngak in that situation? Surely, Lord Gishzida was not that na?ve.

    But Renier forced herself to smile and nod back even still. She wasn’t in any position to be picking fights with him just because she wasn’t happy.

    The most important thing for her right now was to be freed from the fire ngak. She could only respond with the emotion he desire from her or forge the relationship with him that he wanted if he released her from the shackles that was the fire ngak. This was what Renier genuinely believed.

    She also had a feeling that this wouldn’t be her only chance to be released from the ngak. And so, Renier gathered her breathing and closed her eyes as she politely responded,

    “I’ll trust you, Lord Gishzida. I’ll keep my promise too. I’ll protect you without fail. So, please release me from this ngak now.”

    “You’re not going to ask me why I did it in the first place?”

    “……I’m not curious about that, Lord Gishzida.”

    In truth, Renier was afraid because she knew exactly how he would answer her if she asked. She did not want to hear him repeat the confession that he had practiced giving for years out of necessity. But Renier took a deep breath and conceded a step when she saw how his eyes were burning up. She said,

    “Well, it’s not that I’m curious, but rather that I feel like I already know how you’re going to answer.”

    “……And how do you think I’m going to answer?”

    “With, ‘I love you, Renier. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you,’ or, ‘Please be understanding, since this is something necessary to complete the Celestials’ sacred mission —you should be honored.’ That’s how I think you’ll answer,”

    Renier just barely managed to squeeze out, prompting Gishzida to throw his head back and guffaw.

    “You surprise me. I didn’t realize that the noblest of emotions or our sacred mission could sound so humble.”

    “Not at all, Lord Gishzida —how could a lowly slave such as I ever possibly deign to comprehend the noble and sacred mission of the Celestials? Please forgive me if I displeased you. I’m truly sorry.”

    “Nor did I ever realize that your mouth was capable of saying such cold and brutal words.”

    Renier was starting to grow anxious. The way that he continued to undermine her request and dodge the question infuriated her to no end. This was why she couldn’t stop speaking even though she was fully aware that her manner of speech was becoming increasingly harsh.

    “……But not as cold or brutal as the things you did despite the kindness and gentleness of the words from your mouth, Lord Gishzida.”

    Gishzida took a moment to steady his breathing and shook his head dismally from side to side as he replied,

    “What on earth must I do to make you trust that I’m being sincere?”

    I’ve already told you. I’ve been telling you. Renier took a deep breath and swallowed back the large lump that was threatening to spill out from her throat as she spat out,

    “Please apologize to me for tricking me about the ngak……and please release me from it.”

    Renier held on to a glimmer of hope as she fervently looked up at Gishzida. She clung to the ridiculous expectation that he would ignore the fact that they were Celestial and slave and genuinely feel guilty about what he had done to her, and she believed that he had to release her from the ngak as a matter of course, if he truly loved her.

    Then, perhaps, they would be able to restart their relationship again anew. It surprised her that there was still a part of her that wanted to trust him.

    “Very well. I am sorry,”

    he apologized immediately without any hesitation whatsoever. But his voice was so indifferent, like the smooth surface of a still lake, that she couldn’t tell if he was actually apologizing or simply bidding goodnight. Renier blinked, and then he quietly continued,

    “But I cannot release you from the ngak.”

    “Why not?!”

    Renier shouted back despite herself.

    No. This can’t be how it ends. You want me to live while hiding in the forest like some kind of bug? I don’t want to go back to the Northlands. Please, please! Renier stomped her feet as she continued shouting,

    “Why not?! You said you were sorry! You said that you were planning to release me three years ago! Please, Lord Giszhida. Please release the ngak. I don’t want to live in hiding like some kind of bug or mole anymore.”

    She ended up in tears. But Gishzida firmly shook his head no even still.

    “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that anymore. You promised me that you’d be back in three days, but it took you three years to return. I can’t trust you anymore.”

    “Please, Lord Gishzida! I was wrong. I’ll never do that again. Never —I’ll swear this on my life. So please…”

    “Renier! I told you not to apologize unconditionally when you don’t actually think you’ve done anything wrong.”

