December 31st

    Today Jian Kang Lu was wandering around the architecture faculty again. He saw his kitten walking towards the cafeteria with his friends. How Jian Kang Lu wished he could go there and talk to his kitten, to hear his kitten''s voice again. That soft voice who always makes his heart fluttering from the first time he heard him in the airplane.

    But he doesn''t know if it is a wise step to pop up in front of his kitten with his friends around. He doesn''t mind it at all. But what if it makes his kitten angrier with him? He only has one day left to apologise properly. He could not request for more leave from the hospital. It was unprofessional to run away from your duty because of personal matters.

    Once again, he had his sandwich in the mini market. Jian Kang Lu could feel the young cashier look at him in a weird way. He tried his best to look like a normal human being.. Shaving every morning, combing his hair, and wearing his best clothes. His kitten once told him that he was handsome, who knows his kitten will forgive him if he still looks okay even though he was old.

    Wait, maybe he approached this in the wrong way. Is his kitten still mad at him because he looks okay? Maybe his kitten''s heart will move if he saw how miserable Jian Kang Lu was when his kitten left. Today he wears his black coat. Is it enough to make him look thinner and miserable? Maybe tomorrow he doesn''t need to shave and looks as miserable as he could.

    But Jian Kang Lu hopes he doesn''t need until tomorrow to make his kitten forgive him, and comes back to him.

    In the afternoon it seems his kitten didn''t have any class, since he was staying in the dorm. Jian Kang Lu doesn''t know how many times in the last few days he bought hot drinks from the mini market. No wonder the cashier looks at him like he was a suspicious person.

    When the night came, from his spot under the tree near the dorm''s yard, he saw his kitten walking with his friends. It seems they will have dinner outside. Maybe they want to celebrate new year''s eve in that cafe that they usually go to.

    Jian Kang Lu sighed, it seems that today he had to be satisfied by looking at his kitten''s figure from far away. He really wanted to laugh when he had the urge to come inside the cafe and have his dinner there, just for the sake of satisfying his desire to look at his kitten longer.

    But when Jian Kang Lu follows his kitten from far, he notices the way is different with the cafe direction. His kitten and his friends waited in the girl''s dorm area. Then he saw Fei Hong and Feng Mian coming from the building.

    No matter what, Jian Kang Lu is still jealous of Feng Mian. And that dark creepy thought he tried to lock inside escaping its prison.

    One of Jian Kang Lu''s most painful memories was when Zhang Min decided to go on that blind date with a woman. And finally married her. He could not forget no matter how good and how patient he was with Zhang Min, in the end Zhang Min chose a woman. To live as a normal person.

    Those painful memories are numbed and dull even before he met his kitten, and those pain was gone every moment he spent time with his kitten. But now, he even could not describe what he feels right now. This feeling he felt right now was a million times worse than what he experienced with Zhang Min.

    His rationality was gone. He just stared at those couples, and followed them towards the cafe.

    Now he really looks like a suspicious person. A crazy man. Jian Kang Lu laughed while he was standing across the cafe, under the trees. He would not be surprised if the security guard or police came here and asked what he was doing here. Even himself will throw questions if he sees a man wearing a dark coat, standing in the shadows.

    He doesn''t know for how many hours he was standing there. He only stared at the cafe''s door, waiting for his kitten walk out from there. Too bad his kitten and his friends didn''t sit near the window. He could not see them at all. But he could imagine they''re having a good time inside.

    While he was frozen here.

    The night was late when he finally saw them walk out from the cafe. How nice, four couples walk together. Four men, four women. Normal people, not an anomaly like him. These couples walk to their dorm, and once again his kitten walks beside Feng Mian.

    Jian Kang Lu saw how his kitten talked to Feng Mian, smiled at her, and laughed at her. While his kitten didn''t even spare his time to listen to his explanation.

    Jian Kang Lu doesn''t mind begging for his kitten''s forgiveness. But he refuses to be a fool. Just like when he was waiting for Zhang Min. He won''t be a stupid person torturing himself like that anymore.

    "TangTang.."

    Jian Kang Lu doesn''t care what his kitten''s friends will think of him. In fact, Jian Kang Lu doesn''t care about everything now. He just wanted to confirm this dark thought he had. He could sense his kitten''s friend look at him awkwardly and leave them alone. His kitten was standing over there. His beautiful smile which he shows to Feng Mian is gone. Is this truly what his kitten feels about him?

    That he was nothing for his kitten. Not even worthy of his smile anymore.

    "What do you want?"

    Even his voice was back to that cold voice. The soft voice he adored, that used to get his heart beating again, is now so cold and stabs his bleeding heart even more. Did he ever mean something to his kitten? Why could he talk so gently to Feng Mian but so cold toward him?

    "Why…?"

    Jian Kang Lu really felt his world had gone dark. Why? At least Zhang Min told him before he was going with that woman. But his kitten just kept silent. Didn''t even want to speak with him anymore.

    Is this truly what his kitten feels about him? Maybe his kitten left him not because he was going home wasted, but just because Jian Kang Lu was nothing to him. Maybe his kitten realised that Feng Mian was a better option compared to an old man like him.

    Jian Kang Lu can''t even think straight when his kitten turns his body around and walks away from him. He hugged his kitten from behind. He just wants confirmation, at least he deserves an explanation from his kitten.

