CHAPTER 90: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Thorne

I couldn’t concentrate.

Every time I tried to focus, Josie’s voice played in my head. Her laughter. Her frown. The soft way she said my name when she was too tired to argue, but too stubborn to let things go.

It was driving me insane.

"Focus," I muttered, eyes narrowing at the canvas in front of me. My brush hovered in the air for a second longer before my hand moved in a wild, angry stroke—splattering black across what had once been a sunrise.

"Dammit!" I barked, flinging the canvas across the room. It hit the far wall with a dull smack, the wet paint staining the marble tiles like blood. My wolf stirred angrily inside me, pacing.

You need to understand her. If you want peace, you need to understand her.

That voice—my wolf’s voice—was more rational than I was. And it pissed me off. I turned on the guards standing stiff near the entrance of the studio.

"What?!" I snapped.

They straightened even more. One of them flinched.

Shaking my head, I stormed out of the art room and down the long hallway that led to my office. I needed something—anything—to take my mind off Josie. Off her frown. Off the way she always made me feel like a walking contradiction.

By the time I got to the office, my mind was a mess of curses and guilt. I threw open one of the drawers, pulling out the pack documents I’d left half-finished. If there was one thing that required my full attention, it was our external affairs.

That was when I saw it.

The Black Eclipse Pack.

They hadn’t paid their dues in over a year. Not since my father passed.

And not just money—they were supposed to send a batch of slaves to replenish the ones we’d lost during the southern skirmish.

I gritted my teeth. I wasn’t about to let some cowardly Alpha disrespect me like this.

"Get me Archer," I growled at the nearest guard. "Now."

A few minutes later, Archer came in with his usual slow steps and tight jaw. His face always looked like it held a permanent scowl these days, but today, it was worse. He looked... drained.

"Sir?"

I didn’t waste time.

"You’re getting sloppy," I snapped. "This pack is falling apart under your nose. Black Eclipse has failed to deliver their quota, and you didn’t even notice. What the hell are you doing all day?"

"I—"

"Don’t answer that," I cut him off, tossing the document onto the desk. "Williams gets his reports in early, checks every border, covers every damn detail. Meanwhile, you’re sitting on your ass."

He opened his mouth, probably to defend himself, but I didn’t care.

"Draft a letter to their Alpha," I said. "Now. I want the tone strong. Aggressive. Let them know we’re not playing games anymore."

He hesitated. "Alpha, if I may, the tone might escalate things. Perhaps we should—"

"Did I ask for your opinion?" I snapped. "Or did I ask for a letter?"

Silence.

He nodded stiffly, grabbed the paper, and scribbled something quickly. I snatched it out of his hands, eyes scanning it. It was firm, but not harsh enough.

"This is weak," I said, shoving it back at him. "Try again."

He adjusted the wording, and this time, it was more biting—closer to what I wanted. Still, I wasn’t satisfied. I dismissed him with a flick of my hand, and he turned to go.

But halfway to the door, he stopped.

"Alpha," he said quietly. "Do you... need to talk about something?"

My entire body tensed.

"If I needed a therapist, I know where to find one," I snapped. "Get out."

I watched his back as he left, noting the faint smile that curled on his lips—not amused, but bitter. Resigned. And somehow, that made me feel worse than anything else that had happened today.

He didn’t deserve that.

None of them did.

My anger wasn’t theirs to carry, but here I was, hurling it around like wildfire.

I needed air.

Or maybe, I just needed to see her. Even if it was just to fight again.

I stepped out of the office and headed toward Josie’s wing. As I rounded the corner, her voice reached me first—loud, distressed. My pace slowed as I reached her door. The guards outside were alert, looking tense.

"What’s going on?" I demanded.

The taller guard cleared his throat. "Varen is with her, sir."

That surprised me. "And you can hear them?"

"They’re... not exactly whispering."

My jaw clenched.

I shouldn’t listen. I knew I shouldn’t.

But I did.

"...you’re just self-centered, Josie. It’s always about how you feel."

That was Varen.

My stomach twisted.

"You never think about what anyone else might be going through. You don’t even try to see things from my side!"

Josie’s voice rose next. I couldn’t hear the words clearly, but the pain in her tone was unmistakable.

I closed my eyes and backed away from the door. I had no right to barge in, not without making everything worse.

Still, it burned.

I turned and walked off, fists clenched, past the training yards and toward the main house.

Archer was there, speaking with two of the other Betas. They all nodded respectfully when they saw me, but Archer avoided my gaze.

"Archer," I said, stopping beside him. "Come have a drink with me."

His brows lifted. "Now?"

"Yes. Now."

He hesitated for a beat, then nodded. "Alright."

We went to one of our old spots behind the east wing—a stone bench overlooking the frozen lake. It was quiet here. Still. We used to come here when things got too loud in our heads.

After two drinks, I finally broke the silence.

"I’ve been having a bad day," I muttered.

Archer chuckled without humor. "You think?"

"I’m serious," I said, leaning back on the bench. "And I’m sorry. About earlier. I shouldn’t have come at you like that."

He shrugged. "It took alcohol to get that out of you, huh?"

I smirked. "Don’t push it."

"Wouldn’t dream of it."

A beat passed. Then another.

Finally, I exhaled and said the one thing that had been clawing at me since morning.

"Why can’t she be less complicated?"

Archer blinked. "Josie?"

I nodded. "I don’t get her. I never do. One second she wants me near, the next she acts like I’m poison. I try. I really do, but... nothing is ever enough."

"She wants to be understood," Archer said simply. "You make it hard for her to open up."

"Why the hell should I have to decode everything she says?" I snapped. "I’m not her father."

Archer flinched.

"You’re not supposed to be," he said quietly. "You’re supposed to be her partner."

My head spun.

Partner.

Was I even capable of that?

"She doesn’t want a partner," I spat. "She wants a babysitter. Someone to coddle her. I just want the sex."

The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I’d gone too far.

There was a loud crash beside me.

I turned, expecting to see Archer with a broken bottle, but instead—

Kiel.

Standing there.

His eyes burning.

"You’re a goddamn monster," he growled.

"Kiel—"

Before I could stop him, the bottle in his hand slammed into my head.

Pain exploded behind my eyes. The world tilted.