    But Renier couldn’t stop begging even after Giszhida’s stern warning. She threw herself at his legs.

    “It was because I was too scared to come back. But I’ll really keep my promise of my own will if you free me from the ngak. I won’t take a single step outside unless you permit me to, Lord Gishzida, and I’ll serve you faithfully. So please!”

    He roughly smacked Renier away from his legs instead of replying. Then, he began laughing as Renier fell over backward. His features crumpled as he laughed for a very long time. His laughter had used to feel so warm, but how it felt as cold and painful as Enlil’s whip striking the Whitesalt Mountains.

    “I suppose you went through a lot because of the ngak. I am sorry about it, and it breaks my heart. I don’t know what I can do to quell your anger. You’re free to get mad at me, curse at me, and even hit me until you feel better if you like. But I cannot release from the ngak right now.”

    “Then do I have to live with this weighing down on me for the rest of my life? I don’t want to —I’ve already been shackled by Goddess Inanna’s curse as it is. This is too much for me to bear. Please release me, Lord Gishzida!”

    Renier grabbed the hem of Gishzida’s clothes and began wailing, and Gishzida took a step back and bitterly replied,

    “I’m not saying that I’ll keep you shackled forever. I’ll release you someday, Renier……when the time comes. I promise you this.”

    “A-and when will that time come?”

    Renier asked with anticipation with tears still welling in her eyes. Gishzida looked down at her quietly as he bitterly spat out,

    “When I restore the Celestials to our glory and ascend to the heavens.”

    ……Come again?

    The inside of Renier’s mind exploded in white.

    Slap —Gishzida’s head turned sharply to one side. He staggered heavily, and the hat he had been wearing flew some distance away before finally rolling over the dirt. Renier gritted her teeth and continued brandishing her hand. She was ever so grateful that he’d let her do this —he probably hadn’t actually expected her to go this far.

    Slap, slap, smack, slap, slap.

    Renier was small and she most certainly wasn’t strong, but her slaps had bite. Gishzida made no move to protect his cheeks with his hands or avoid her blows, and he simple gritted his teeth and let her keep hitting him. His pale skin, as white as freshly milked goat milk, quickly became red and swollen, and the cascading waterfall of his golden hair became a disheveled mess.

    “Your slaps sting quite a bit,”

    he mumbled while pressing against his cheeks. Renier glared right back at him. She didn’t bother filtering her words, which had grown sharp and thorny during the three years she had spent living in the divine stone cave, as they poured out from her lips.

    “Oh, thanks soo much. I’m so grateful that you cared about and obsessed over a mudperson slave that you didn’t even want to talk to at first, and that you had to practice for three whole years just to force yourself to say ‘I love you’ to that I don’t know what to do with myself. Does decorum dictate that I have to confess to you too now?”

    “…….”

    “Very well. I don’t love you, Lord Giszhida.”

    Renier saw Gishzida’s subordinate warriors, who had been tying up the horses far in the distance, running over. Gishzida pressed his hands over his cheeks and squeezed his eyes shut as he quietly listened to what Renier had to say. Renier quickly said everything she wanted to say before the others arrived.

    “And it’s not only you, Lord Gishzida —I don’t love any men or any male. All men disgust me after all the terrible things that I wish I never had to suffer not only in the Southlands and the Golden Forest but in the Northlands too.”

    “The terrible things that you wish you never had to suffer……,”

    Gishzida slowly repeated what Renier had said without any emotion in his voice.

    “Yes. I don’t even see any point in blaming other people at this point. I’ve vowed to live my life alone, hidden away from everyone else.”

    “……You vowed to live alone?”

    He was still only parroted what Renier had said, as if a part of his brain had suddenly gone empty. Adamantly, Renier replied,

    “Yes. And I’ll never be able to take back my vow either, since I said it before a high priest upon the names of Goddess Inanna, Enlil of the air, and Enki of the earth and the tree of life.”

    Renier had learned in the Northlands that it was easier to deal with priests if she leveraged the names of the great gods who decree fate. She continued,

    “That’s why you’ll never be able to get what you want from me even if you drag me back to the Golden Forest.”

