CHAPTER 153: CHAPTER 153: WHAT I CANNOT LOSE

Kieran’s POV

The cold sting of the needle in my arm barely registered anymore.

I sat there, on the metal chair beside her bed, unmoving, my arm tethered to hers by a thin, clear tube. My blood, the blood of an Ascended Lycan King, flowed slowly into her veins. A drip, a heartbeat, a lifeline.

Lorraine was still. Pale. The color had started to return to her cheeks, just slightly, but her body was fragile. Bones thinner than they’d ever looked. Skin bruised and bloodless. Her remaining arm trembled occasionally in response to the transfusion, but she hadn’t stirred

She wasn’t out of the woods yet.

Magnus said she was stable, that my blood was working. But "stable" felt like a lie. A temporary illusion to hold on to before the world shattered again.

She was still dying.

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, watching her with an intensity that hurt. Her face, even now, looked determined, jaw clenched even in unconsciousness. Like she was still fighting in whatever dark place her mind had slipped to.

Damn it, Lorraine. You always fight, don’t you?

I shut my eyes, and the memories came unbidden.

Her laugh the first time she insulted me without fear.

Her eyes burning with fury during that protest.

Her body pressed into mine as I caught her mid fall once

The feel of herr hand on my cheek

The way she was always there for me, not out of pity, but care.

And her lips.... Gods, those lips, the way they melted against mine the I finally came back to my body after my wolf had been in full control of it

I opened my eyes and stared at her again.

"You asked me once if you mattered," I murmured. "And I couldn’t give you an answer. Not because I didn’t know. But because I was too much of a coward to admit it."

I dragged a hand through my hair, pressing down on the ache in my chest.

"My wolf warned me against you. Said you’d destroy me. Said we’d destroy each other."

A bitter laugh escaped my throat.

"So I stayed away. I shut you out. Thought I could protect us both by pretending we were never real."

I looked at her hand, her only hand now, limp and cold on the sheets. Rage and regret tore through me in equal measure.

"But I stayed away, and now look what I’ve done. I destroyed you anyway."

My fingers clenched, the claws pressing against my palm until I bled.

"I thought I was strong enough to be king. Thought staying away made me noble. That I could shoulder the weight of the kingdom without letting you distract me."

I leaned closer, resting my forehead against the back of her hand.

"But none of it means anything if you’re not here."

The drip clicked again, steady, slow. Each drop of blood a sacrifice. A prayer. A promise.

"I miss you so much, little wolf," I whispered. "So damn much. You have to come back. You have to."

The silence between us stretched, quiet but not empty.

It carried everything I couldn’t say

The silence in the room was interrupted by the sound of fast footsteps, echoing down the hallway. I didn’t even look up until I heard Astrid’s voice.

"We’ve compiled a list," she announced as she entered the room with Magnus at her side. "Every rare herb, root, and everything else required for the wolf-awakening ritual."

I looked at her. There was something brittle in her expression. Worry. Guilt, even. Her eyes swept over Lorraine’s still body, and for the first time, the usually stoic Astrid looked like she didn’t have a plan.

"But," she continued, holding out the parchment in her hand, "most of the ingredients are rare. Some of them ancient, almost extinct. And Magnus...."

"I have little to no idea where to find half of them," Magnus finished grimly. "Even if I did, we’d need days to track each one. Days she doesn’t have."

I clenched my jaw, the slow, rhythmic drip of my blood into Lorraine’s arm sounding louder with each second.

So this is how it ends? No. No, I won’t allow it.

Then, suddenly....

"I can help."

We all turned sharply. Thorin was standing by the door, breathing heavy like he had run there, his dark hair messy, eyes wild with urgency.

"You?" Magnus said, visibly skeptical.

But Thorin nodded, stepping fully into the room. "Yes. I know where to find every item on that list."

Astrid arched a brow. But he continued

"The last time the ritual was done," Thorin said, his voice low but steady, "at the Hollow Grounds. When Lorraine’s wolf was awakened briefly. I was the one who got the ingredients. I still remember where I found them all."

The room was quiet again.

Thorin’s eyes flicked to me, then to Lorraine. "I know what I’ve done. What I was part of. And I know I’ll never deserve forgiveness for it. But let me do this. Let me at least try to make up for some of it."

I stood slowly, the tube still connected between my arm and Lorraine’s. Her face was paler than ever.

"Give him the list," I said.

Astrid hesitated for only a breath before handing the parchment over to Thorin.

I walked up to him and met his gaze. "She doesn’t have much time," I said. "Run, Thorin. Run until your legs threaten to give out. Until the air burns in your lungs. Do not stop. Do not fail me again."

Thorin swallowed and dropped to one knee, bowing low with the scroll clutched in his hand. "Yes, my King," he said, voice fierce with purpose.

Then, without another word, he supersped out of the room like a bolt of wind.

Gone, and the room fell silent again.

