The Paladin in the Abyss
Chapter 32 - 28 Goblin Phil
"Um, hello, Miss Sonam, you’re called Sonam, aren’t you?" Lancelot glanced at the table in front of the six-armed serpent demon, which had a small rectangular sign on it with the name Sonam written on it. Lancelot guessed this was probably meant to be a nameplate.
"State your business," the six-armed Serpent Demon Sonam said, looking impatiently at the human in front of her, one hand already on the hilt of her sword behind her.
"We are here to register as mercenaries," Lancelot hurriedly took out the emblem and placed it on the table.
"Oh, newcomers, just passed the assessment, did you?"
One of Sonam’s hands pulled out a short wand from somewhere under the table and lightly tapped Lancelot’s emblem with the crystal on top.
The emblem emitted a faint glow and a line of text emerged on the surface:
"Number 9527, Tijana"
"It looks real, indeed," the six-armed Serpent Demon said, her face showing a hint of regret. "So, how many of you are there?"
"Three."
"The head tax for the first month, 900 Gold Coins."
Lancelot exchanged a helpless look with Bruto and threw out a large bag.
They had previously agreed that spoils from future adventures would be allocated as needed, while gold would be divided equally among the three. Lancelot and Bruto suggested that they pay Kalalin’s head tax for the first month, but he insisted it was just an advance and would be offset by his future spoils.
Sonam took the bag, weighed it in her hand, and tossed it behind her, where it landed in a large chest.
"Um, aren’t you going to count it?" Bruto asked, curious.
"We might count it on a whim once in a while," the six-armed Serpent Demon lifted an arm and pointed behind them, "that’s for the fools who dare to underpay even by a single coin."
The three of them turned around and saw a small hill made of skulls, with the ones at the top appearing relatively fresh, still with remnants of flesh and blood.
"Um, we’ll make sure to throw in a few extra each time, just in case," Bruto said, a bit uneasily.
"Greetings, I’m Phil," the Goblin said, taking off the ill-fitting hat to salute Lancelot, revealing his balding pate. "For any services you need, you may come to me."
"Uh, we would like some information about this place," Lancelot said, noticing a sign hanging above Phil’s head which read ’Absolutely Fair Trading Company.’
"That means you’re in need of consultation services," the Goblin snapped his fingers and leaned back. "Our company’s charges are very fair—one Gold Coin per question."
"Do you charge even if you don’t know the answer?" Bruto asked curiously.
"Oh no," Kalalin let out a wail.
"Not knowing is also an answer," Phil extended a palm. "The first question, one Gold Coin."
Bruto, infuriated, rolled up his sleeves ready to throw a punch, but Lancelot stopped him just in time. He noticed a price list behind the Goblin with ’Getting hit, five Gold Coins per punch’ written in an inconspicuous spot.
"That’s fair," Lancelot said as he took out a Gold Coin and tossed it over. "You must have made a good amount of money with this trick, huh?"
"Thank you for your patronage, but generally speaking, I earn more from taking a punch. However, let me remind you, only paid inquiries count as services provided; not paying is considered assaulting the staff, and the Guards would be very happy to have a reason to cut you into pieces," the Goblin caught the Gold Coin, bit it with his teeth, and then began to cough violently.
"Ptui, ptui, ptui, why is there a stench of gorilla?"
"If you don’t like it, you can give it back to me," Lancelot extended his hand.
"I like it; I like any gold," Phil slapped away Lancelot’s hand and pressed the Gold Coin under his buttocks. "Do you have any other questions?"
Lancelot took out another five Gold Coins and dropped them down; the Goblin pounced on the table with a howl, scooping the Gold Coins into his bosom, bubbles of joy covering his face:
"Wow! Boss is awesome! Boss is generous! May the boss have good health, awooo! Five questions, right? Just ask away, I’ll make sure you’re satisfied!"
"Good, you’ve already taken the money, so you should provide the service. Right?"
"Of course, of course," Phil gathered the five Gold Coins in his hand, shaking them gently near his ear, delighting in the tinkling sounds they made. "Oh, such a delightful sound! What would you like to know?"
"No, you’ve misunderstood," Lancelot pointed at the remote corner of the price list. "I was talking about the service that costs five Gold Coins at one time."