    Renier couldn’t hear his response. Two of Gishzida’s guards had come in between them and were keeping them apart.

    “How dare you?! What do you think you’re doing?!”

    The men was probably neither a priest of the Golden Forest nor an outsider of the forest from the Southlands, but warriors from the West, judging by their curly black hair and strange accents. They drew their curved scimitars and pointed their blades at Renier.

    “Lord Galtir! Are you all right, Lord Galtir?!”

    “You bastard! Do you have a death wish? How dare you do that to the galtir?!”

    Renier felt like someone had hit her on the head with a hammer. What are they talking about? Galtir?

    “Did they just……call you the galtir?”

    Gishzida didn’t reply. Renier turned to the two Western warriors who were pointing their blades at her and practically screamed at them as she asked,

    “Lord Gishzida…did you just address him as the galtir and not as an en-ishib?”

    “Yes. He’s the Lord Galtir, the Guardian of the Forest. Did you not know this?”

    Renier stumbled backward. She grew dizzy, and she suddenly felt like the earth had given way beneath her feet. Her head felt blank.

    The chills running down her back felt ominous. She needed to stop talking. She needed to stop asking questions. She would end up hearing things that she must never hear otherwise.

    “When……did you become the galtir?”

    But she couldn’t not ask either. Gishzida still wasn’t responding, so the Western warriors who were standing in front of him answered in his stead.

    “He became the galtir during the spring festival three years ago. He caught the sacrifice who escaped the previous galtir and dragged her back to the ritual, and he challenged the previous galtir to a duel in front of many witnesses.”

    “Armanu’s Fingers chose a new galtir that day. There’s not a soul in the Southlands who doesn’t know about this. You seem to know the lord galtir well, so why do you still address him as an en-ishib?”

    Her vision began fading white again. It had happened on the day she had escaped. Lord Gishzida hadn’t even been able to keep himself steady because he’d still been badly wounded that day. But he’d gone and challenged the galtir to a duel even still?

    Gishzida sent the two warriors back with a wave of his hand. It was only after the warriors were so far away that they couldn’t possibly hear him that, in a boiling voice, he sued,

    “I kept my promise to you.”

    “Oh…….”

    “I promised you that I’d figure out a way for you to be able to stay safe within three days. And I kept that promise.”

    The strength left Renier’s legs. She thought her legs were going to give out, but she somehow managed to stay upright. Gishzida continued,

    “I was still so unwell that day when you escaped that I could barely manage to stand properly. My wounds reopened every time I moved, and I could barely see what was in front of me because I had such a high fever. And yet, I had to fight Kiros, who was using silent en, before hundreds and thousands of people while in that state. And Kiros’ skill at using silent en was one of the best that the Golden Forest has ever known.”

    “…….”

    “It was too early for me to considering challenging the previous galtir at the time because I didn’t have many supporters back then. I would never have attempted something so crazy if I’d been in my right mind. But I was blinded by my fear that you’d never come back again after you ran away.”

    His quiet voice suddenly became unsteady. He continued,

    “And about how I cast the fire ngak on you —yes! It was pathetic and cowardly of me. I was being greedy, and it was wrong of me. I regretted it bitterly after I sent you away like that! I felt like my insides were burning to ash whenever I wondered what happened to you, whenever I thought that you’d died every day these past three years……. No, that’s enough. You probably don’t want to hear any of this either. But in any event, I was sorry this entire time.”

    “Lord Gishzida…….”

    “I was planning to apologize for what I did and release the ngak I cast on you as soon as you returned. I had no choice but to challenge the galtir to guarantee your safety in order to do that. ……But it took you three years to return instead of just three days. Three years!”

    Renier sank down where she stood. She felt like the earth had suddenly been upturned. That which she had believed to be the truth and that which she had believed to be a lie had suddenly swapped places. No, the lie was still a lie and the truth was still the truth, but the end result of what she had decided was good and bad had been turned on its head. In the midst of the jumbled chaos that everything was reduced to, she heard the rage in his voice as he continued,

    “Thank you for your candor. May the great Inanna, Enki, and Enlil forever guarantee your vow. Love is nothing but shackles and a curse to Celestials, especially considering what happened to Kittu, my ancestor, so you’ve essentially made a very wise decision for me.”

