CHAPTER 283: CHAPTER 264 SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE_2

"It must be fate that she later returned to Aus City, becoming an unknown actress in Bai Chengxi’s company. One time, we were playing cards at Xiangshan Club, and Bai Chengxi invited several artists to join us. She was one of them."

"Did she recover her memory then?"

"She had recovered a long time ago, but she always feared facing me, worried that I might disdain her." Mu Shuoqian said this with a soft ripple of tenderness on his lips, which under the warm sunshine, seemed incomparably beautiful.

Even though Gu Qili had seen him smile countless times, none were comparable to the smile he wore now—obsessive, pure, adoring, profound—it was a smile meant for that ’Little Rain’.

"How could I disdain her, when she is the love of my life?" Mu Shuoqian slowly finished speaking, his gaze turning tender and lingering once again.

Qiqi, you are the love of my life. Other than you, I could never love anyone else in this lifetime. From now on, you’re free to love whoever you want, marry him if you so choose, and I— I will not stop loving you; on the contrary, I will love you even more, for I don’t know any other way to live.

Gu Qili felt a pain in her eyes caused by his gentle smile. While he spoke these words, his expression was so intensely focused, as if recalling every little memory with her. She thought, he truly must have been devastatingly in love with that ’Little Rain,’ and perhaps that’s why he transferred the unattainable love meant for Little Rain onto her.

Bearing the sharp pain in her heart, she spoke again, trying not to appear too flustered, "One last question. If she came back, why did you still want to elope with me, to abandon everything and go to Australia with me?"

This had puzzled her incessantly, if he wanted to reconcile with Little Rain, what was the necessity of this drama with He Mi.

Mu Shuoqian still looked out the window, never daring to meet her eyes from start to finish, hearing her heavy nasal voice as if she were crying, fearing that seeing her tears would soften his heart - he can’t bear her tears anymore.

The room fell silent for a moment before his deep voice sounded, "Qili, as I’ve said, I do have some feelings for you."

Qili, if I say I only like you a little, then the remaining ninety-nine percent is all about loving you.

I love you, Qili, I love you.

But what is spoken out loud always ends up being more cruel than what is thought silently.

"So, I’m somewhat confused whether I like you a bit more or Little Rain a bit more, therefore, I made a drastic move. If I could give up everything and leave with you, it would mean I liked you more, but in the end...you know the result." He paused, "I’m sorry."

Some say "sorry" is the most hurtful word in the world, sharper than any blade, making a cut before the pain is even felt.

Gu Qili gazed at Mu Shuoqian’s handsome face, her throat constricted as if someone was choking her. Was their love over just as it had begun?

"When you were away on a business trip to City A, I was always with her." He continued looking out the window, continuing his lie, a lie which once started needs a thousand more lies to cover it up, eventually becoming something so false that even he could not distinguish.

Gu Qili shivered slightly, a chill spreading from her feet, instantly freezing her whole body.

What work, what social obligations, all just excuses.

"I see, thank you for telling me the truth."

Gu Qili looked down at the prayer beads on her wrist, her eyes blurring with tears once again. She vividly remembered when he gave her these beads, he said, "once worn, don’t take it off," she said, "I won’t, not even in death," but now...it seems no longer related to life or death.

She silently took a deep breath, one hand on her wrist. The bead’s size matched perfectly with her wrist, requiring some force to take it off.

Perhaps she applied too much force, for as she removed it, the string threading the beads suddenly snapped. She watched in a daze as the beads scattered in the air then rolled everywhere, clinking as they hit the floor, some rolling under the table and some completely lost.

Gu Qili’s taut emotions, like those broken beads, scattered into pieces.

She hurriedly lowered her head, turned, and walked swiftly towards the door. At the entrance, she said in a raspy voice, word by word, "Mu Shuoqian, goodbye."

It was a long while before Mu Shuoqian seemingly regained his senses.

He looked toward the closed door, then to the spot where she had just stood, his gaze finally resting on a few beads that had stopped rolling.

He crouched down and picked up the scattered beads one by one, some had rolled under the table, so he had to lie on the floor reaching for them. After a long search, still missing the last one, he almost turned the office upside down, finally finding it under a file on the desk.

He placed the collected twelve beads on the desk and stared at them, lost in thought.

Actually, he had bought this set of beads many years ago, instantly thinking they were perfect for her.

He had planned to give them to her on the day they registered their marriage, but thinking it over, felt it might not be appropriate, fearing she would see his "ulterior motive." He waited and waited, finally finding an appropriate moment to give them to her; he hadn’t expected that after only twenty short days they would return to his hands again.

Xiao Ran knocked several times on the door to no response, so he pushed open the door and entered.

He looked up, stopping in his tracks as he saw Mu Shuoqian laying over the broad desk, one hand clutching a few ocean blue beads, his face buried in his arms. He couldn’t see his expression, but his shoulders were trembling slightly, an immense sorrow leaking out as if nobody was around.