    "Why? WHY??? At least tell me the reason in front of my face. Do you…"

    Before Jian Kang Lu finished his sentence, his kitten shoved him hard. And his furious face was pale when he was trembling saying those words to him.

    "I told you, we''re over. What the hell are you thinking? Hugged me like that? Which part of my words that you don''t understand? Stop bothering me!"

    His kitten abruptly turns back and just walks away. So this is what it needs to make his kitten speak to him again? When he wanted to reach for his kitten, he already ran away from him. Go ahead and run, no matter what he needs his kitten''s explanation tonight.

    If it was a hug needed to make this man speak to him, then maybe he needed something more to make this man explained to him. Say in front of him that he was nothing for Bai Yutang. That no matter how he tried to love him, it was all nothing.

    Once Jian Kang Lu grabbed his kitten, he just brutally pressed his lips against the lips he used to adore so much. He loved him so much. And it was hurting, so much. He felt his kitten push him, punch him, and kick him.

    ''Say it, say that i was nothing to you.''

    Jian Kang Lu just stopped when his kitten bit his lips hard. He wiped the blood from his lips, and wanted to ask his kitten again. ''Do i ever mean something to you?'' But then what he saw brought his rationality back.

    His kitten staring at him, tears swelling up in those beautiful phoenix eyes.

    "I hate you."

    Those words uttered with hatred. Then his kitten walked away, ran to the dorm''s entrance. Escaped from him.

    What has he done? Why can''t he stop being jealous for once? He used to mock the people who were overly jealous with their partner, but now he was the same with those kind of insecure people.

    Jian Kang Lu sighed, now everything just got worse. Does he even have a chance to bring his kitten back? He wasn''t sure. And maybe it was right for his kitten to leave him. Since he also will hate someone like him.

    January 1st

    Jian Kang Lu really laughed when he wandered around his kitten''s dorm again today. His foot automatically brings him here. Waiting for his kitten once more.

    He hoped what he did last night didn''t bring anything bad to his kitten. He just wants to apologise now. No matter if his kitten still wants to give him a chance or not, he needs to apologise.

    Who does he want to fool? He just wants to see his kitten once again. Last night he could not sleep properly. He missed his kitten so much to the point he always saw his kitten''s shadow everywhere.

    It seems his kitten didn''t go outside today. Jian Kang Lu''s mind is really a mess at this moment. Tomorrow he needs to go to the hospital, working again, and he won''t have this much time to grab a chance to see his kitten once more.

    The sun starts to hide its rays slowly, leaving the grey sky turning cloudy red and gradually turns black. The earth''s colour becomes grey, and dark. When night comes and the lights are gone, with the cold wind blowing its freezing air, Jian Kang Lu stands up and turns around. Walk away from this place.

    Maybe tonight he needs to take some sleeping pills, otherwise he could not sleep properly. He needs a proper rest, he doesn''t want to visit his patient with a tired mind tomorrow.

    Suddenly a shadow comes toward him. When that shadow showed its face, it was giving Jian Kang Lu a cold glare, eyes filled with hatred. Jian Kang Lu coldly stares back at the person approaching him. It was Tang Yuxuan.

    "Why did you come here again? Maybe I need to tell the security guard in the gate to ban you from coming inside this yard."

    "It was none of your business."

    Jian Kang Lu didn''t want to argue with this boy. It was not worthy to argue with someone much younger than you. And he knew Tang Yuxuan sometimes looked at him with hostility.

    Tang Yuxuan and Liu Xiang saw what happened last night. They were just walking from Fei Hong and Feng Mian''s dorm, and from the dark corner they saw Jian Kang Lu forcing himself on his skinny friend. Luckily his friend could release himself fast, and run to the entrance.

    He really wanted to punch this man when he saw that, but Liu Xiang held him. "Stop it. Don''t make a ruckus. And don''t let TangTang know that we''re here, I think it''s the best. Never talk about this to TangTang unless he chooses to talk to us."

    Tang Yuxuan understands, who wants to admit that they, as a man, were molested by another man? That''s why he held himself. But tonight he saw this man sitting in the dark corner, looking at the dorm''s entrance. Clearly he was waiting for his skinny friend.

    Is this what makes his poor friend run away from this wolf? He hoped this man didn''t violate Bai Yutang more than a kiss. He shuddered to imagine what his pure friend had to go through with this wolf.

    He never imagined this bastard would treat his poor friend with all that overly kindness, just to molest him. He always thought Jian Kang Lu suspicious, but he never thought that this man just a crazy cutsleeve who wants to devour his poor friend.

    "Should I call the police then? I wanted to call the police last night, but it will harm TangTang more than you. And he didn''t deserve that. You''re just a jerk using his weakness so he needs to follow all your commands."

    Jian Kang Lu stunned. It doesn''t matter with the police part, but what if this makes his kitten have to face the hard consequences because of his selfish jealousy. He really regrets what he did last night. What could he explain to this boy? He couldn''t say to Tang Yuxuan that he used to be lovers with Bai Yutang. And what the hell Tang Yuxuan means by him using his kitten''s weakness?

    "Stop harassing him. Stop bothering him. TangTang told us everything. You''re really disgusting."

    Before Tang Yuxuan walked away, he said once again.

    "I''ll call the police if we ever meet you around here again."