    Renier desperately held back her tears as she looked up at him. She wanted to die when she saw how red and swollen his cheeks were. She wished she could turn back time just once. Renier grasped her throat as she choked up and just barely managed to ask,

    “T-then, everything you said just earlier…….”

    “What? Does it bother you now that you think I was being sincere?”

    He chuckled coldly as he shook his head. He continued,

    “I foolishly believed that you would’ve returned to me in three days if I’d told you those words before I sent you away three years ago. I clung to that thought for three years straight. I only said it because I regretted that I hadn’t back then, so you’re free not to believe me if you’re so inclined.”

    “…….”

    “There is no such thing as an everlasting truth when it comes to emotion, since emotions change, so you should pick and choose to believe in only the parts of what I said that you want to believe in. It ultimately doesn’t matter what you decide to believe in since truth is just another name for doubt, and nothing will grow in a field that was sowed with the seeds of doubt.”

    Gishzida’s cold and tidy voice gradually drowned into silence. Renier was not accustomed to watching him smiling coldly and hiding away the pain that was melting his insides behind nothing but his pride.

    She started choking up. Should I have returned three years ago? Should I not have rejected the confession that he’d been practicing for three whole years —something that was undoubtedly extremely difficult for someone like him? In the midst of Renier’s bewilderment, Gishzida quietly continued,

    “I respect your choice and its outcome, and I will not force my feelings on you. I’m the high priest of the Golden Forest, and I will not do something so foolish like going against the Seven Great Gods.”

    Renier clenched her molars when she saw the burn scars that remained beneath his flowing sleeve. There are probably scars as bad as the burn scars on his back too.

    He had suffered all kinds of humiliation for a mere lowly slave wench, and he had allowed himself to be tied up and whipped as if he’d been a slave himself. He had also desperately suppressed his own sense of shame and internal conflict in order to confess his love to a mere mudperson slave.

    I was assuming things and criticizing him without bothering to check with him to see if anything was even true first, yet he’s always been bearing all of that all by himself just for my sake…….

    ……And I’d forgotten about that.

    Her stomach began throbbing, and a huge lump of something surged up her throat. She suddenly felt like she was drowning in bitter waters. And the bitterness was always followed by a terrible agony.

    “Enough. Thank you for bringing me back to my senses —I was disgusted that I allowed myself to be dragged around for so long by a mere mudperson slave wench, and I was miserable because I wasn’t able to control my emotions. You may forget everything I said earlier.”

    Forget everything I said.

    The déjà vu those words triggered made Renier’s lips quiver. She felt like something was jolting inside of her.

    — Pretend you didn’t hear that.

    But something that she needed to pretend she hadn’t heard was something that she had already heard in the first place, which meant that those feelings had been real. Emotions changed, just as Lord Gishzida had said —even real emotions could sour just as quickly as goat milk on a hot summer day—, which meant that Renier had no choice to believe that the large-bodied boy had truly meant what he had said in that moment back then.

    Renier now understood that Gishzida’s lament and confession had both been real. The greed he had expressed during that critical moment three years ago, the fact that he had regretted shackling her and the way he’d been waiting to release her from them, the confession he had been practicing for three whole years, the way he was tucking his tail between his legs and trying to pretend that none of it had ever happened, and the terrible disgust he had felt about himself and his feelings for Renier —all of it had been undoubtedly real.

    A tear rolled slowly down Renier’s cheek.

    What have I……no, what have we done to each other?

    If only he’d trusted me enough not to cast the fire ngak on me, and if only I’d trusted Lord Gishzida instead of Lady Minnè and came back to the forest in three days —what would’ve happened then?

    At the very least, I’d never have had any reason to go to the Northlands, I could’ve been free, and I may have entered into some kind of relationship with Lord Gishzida.

