CHAPTER 172: CHAPTER 172: HATRED? OR SOMETHING ELSE?

Lorraine’s POV

Sleep refused to come tonight

I lay on the stiff mattress in one of the rooms the Lycans had designated for student wolves, my eyes wide open, tracing invisible cracks on the ceiling above me. The rest of the hideout was swallowed in silence, even the restless shifting of other students had long since quieted. But my mind wouldn’t quiet. My body felt heavy with exhaustion, yet my thoughts were loud, too loud to let me drift.

I turned over onto my side. The pillow was cold against my cheek, but it didn’t help. My heartbeat was irregular, thumping too fast, like it sensed a storm just beyond the horizon.

It was past midnight. Everyone else slept. And still, I couldn’t.

With a groan, I sat up, pressing my palms into the thin blanket. My chest ached, not from any wound, but from the gnawing weight of unease. Maybe it was because my wolf was barely speaking to me. Maybe it was the certainty that, once again, my life had been laid out on the table like a pawn’s sacrifice. No voice. No choice.

Then I heard it, the soft, deliberate creak of a door.

My head snapped up.

At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks, but then I saw her, the Queen. She stood just outside my doorway, cloaked in shadows, her presence commanding even without a single word. Her hand moved slightly, motioning for me to come out.

Why was she here? Why me? But refusing a Lycan Queen wasn’t something even I was bold enough to attempt. My feet found the cold floor, my body obeying before my mind could reason with itself. I slipped out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind me.

"Sorry for disturbing your sleep," she said softly, though her voice still carried its natural strength.

I shook my head quickly. "I wasn’t sleeping. Wasn’t able to."

Her piercing eyes studied me, tilting her head slightly. "May I ask why?"

I only shrugged, staring at the ground.

"You must have heard of the council’s decision," she said, her tone gentler than I expected. "Is that why you’re unable to rest? Because you’re anxious.... or angry?"

That made me look up. My throat tightened, but I forced the words out anyway. "I just don’t think it’s fair that you Lycans made a decision that will definitely put my life in danger, without even hearing my opinion first."

Her lips curved into something that wasn’t quite a smile. A shadow of sadness, maybe. She nodded. "We Lycans are always like that, aren’t we? Rash. Hot-blooded. Acting high and mighty, as if no one else matters. Maybe it’s in our blood. Everything but Kieran."

Her mention of him pulled me back into attention. My brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"My son didn’t act like every other Lycan today, Lorraine," she said. Her voice was firm but laced with pride. "He spoke against everyone, for you. At the meeting. He argued about how unfair it all was."

I shook my head quickly, almost angrily. "No. Kieran wouldn’t do that. He hates me."

The Queen chuckled softly, the sound almost amused. "Did he tell you that?"

I blinked, caught off guard. "What?"

"And you believed him? Really?" She arched a brow, studying me with a knowing gaze that made me feel small. "I suppose it’s because he hates you so much that he decided to escort you to the academy, even when everyone else opposed it. The hatred must be so strong that, even now, he’s preparing to sneak out of this hideout to go to the academy alone, so you won’t be put in harm’s way."

Her words hit like a blow. My lips parted, but nothing came out.

She stepped closer, her presence both regal and intimate. "What else would make an Alpha King willing to sacrifice himself for a feral, if not hatred, right?" The Queen’s tone was laced with irony

I swallowed hard, my chest twisting with confusion. The image of Kieran, cold, sharp-tongued, merciless, warred with the version of him she painted now. Which was true? And why did my heart feel like it was breaking just considering it?

She began to walk away, her footsteps steady against the stone. Then she stopped and turned back, her eyes glinting with something fierce, almost dangerous.

"On the off chance you decide to catch up with Kieran," she said, "tell him this, no one knows him like his mother. And I am proud of him, fully proud, this time. If the two of you aren’t back within the next twenty four hours..."

Her voice dropped, chilling and absolute. "Then I’ll go back to full Ghosthound mode and kill every damn soul in that academy to drag you both out."

....