I turned back to Lorraine, my body aching in ways I couldn’t put into words. My veins were slowly being drained to keep her alive. But I didn’t care. If that’s what it took, I’d bleed out every drop.

So I sat there, unmoving, Lorraine’s cold fingers laced gently with mine, her breath still shallow, her face barely clinging to life.

Astrid and Magnus remained near the other side of the room, quietly discussing the ritual’s components while I held on to the silence, trying to match my pulse to hers, as though willing our hearts to beat in rhythm again might bring her back.

Then Magnus broke the quiet.

"Are you sure we can trust Thorin after what he did?"

I turned my head to him.

"Yes," I said.

He frowned. "I’m not saying this to be difficult, but, Kieran, think. This is Thorin. He betrayed you once."

"No," I said evenly. "Thorin’s been my personal assistant since we were both boys. He grew up in my shadow, lived in the palace, ate with the guards. He was loyal to me. He’d die for me."

Astrid folded her arms. "He did betray you."

I nodded. "Yes. Because Adrian used mind control on him."

"What if the mind control is still there?" she asked. "What if this is part of Adrian’s plan? To get you to trust him again. To sabotage Lorraine’s last hope of survival."

I hesitated. Just for a moment.

Astrid had a point.

"....Let’s hope that’s not the case," I said eventually, then faced Lorraine. "Because if it is, we’ve already lost."

Time passed. A dull ache began to form in my spine from sitting still too long, but I didn’t move. I barely blinked. Lorraine was so quiet in my arms, the blood loss draining her, her wolf still dormant. I ran my hand gently through her hair and whispered things I knew she couldn’t hear. Things I’d never let myself say out loud before now.

Astrid suddenly stood. "He’s not coming back," she said, a tight edge in her voice. "We need to make another plan."

But just as she turned...

The doors burst open with a loud slam.

Everyone turned.

Thorin.

Panting. Soaked in sweat. Clothes torn. Face bloodied. And in his hands....

A bag filled with rare roots, herbs, and vials. Everything they needed.

"I got them all," he panted out, stumbling forward. "All of it."

Astrid was already rushing toward him. She snatched the bag from his arms and immediately moved to the prepared space in the middle of the room. She pulled out a piece of ancient chalk and bent to draw a massive circle around the floor, layered with runes forbidden to speak aloud.

The chalk scratched. The herbs came next.

Moon-root. Bloodroot ash. Other obscure herbs I couldn’t name

Astrid looked up at me. Her expression was grave.

"You know how this is done," she said. "Bring her here."

I lifted Lorraine gently, the tube still running between us. She felt light in my arms, terrifyingly light. I stepped into the circle, then sat with Lorraine propped against my chest. My blood continued to drip into her.

Astrid knelt outside the circle and inhaled deeply.

But then Magnus grabbed her wrist.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, voice low and sharp. "Astrid, there’s no full moon tonight for you to channel, this ritual could kill you. Let me do it. Teach me the chant, the runes. I’ll carry it out."

She looked at him for a long second, and for the first time in a while, she smiled.

"You know it doesn’t work that way, Magnus. The magic is in my bloodline, not yours. And besides...." she glanced at Lorraine, then at me. "She’s worth it."

With that, Astrid turned back to the runes.

And began to chant.

The first words were foreign, old. Ancient.

The room seemed to tighten. The very air around us warped.

Then came the wind.

At first it was soft, but it grew. Whipping through the chamber in spiraling currents, stirring hair and parchment, extinguishing flames. The herbs began to smolder on their runes, glowing red, then white hot.

Astrid didn’t stop chanting, not even as blood started to leak from her nose... then her ears... then her eyes.

Still, she chanted.

Then...

Lorraine’s body jolted in my arms.

Once.

Twice.

Then violently. Her back arched as if pulled by an invisible string.

I held her tight. "Stay with me, little wolf. I’ve got you. I’ve got you."

The runes glowed brighter. The tube connecting our arms glowed too, then blazed.

My vision blurred.

My limbs trembled.

The world tilted and.....

Darkness.

And then.....

Light.

Blinding, soft, pure.

I blinked and found myself standing.... somewhere. A place I didn’t recognize. Grasses beneath my feet, and sky, as far as I could see. Sky and stars and an endless ocean of light swirling around me.

Then I saw her.

A woman. Standing there, maybe ten feet away.

Pristine. Ethereal.

Her hair was snow white and fell past her waist in perfect waves. Her skin was porcelain, flawless. She wore a gown so white it glowed. But her eyes, goddess, her eyes.

Her pupils were deep sapphire. But her irises, Red. Crimson. The color of blood. And yet.... they shimmered with sadness.

A sadness so heavy I felt it in my chest like a weight.

She looked at me, and I felt like she had always known me.

I took a step forward.

"Who... are you?" I whispered.

But no words left her mouth.

She only stared.