    Suddenly, Renier recalled the oracle she had received when she was seven.

    Thou who art loved by Inanna. Thy shalt be loved by noble and beautiful beings.

    Thou who art loved by Inanna. Accept Inanna’s blessing. Else, thy fragrance shalt become a stench, and thy fate shalt turn astray and thou shalt lose the love of the noble and beautiful beings.

    Choose thy fate at the crossroads between all these things.

    Renier suddenly felt like icy water was being poured over her head.

    Choose? I had a choice?

    Back then, or maybe even today, did I choose to lose the love of this noble and beautiful person?

    She clenched her molars and shook her head. Put your head on straight, Renier. You decided you weren’t going to be bound to that oracle anymore.

    Inanna’s curse was still a pair of shackles on Renier’s ankles, especially considering how everything was unfolding, and she would surely never be freed from it.

    I decided that I wouldn’t let myself be affected by it anymore.

    ……I absolutely won’t drag anyone else into my curse by loving them either.

    Renier returned to her senses as soon as she recalled her resolve.

    Right. I swore this on my own name hundreds of times. And a certain foolish high priest put his everything on the line to guarantee my oath too. Ultimately, however, he hadn’t been able to escape the snare of Inanna’s curse and had tried to kill Renier too.

    And so, Renier finally decided to cleanly move on from her lingering regrets about what could have happened ‘if I’d heard his confession three years ago.’ Nothing was more pointless than speculating about all the ‘what ifs’ that could have happened in the past. Renier had chosen her fate three years ago, and she had chosen again just a few months ago. And she was choosing yet again even now.

    I’m going to live my life while trusting the me who made that choice that day and trusting that my choice will protect the people who love me. For a moment, just a very brief moment, I almost regretted the fact that I’d trusted Minnè that day —that I’d saved Kuhn’s life—, but looking back on it now makes me so glad that it’s not possible to turn back time.

    “But I still need you to keep the vow you made to me with your own mouth, Renier. I’m the galtir now, and I really do need you.”

    Gishzida’s voice was a cut gentler as it flowed into Renier’s ears. He continued,

    “You have no idea just how terrible and lonely it is to be the galtir. I didn’t imagine even in my wildest dreams that I’d end up feeling so dreadfully isolated. I finally understand why so many galtirs before me turned their backs on Kittu’s sacred mission and died after going mad.”

    “It’s only been three years since you became the Guardian of the Forest, Lord Gishzida.”

    “I almost respect Kiros for surviving this horrible role for over forty years,”

    Gishzida said with the same smooth smile he had always worn in the past, perhaps because he’d finally succeeded in controlling his emotions. But his smile only made Renier realize anew just how gaunt and emaciated he’d grown over these last three years. Gishzida continued,

    “Renier, I’d like you to stay by my side and protect me while this body of mine still resides on the earth. Protect me whenever I can’t protect myself. I’ll give you everything you want in return. There are very few things that a human can want that I cannot grant.”

    He was likely telling the truth. The high priest of the Golden Forest was nobler and more powerful than any other king on earth. He probably wasn’t saying empty words when he said that he’d give her everything she wanted. And yet…

    “I tried my best to find myself another priest or slave to replace you, but I failed time and time again. I need something to guarantee that you won’t ever leave me. Just like how Kiros also needed something to guarantee that Jada and Minnè wouldn’t stab him in the back too. That’s why I can’t undo your ngak. I’m sorry, Renier.”

    Renier understood that she wasn’t going to be able to make him change his mind. Releasing her from the ngak would run completely contrary to his wishes, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do.

    “Even still, I still can’t give you the love that you want from me, Lord Gishzida.”

    “Repeating myself is starting to grow exhausting. I mean it when I say that I no longer want your love. If I can’t have both your love and your loyalty and you absolutely won’t give me your love, then I have no choice but to ask you only for your loyalty, no?”

    “…….”

    “I’m a Celestial, and safeguarding both my body and my mind is the most important thing when it comes to carrying out my sacred mission. I’m a Fundamentalist, as you already know. It isn’t pleasant for me to have feelings for a mudperson. I’m actually very relieved right now. Do you understand?”