The chill of the night clung to my skin as I stood at the doors of the hideout, the old wooden frame groaning when I pushed it open. The moonlight spilled over Kieran’s back as he moved swiftly, almost too quietly for someone his size. He was already halfway out into the woods, his shoulders tense, his movements too deliberate. He wasn’t going for a walk. He was sneaking out. Just like the Queen had said.

"Where do you think you’re going alone?" My voice cut through the silence.

Kieran froze mid step, his body going rigid before he turned slowly, his eyes locking onto mine in surprise. "What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be sleeping."

I folded my arms across my chest, arching a brow. "Why? So you can sneak off to the academy alone and without me?"

His jaw flexed, the surprise in his eyes deepening. "How did you...."

"The Queen said I should let you know that no one knows you like she does," I interrupted. "She’s proud of you this time. And if we aren’t back in the next twenty four hours, she’s going full Ghosthound mode on the academy." I brushed past him, my boots crunching against the earth as I started walking.

"My mother knew..." he muttered under his breath, still stunned. Then louder, his voice rough with disbelief "Wait. Did you say we? You aren’t going to the academy with me, Lorraine. It’s too dangerous."

"I see." I answered absentmindedly, my gaze fixed ahead as I kept walking.

In the next instant, Kieran’s arm shot out, his body cutting into my path. His face was hard, his voice firm. "I’m serious, Lorraine. I’m not going to allow you to step into that academy."

Finally, I stopped, tilting my chin up at him. "Making decisions on my behalf again, aren’t you?"

"No," he shook his head, the denial quick, but his eyes gave him away.

"Then what is this about?" I asked, my tone sharp as glass.

"This is about you putting your life on the line yet again!" His voice rose, the cracks finally breaking through. "Do you even know how I felt when you..." His words faltered, swallowed in the thickness of his breath.

"How you felt when I lost my arm?" I completely coldly. "Tell me, Kieran. Tell me how you felt."

"I..." His voice broke, his throat working as if he couldn’t get the words out. Then, he shook his head furiously. "I am not going to do this with you, Lorraine. Go back to the hideout before I make you. I don’t care if you hate me for it, you already despise me as it is, so it’ll make no difference to me. And if that’s what it takes to ensure your safety, then I’ll do it without thinking twice."

My chest burned, anger rising in my veins. "Why are you so stubborn and hard hearted, Kieran? I...."

"I am stubborn and hard hearted?" he cut me off with a scoff, his face twisting in fury. "The last time you insisted on following me somewhere, ignoring me when I told you to stay back, you lost an arm, Lorraine. You fucking lost an arm!!"

His voice cracked like thunder across the night, and then everything came pouring out of him, words ripping free like a storm he couldn’t contain.

"Do you know what it was like for me?!" he roared, his chest heaving, his fists clenched at his sides. "Standing there, watching you bleeding out, your arm severed, goddsss, Lorraine, I thought you were going to die! Do you have any idea how helpless I felt? How pathetic? Knowing I couldn’t stop it?"

His voice shook, raw and unfiltered.

"My own mother did that to you. And I stood there, thinking if I had just stopped you, if I had just forced you not to come, your arm would still be intact! You wouldn’t have had to endure that pain, that mutilation, that...." His words broke, his chest rising and falling violently. "It was the hardest fucking moment of my life. Do you understand that? I’ve faced blood and war and death, but nothing, nothing, shredded me apart like the thought of losing you. And you stand here acting like it was nothing."

The ssilence pressed down between us, heavy and suffocating. His anger burned through me, but beneath it, I saw the truth. The pain. The guilt. The torment he carried like chains bound to his skin. His breathing came ragged, his eyes wild, but there was something in them that softened, a desperation he couldn’t hide.

I stared back at him, my chest tight, words failing me. For once, there was no sharp retort, no wall of defiance I could throw back at him. Just silence.

And then it happened.

We moved at the same time, as if pulled by an unseen force. One moment, we were glaring at each other, every inch of air between us charged, the next our mouths crashed together.

The kiss was raw. Rough. Full of everything we hadn’t said.

His hands tangled in my hair, pulling me closer, desperate, as if he was terrified I’d vanish. My fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, clutching him with equal need, as if holding him was the only thing keeping me from shattering.