    Renier quietly looked up at him. Gishzida was skilled at secrecy and deceit. He had to conceal his own emotions perfectly from now on. And now, Gishzida, who had put his everything on the line to carry out his sacred mission, was about to request perfect loyalty from her. He continued,

    “You’ll have no choice but to stay in the Golden Forest as long as you still have that ngak on you. In turn, that means that you’ll be safest and most comfortable by my side.”

    It’s true. Lord Gishzida needs me for his sacred mission, and he’s more than capable of suppressing any desire he has for me in order to complete his mission.

    Renier pressed her eyes shut and let out a deep breath. She realized that it was time for her to give up and accept reality now. She smiled ever so faintly as she opened her eyes again.

    “In that case, please let me ask you just one thing, Lord Gishzida.”

    “Ask away.”

    “Is it wrong for me to hurt someone who’s trying to hurt me?”

    The man who had been trying his hardest to smile gently let his features stiffen up. Renier thought that Lord Gishzida’s face had looked much gentler and composed when she’d asked him the same question three years ago. Would he answer differently this time? After all, his own life was on the line this time.

    “No.”

    But Gishzida returned the same concise and clear answer he’d given her before. But Renier wasn’t happy. She didn’t know why she wasn’t happy, however, so she took one last step forward and confirmed,

    “You won’t resent me even if that someone is you, Lord Giszhida?”

    Gishzida smiled wryly.

    “Do you really think I’d be able to hurt you? Besides, you’ll never be free from the ngak if you hurt me —do you really have to threaten me with such nonsense?”

    “A lot of nonsensical things tend to happen to me, you see.”

    Gishzida narrowed his eyes and replied,

    “We’re not here to beg each other for love, so why don’t we make things fair? Neither of us will resent the other even if one of us ever ends up having to hurt the other —how does that work?”

    Gishzida returned a very ambiguous answer instead of simply said that he wouldn’t touch her, hurt her, or resent her. Why did Lord Gishzida decide to answer this way? Renier gave up on pondering the case any further and nodded back. Then, Gishzida continued,

    “It’s getting late. Let’s go back now. Will you take the reins for me?”

    There was nothing else she could do. Renier brought her hands low and laced them together so she could help him climb onto his horse. But he simply smiled gently and carefully closed her hands instead of stepping on them.

    “I won’t step on your hands even if it means I have to walk all the way back to the Golden Forest. Sur, Mir.”

    A gust of wind swirled between them when he pointed at the ground and chanted a short en. He stepped on top of the wind, and his body began floating upward as if he was riding it. Renier lowered her head and smiled wryly after she saw him climbing airily onto the horse.

    The idea of entertaining personal and humanly feelings for him —such as loving him, resenting him, wanting to treat him well, or hating him— felt so pointless whenever she saw this side of him.

    Those was not the kinds of emotions that a human ought to have for a god. Fear, awe, devotion, and obedience. These were the kinds of emotions she was supposed to have.

    Then again, he said he was disgusted at himself for having feelings for a mudperson. But that’s only natural. He said he was grateful for my cold-hearted rejection. Yeah. This was the right way to go about this. Renier was truly glad that she couldn’t turn back time.

    Finally, Renier was able to look him in the eyes and smile as senselessly as she had in the past.

    “Oh, you created a new skill, Lord Gishzida.”

    “I can create anything if I need to. I needed to be able to ride a horse. I couldn’t ride them before because I didn’t want to step on Kiros’ toes, but the galtir of the Golden Forest shouldn’t be seen riding around on a donkey, now should he?”

    Renier awkwardly took the reins and took the lead, just as she had three years ago, prompting Gishzida to chuckle clearly a beat later.

    Ten silver shekels, the dragon made of water, the long road to Minotos City, the stubborn donkey, the bed of wind, Lord Gishzida, the countless ngak he manifested endlessly just to hear me laugh, the stuffy tent, his refreshing and clear laughter, the beautiful house of water, the painfully crimson scars on his clear and pale skin, the flock of blindingly bright butterflies that danced around me on that dark night, that endless stretch of starry flowers —Renier’s recollections wouldn’t seem to end.

    “Riding a donkey was hard enough, but riding a horse is something else entirely. Every time the horse’s spine moves……how should I put this, it feels like I’m being beaten with a club.”

    “Does it really hurt that much? Then again, I’ve heard that even famous warriors……suffer a lot of pain if they ride their horses for too long.”

    Renier decided against saying, ‘say that they start bleeding down their ass cracks,’ and modified her sentence.

    “I don’t blame them. This actually hurts more than being flogged by a leather whip. I can’t feel anything below my waist anymore.”

    “You’ll just have to put up with it for the rest of your life. It’s not easy to play it cool. But, you’d still look plenty cool……I mean, beautiful even if you were only riding a donkey, Lord Gishzida.”

    “It was only for three years, but I see that living in the Northlands must’ve been harsh on you. You’ve learned how to say things that you don’t even mean without so much as blinking.”

    “Yes, and you’re already as shriveled up and smelly as Lord Kiros used to be even though it’s only been three years since you became the galtir, Lord Gishzida.”

    “Be good to me if you pity me, Renier.”

    “Sure thing. I’ll be good to you, if only because I have a heart of gold. But I won’t work for free.”

    “Let me know if there’s anything you want. I’ll never know if you don’t tell me.”

    “I don’t want much. All I need is honeyed goat milk and a roof that doesn’t leak.”

    “That’s good to hear. I happen to make good money, as I’m sure you’re already aware, so I’m more than capable of giving you a jar of wild honey every day and finding you a solid roof to sleep under. You’ll need walls to lean against too, so I’ll even lend you mine. It’d be too pitiful if a roof was the only thing I gave you.”

    Renier giggled as she walked ahead while holding the reins. She had no choice but to laugh if she wanted to keep her tears from spilling senselessly down from her eyes.

    If only I’d come back within three days three years ago. If only I’d trusted what Lord Gishzida told me instead of believing the truth that Lady Minnè told me. If only he’d freed me from the ngak. If only I’d heard the confession he gave me today back then, when I still thought that being is love was worth at least trying out. She needed to laugh even more if she wanted to stop these useless ‘what ifs’ from pervading her mind.

    “Are you really going to wipe out the Salt Mountain Tribe of the Northlands, Lord Gishzida?”

    “Yes. I can’t allow the beastmen to keep plundering the Southlands any longer. And their king, who hails from the Salt Mountain Tribe, is the biggest problem. They’re plundering more and more by the day. They might even start trying to plunder the Golden Forest at this rate.”

    “They’re only resorting to plunder because their food trade was cut off.”

    “It was those bastards who stopped us from procuring more divine stones first.”

    “But the divine stones are buried in the Whitesalt Mountains, and the Northlanders are the rightful masters of the Whitesalt Mountains.”

    “The divine stones are the bones, flesh, and blood of Kittu and his offshoots, the Celestial warriors, and the Whitesalt Mountains originated from Kittu’s frozen tears. How dare those animals lay claim to that land just because they happen to be squatting on it?”

    This was a circular problem that could never be resolved. Underlying that problem was the awful, hate-spewing legend that had been told since times immemorial, and the descendants of the Celestials who believed in it.

    “Yes, and I’m sure that you’ll ascend to the heavens without ever looking back after you’ve annihilated the lot of them and burned Armanu to the ground, Lord Gishzida.”

    Gishzida only smiled awkwardly instead of nodding back. Renier continued,

    “Do you mind passing a message along to Lady Inanna once you’re there?”

    “And what would that message be?”

    “A slap to the face.”

    Pft. Gishzida brought a hand over his mouth. In all seriousness, Renier added,

    “Actually, make that two —one on each cheek. I happen to have a pretty deep grudge against her.”

    Ahahaha, ha, ahahaha! Gishzida threw his head back and guffawed in a refreshing manner. He laughed for a very long time over something so trivial, as if he was trying to make up for all the years he hadn’t been able to laugh at all. The warriors from the West tilted their heads quizzically to the side as they looked between Renier and Gishzida in turns.

    “Don’t you know that Lord Utu, who is Kittu of Six Wings’ father, is Lady Inanna’s twin brother, Renier?”

    “Huh? Oh? I-is that what the family tree looks like?”

    “I’m technically a distant grandson of Kittu of Six Wings’ according to my genealogy, and yet you want me to slap the Goddess Inanna across the face? Are you trying to get me chased out of heaven and cast back down to earth as soon as I ascend?”

    “Oh, does that mean that our agreement would automatically have to get renewed? Please raise my compensation twice-fold if that’s the case, Lord Gishzida.”

    “Would that mean that I’d need to give you two jars of honey every day?”

    “Of course. You gave great memory.”

    “I can do that much. I’ll be in your care if things ever get to that, Renier.”

    “Understood, Lord Gishzida.”

    Renier heard his laughter coming from above once more. Ha, haha, hehe, heh. His laughter was broken up and choppy. Renier did not know why he sounded like he was weeping while he was laughing. But Renier didn’t look up to check, and he continued laughing for a very, very long time before he finally asked,

    “Um, Renier, has anything happened to you in these past three years, that is, um, to your body……?”

    “I haven’t had it yet, Lord Gishzida.”

    Renier noticed that Gishzida was trying to ask her about her period and answered loudly before the guard warriors behind them caught on too. Aha, is that so? I see. So that’s what happened. Gishzida clicked his tongue and, with his voice still sounding sweet and gentle like honeyed goat milk, said,

    “Renier.”

    “Yes, Lord Gishzida?”

    “On the day I come back after I finally annihilate the Salt Mountain Tribe of the Northlands…”

    “Yes, Lord Gishzida.”

    “I’ll release you from the ngak and give you your freedom…”

    “Yes, Lord Gishzida.”

    “And I’ll leave everything that we Celestials have amassed during our time on earth to you —our riches, our power, and even the Golden Forest itself.”

    “Wow, talk about motivation. I’ll have to swear my loyalty to you on my life if that’s what you’re going to give me in return, Lord Gishzida.”

    “I’m not joking. I’ll swear this on the names of Kittu of Six Wings, Armanu, Enki of the earth and the tree of life, and Inanna……ha. Hahaha. Heh, ahaha.”

    Gishzida was unable of finish his sentence and instead started laughing again for a very long time. Renier still didn’t look up at him and simply held the reins and continued walking toward the Golden Forest. She would surely see something that she mustn’t see if she turned to look at him now, and that would lead her to doing something that she would surely come to regret in the future. Something she would surely regret for the rest of her life.

    The beautiful night scenery of the Southlands stretched before her eyes. A shore of golden sand carpeted the dark sky, and white dandelions blossomed on either side of the trail like clouds.

    Oh, right. The road of starry flowers that Lord Gishzida made for me back then was really beautiful.

    Renier recalled the hundreds and thousands of shining butterflies that had enshrouded her that day. She remembered the infinite glowing flowers that had dimly illuminated her surroundings for her in the pitch-black forest, and how Lord Gishzida had leaned against his walls made from water as he watched her go until the bitter end. Renier’s heart ached.

    He’s a stubborn man who let me go, caught me again, let go of me again, and dragged me back to his side —so what does it mean that he’s ultimately decided to give up on his feelings and ask only for my loyalty?

    And what does everything that the Celestials have amassed during their time on earth —their riches, their power, and even the Golden Forest itself— mean to me?

    Renier looked down and smiled bitterly. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how much wealth and power the Celestials had. All she knew was that the Celestials were greater than even the kings of the cities. She couldn’t be astonished by something that she couldn’t even imagine.

    But she also thought that it was a reasonable price to pay in exchange for completely erasing the emotion called love from her life. And maybe she could even avoid Goddess Inanna’s damned blessing too if she had that much power?

    Also, what would happen to that idiot high priest of Salt Mountain if the entire Salt Mountain Tribe had to be annihilated?

    Renier held the reins and walked over the white clouds all night long as she listened the fragmented laugher coming down from above the horse.